90hazelnut

Happy Thursday October 6, 2011 from Anna

2011-10-06T12:15:00.000-07:00

Hi, happy Thursday! I hope it's an easy and pleasant one for you.
Here we're having a notably rainy day, with times of clearing. K3's whole soccer league had soccer practice cancelled yesterday, so as to not damage the heavily-soggy fields.
I went to a National Merit Scholar breakfast at 7:00 this morning - K1 was honored, along with other recipients. We were told there are around 16,000 other such students in the U.S.A. who have scored well enough on their PSATs (fall of junior year) to get this distinction. It's a pretty special distinction that the kids are told to note in their college applications, yet there are quite a few other bright students around the country that get this.
My spouse was nice enough to let me go to the awards breakfast, since K2 needed to be driven to school halfway through the breakfast, and K3 needed driving to school by the end of the breakfast. We don't have school buses in this town. At the breakfast, I felt a little socially awkward just cooling my heels with the other students and their parents, but I enjoyed listening to the guidance counselors encouraging the kids, asking each kid his specific story. Also, the guidance counselors gave good reminders of when the kids should be doing what - Wow, everything must be completed so early! The dates seem excessively early, but yet this is reality (so wake up and smell the cat food).
I seem to have a significant cold, for how my throat hurts today and the difficulty I'm having with blocked nasal passages. I took one Sudafed and now I'm kind of ... flying - but my nasal passages are open. (I first felt this Sudafed flying feeling at age 10, when a pediatrician recommended/prescribed Sudafed for me. I used to get very swollen tonsils each August like clockwork, as an older child, leading to tonsillectomy at 13.) This cold must be what was making me so bone-weary and sleepy, since the past weekend. Anyway, now that I'm this far along in the developing of the symptoms, I'll probably be feeling a lot better by Saturday. I managed to do 4 workouts between Monday and Thursday anyway, and I met my previous requirements of myself (currently 45 minutes cardio, 45 - 60 minutes weights, because somehow this always adds up to 2 hours when I'm done wandering around and showering, and 2 hours is what I feel I have time for.
On Saturday K3 is performing at St. Mary's fair. I hope it's not still raining; we've had this rain since Monday. We have been going to that Catholic church's autumn fair nearly every year since we've been in CA - this year K3 is performing in it. :-) She is doing Tae Kwon Do demonstrations with a group at Studio Kicks. We only have to show up half an hour before the fair starts - so being in the St. Mary's fair will not be as significant of a time commitment as when one of the kids has marched in the December children's holiday parade; for that one, they all have to line up hours before start time, to be stationed in their right waiting spot, etc.
I had a big cry yesterday - the regular theme - though at least it had been quite a few days. Am trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps now, but the skin under my eyes feels baggy, heavy and tired. A little reminder of my indulgence in crying yesterday. That's okay; it's only for a day (unless I start crying again, which I'm trying fairly hard not to do. I don't want to look sad and old, for others to have to look at).
I really want to see my all my loved ones again - ask them how things turned out for them when they were dying, and shortly thereafter, and what is it like to be in a different form, and can they help me, the newbie (assuming we're all dead when we meet again)? And can we have a few laughs while we're doing so, and some reminiscences, before going on to the next learning experience?
Anyway, these are some of the things in my mind these days.
I hope you and your whole family are well. I think of you all, a lot, and wish you all my best.

Happy Sunday September 4

2011-09-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

I hope you and your family have nice days in front of you.
I finally got back to the gym yesterday. I was off exercise a full 14 days due to a condition of mine, sadness. I had it bad. In addition to my "thing to dwell upon", I was also thinking of the September 11 families. People magazine had a spread on September 11 posthumous and young children in their September 12 issue. I almost never can resist buying a People magazine when I pass through an airport. I have to be somewhere on the actual September 11. I'm not in the mood to die in a fiery car crash that day, so I think I'll be flying.
I am of a September 11 family, in a way, in that my nephew was born on that day.
I am now trying to claw my way back out of the pit of despair. Like in the movie "Silence of the Lambs", with some of my favorite actors. For sure, I will exercise today. I always, Always feel better after having exercised, mentally and physically. It's like I've gone through the warm-ups for the day ahead, and the engine is already at a low purr.
Through all this, I feel I have been there for my family - at least most of the time.
That written, I wasn't quite a slacker at the gym yesterday either; I put in 40 minutes of aggressive cardio, and about the same time on weights (single sets). I didn't have to back off my previous weights or reps from 14 days ago, and I don't feel the slightest discomfort today. I had a shower and a nice piece of fish right after my exercise bout, so I could run morning errands before getting back to my family for lunch.
I bought some 5-HTP through the GNC/Rite Aid in our town, and started that yesterday. It's just an amino acid, so what can go wrong. (It's not tryptophan.) I started out very conservatively. No ill effects noted, 18 hours out.
My muscles and mind feel great, too, 24 hours out, probably because They thought I had just given them a Huge rest, for once. Ha ha!
Take care, Anna

Melissa Etheridge Christmas in America lyrics

2011-08-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

I picked out a tree
And I tied it to the car
There's a wreath up on our door
Eight tiny reindeer in the yard
I drove under the downtown lights
Red and green and blue
The silver neon snowflakes
Only made me think of you
It's Christmas all around me
You're in someone else's land
So I'm sending out my only wish
Hey Santa, tell the man
Hey mister, send my baby home
This December I don't want to be all alone
Oh, Christmas in America
I need you in my arms
Far away from harm
Mister, send my baby home

I hear someone singing jingle bells
No wait, that's deck the halls
And the teenagers with candy canes
Ramble through the malls
The girls are down at Ruby's
Trying to find some Christmas cheer
There's not much to do but drink too much
When everyday's unclear
So here I am on Christmas eve
This silent holy night
And I reach up to the stars for you
And I pray that you're all right

What happened to the peace on earth
All that goodwill toward men
Oh, come on, all ye faithful!
It's time to think again.

I grieve the murder of Leiby Kletzky

2011-07-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

You could watch the 3:21 clip at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R08q2wzGpzk

if you are interested in hearing a beautiful song, "Life is Wonderful". I intend to check out more of Jason Mraz' stuff, when I can.

I have stopped playing Linkin Park, because I just don't feel like it now. Sometimes a song of theirs will shuffle along as I exercise at the gym, and I let it play and enjoy its invigorating aspects. But I don't need to be an "angry disenfranchised white boy done wrong" right now - as motivating as the music might be at the gym. I want to be more in touch with love and wonder, now, as it's apparently All Around me, and all I have to do is open my eyes and reach for it ... I may not reach it, but at least I'll die with my arm pointing in the right direction.

The latest thing on my SO SAD radar is the murder of 8 year old Leiby Kletzky, of a small, tight-knit, protective and peaceful Jewish community in New York City, by another member of its larger Jewish community. I grieve for their community, and for my friends and classmates that are of that community. To my outsider mind, they were trying to achieve their own utopia by creating a safe, peaceful, respectful community. A main reason why a utopia on Earth can never be achieved is that evil lurks within all of us - before our alignment with any society that we think/hope works towards the best. Still, what is there to do, but to keep trying?

I need to apply for professional griever status. They could license me and tax me, and I'd be free to show up at funerals and other events. I am definitely gifted in this area. There must be a reason for it.

© 2011 (July 15) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20110708 partial journal entry

2011-07-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

Friday July 8, 2011

It’s just after 8:30 a.m. on Friday morning in the summertime, and I just put in a load of laundry. Tears for my missing deceased kitty Posey still come several times daily. (I woke up at 3:21 a.m. today and the first thing I did is cry a bit for Posey, who I miss so much, and the last thing I did last night at 10:30 p.m. something was to cry for Posey.) Posey was my very frequent laundry room buddy and helper during the past year, so I especially miss her there. I am currently keeping in the laundry room the black igneous “broken heart” shaped rock that I found in the Russian river near Healdsburg on July 4 - as Posey is why my heart is currently broken.

When I was in the laundry room just a few minutes ago, I was recalling how when I was with K2 and K3 and Posey, I would frequently gently stroke Posey over and over, proclaiming, “We have a kitten, we have a kitten, we have a kitten” with an awe-filled voice. (K2 and K3 and I had been calling Posey “the big kitten” since we got younger kitten Oliver on May 14, and since Posey had turned 1 on about May 20.) Since Posey is missing to us now … we don’t have that kitten. So I am sad - heartbroken! I wanted to have loved her for quite many years – but I guess we did love her well for almost her whole life. So … I’m crying again for my kitty who is gone from my arms and purview (purr-view?), but whose body is actually something like only 10 feet from me as I type this now. I failed to protect Posey kitty, which is what I said I’d do when I signed on to care for her for 20+ years – and I’m having trouble forgiving myself and moving on.

The day of her demise, Tuesday June 14, I lied down on the family room sofa in the late morning with a slight headache after leaving the sliding glass door cracked for Posey, since she had been cooped up all morning. Usually we made the morning gardening rounds together, but I had been up since 12:30 a.m. with a headache, and just wanted to lie down for a bit, and maybe even try to doze to make up for some of my missing sleep. I figured Posey would just roll on the warm bricks right outside our family room door and patrol the pollinators on the lavender bush as she usually did. She usually didn’t seem to like to venture far from me, and if I wasn’t outside, she either wasn’t outside or was right outside the family room door or the living room sliding door, looking at the insects. I am so glad I gave Posey a thorough and loving stroking and cooing-to when I returned home from my volunteer commitment at 10:15 a.m.; I really got her purring that morning, good - I specifically recall making a mental note to tell K2 later that I had gotten Posey purring really well this morning. What made her go to the street? (If we can presume a car hit her.) Did she follow me to the mailbox when I checked for the mail around midday? I don’t remember her being there, or checking the mail, but I virtually always check the mail at that time. Did she stay near the street if she shadowed me, and get distracted into the street at the wrong time, or did something scare her and make her bolt into the street? Or did that happen when she was out by the street on her own, when I wasn’t watching her or exactly aware of where she was? – When I was not on guard for the sweet kitten I had signed on to love and nurture and protect. And does it even matter? Now her ions are feeding back into the soil, and she is nourishing the soil, just like some mouse ions were nourishing Posey’s mother, when she was pregnant with Posey roughly a year and a half ago. I put pansy seeds into the soil over Posey’s spot, and I put freshly bloomed jasmine blossoms there, too. I know I love getting my hands into all our soil and always have, so I feel connected to Posey in that way, too, because she is of the soil now. I also feel connected to Posey and all good beasties in being able to recall that I’ve always treated cats well and lovingly, and nurtured them, and given them “my last hamburger” (which my friend Scott once marveled at, but I wasn’t too impressed with, since I knew my next meal was due in only a few hours). I wish I hadn’t teased Scott’s cat Pancho with aluminum foil, which Pancho was very frightened of, but I was very young and stupid then, and I think that was the only time I was mean to a cat. I've always treated dogs very well, too.

We are all destined someday to be has-been corpses, because of the nature of time; it’s just a matter of when. It’s good to know corpses are part of the cycle of nature, too. I Still think it’s neat that there is life.

I have been able to exercise vigorously - but not too much, as I’m sometimes prone to do, in my fit middle-aged arrogance - at the Southwest YMCA this week. Lately since mostly having stopped running again after the Girls on the Run 5k on May 14, I’ve only been doing 30 minutes of vigorous cardio (usually elliptical, sometimes treadmill running 10 minute miles for 15-30 minutes still). My weights go quickly because I’m only doing single sets, and I get them done in not much longer than 30 minutes, these days. Last July, I set new weight records for myself at my gym, and was exercising a lot – and I didn’t even Know Posey kitty existed yet. (Strange to think, there was a Time Before I loved Posey. It feels like I’ve Always loved Posey. I first met her and fell in love with her cute and dear face on August 3, 2010.) Anyway, although I am still working fairly committedly in weights, a lot of the equipment they had last year is gone, which cut my daily weights a lot, and I just haven’t felt called to grow myself a lot in that area, recently. Maybe such progress will come again sometime, or maybe I’ll just maintain the good strength I have now. I AM leg pressing 210 pounds now, after all – 2 sets of 12 because the second set is a calf raise rather than mostly thigh. I do get my heart going hard enough during cardio each time that I can only squeeze out a few words, and I keep that up for 30 minutes, at least, numerous times a week. Anyway. Just trying to stay positive in the way that I can, right now.

By the way: an online definition of “purview”: the extent or range of function, power, or competence; scope; range of vision, comprehension, or experience; outlook.

© 2011 (July 8) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20110618 Facebook reply to grieving friend

2011-06-18T16:40:00.000-07:00

My friend posted this on Facebook: Copy and paste this if your DAD is in heaven. If roses grow in heaven, Lord, then pick a bunch for me. Place them in my dad's arms and tell him they're from me. Tell him that I love and miss him, and when he turns to smile, place a kiss upon his cheek and hold him for awhile ... ♥ I love and miss you DAD ♥.

This was my reply to her: This is a topic that is especially near and dear to me right now, too. Your father is surrounded by roses, and all that's good, I believe. (Incidentally, I can tell that without ever having met him - I wish I could have met him.) Your dad was good while alive, and by being so, he surrounded himself and attracted and created other "good" - like your lovely self! (My father died in November 2005 and it's been a very soulful and steep-learning-curve trip since then. You'd think I'd be farther along after five and a half years, but no ... but maybe I'm where I "should" or could be, anyway. One of the tiny things I do each day is to shoot tiny good thoughts or prayers to him or his memory or what he represented to me or thanks to God or Nature for having allowed his bag of biochemicals and electricity to exist. Like when I'm on the treadmill. Seeing certain numbers on the treadmill, like his birthday, reminds me to spend a few happy moments thinking about him or fake-communicating right to him. (Who knows - maybe it's not fake communicating - maybe he or God are somehow instantly reading me loud and clear.) "Dad, you were such a Kick-A when you made us go uphill on those off-road bikes so fast!", I thought to myself one time today. I virtually always smile for a few moments. So, all I can say is, try to profit from your grieving journey as much as you can - it sounds like you are being mostly very positive. I hope that is also true for your siblings.

© 2011 (June 18) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20110609 email

2011-06-09T10:39:00.001-07:00

Thank you for the nice reply and good news about your boy winning his game and playing great.

Here is some quick information about my oldest kid's scholarship:

http://admissions.rpi.edu/aid/medal.html

I got two full rides offered to me at that age - that was a kick for me! They were music scholarships, and were through scouts at my music competitions in high school. I didn't care about them at all, and was glad I had the choice of whether or not to take them.

I just commented to the family this morning that K1 is our first football player to be recruited. ;-) I immediately felt a tiny bit bad, because K2 was listening, and he is a bit of an underachiever at the present time, through not trying his best in several realms. For example, in math and track. Yet just yesterday, I was having an impromptu conversation with K2's principal on how his math teacher totally turned him off from math this year. He went from being a straight A student to being an A and B student, through having become disinclined to try in Mrs. Blasberg's class. She is one who gushes never-endingly about her top students - to the actual detriment of all her other students. I told the principal that at the open house in fall 2010, all Mrs. Blasberg did was to gush about the Stanford tailgating community, and about how her math and science students come back to gush about how well she prepared them - leaving 5 or 10 minutes to discuss the whole then-upcoming math 8A curriculum. At the spring 2011 open house, all she did is gush and hug her returning students, to the detriment again of being able to discuss the just-ending 8A class, and any projects that were sitting out. We were never able to greet her or discuss things with her, either time. I felt disinclined to send her a follow-up email after either event, so I guess I let my child suffer, and he didn't work to his potential, either. I am supposed to get in touch with the principal again, soon after school gets out on June 16, but again, I don't really want to, because I feel it could only hurt my child coming into the middle school system, and it could no longer help my exiting middle school child. And that's with a very helpful and responsive middle school principal with a fantastic educational paradigm. Anyway. Life will go on, and K2 will eventually rise to whichever level of cream he is meant to settle out at, I believe. Thanks for reading my missives and supporting me and my whole family, through all the years as they go by.

Best regards and love to you and your children and mother and every other relative! :-) Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2011 (June 9) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

the Boxer Rebellion "Caught by the Light" lyrics

2011-06-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

The Boxer Rebellion "Caught by the Light" lyrics:

Caught by the light aware but asleep
Never as close as the friends that you keep
Drifting away on one final breath
The further you climb, calm silhouette

And takes you along, long, long, long
And takes you along, long, long, long

Far from a world ailing to live
Far from the wreckage you were left in

And the crossing is over where the righteous remain
In the memory it's deeper, survived by a name
The rest is sufficient, a midnight complaint
Left waiting in silence, left only to sleep

It takes you along, long, long, long
And takes you along.

Marine Science Institute June 2, 2011

2011-06-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

Hi friend, I really enjoyed your email - thanks for writing it.
I hope your kid's first big game went well. Tell me about it ...
To me, the iPods are not much of an issue. "Whatever", I guess, would be my official stand - unless there were a reason to care otherwise. It would be good if kids worked towards them in some way.
Glad you were thinking happy thoughts involving Mellencamp memories for a few moments - also glad to hear about how well you're doing with your running!
This far after it, are you still glad you did your intensive physical Insanity recently?
I am still exercising pretty rigidly, but I freely give myself permission to cut back when I'm feeling sore or tired. That way I hopefully don't burn out. I've stuck with my current exercise program since August 26, 2009 - that's about 1 and three-quarters years - and have progressively grown my game during that time. That's pretty long for me to stick with something.
I like when "Tom Sawyer" shuffles along on my iPod; it's a fine and formative tune from my youth.
We are just back from a day-long fifth grade trip on the San Francisco bay. It was by the Marine Science Institute - we were all on a 90 foot long scientific research vessel. The kids ran actual meaningful scientific experiments and learned how to figure out the names of various estuary creatures we encountered. Great fun, also, was the actual hard physical teamwork of 25 kids pulling up a giant trawling net that got samples for them to look at, treat with respect, and figure out the names of, by identifying their main characteristics. A big smile of a day - but we were still a bit mentally worn by the end of the day. We're not used to the energy of that many kids that age, for so long. Even our kid said, "We're not used to being around our classmates for that many hours a day". Since we were tired, we let ourselves go to this cool new corner sports bar that's only a mile and a half from us. Two of the kids were along, but one groused and stayed home. "So be it", we threw up our hands and decreed. We brought him back lots of yummy sandwich remnants with plentiful tooth marks.
Friday kid three is in her grade's musical performance. She will play cello. She is a fine player. She is about to start on private lessons in downtown San Jose (roughly 20? miles away, with difficult downtown parking, so a bit of a hassle). She asked for the lessons multiple times herself, so finally we researched it and found a teacher recommended by the middle school orchestra director. We met with her in late May.
I pick up my new eyeglasses and sunglasses tomorrow morning - I haven't used any eyeglasses in about 5 years; my eye doctor marvels that for now my eyes just seem to be getting better, from their slight prescription. Nevertheless, I have a prescription, so I am getting the eye protection I was recommended by my doctor. Maybe I'll try to stick with the glasses this time - at least some of the time. These will be my first prescription sunglasses. And everything is well-reimbursed by my spouse's Good medical insurance. We are very lucky to have it, and we know it and appreciate it.
I just ran out of steam and gotta go make the rounds to everyone, one last time, before I let myself conk out. I am not used to one beer hitting me so hard.
Lots of love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2011 (June 2) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20110103 On cold and hard climates

2011-01-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

She would LOVE the cold and hard winters of Ohio! She has always dreamed of living in a hard and cold climate.
I have also mastered such climates and enjoyed them, in my earlier life. I was proud to shovel snow first and early for all the senior citizens and busy working professionals living around me the two times I lived in Providence, Rhode Island. I shoveled as a kindness and mark of respect for my neighbors and what they did/who they were.
At Lake Tahoe, I was reminded that my ability and quick help with shoveling are a real gift of mine - an area in which I could give. I'm pleased that I've built up my muscle strength significantly since 2009; it made the shoveling lighter. I shoveled out parts of our motel parking lot in South Lake Tahoe, recently, and helped any car trying to get out, before it even tried to get out.
Or maybe Ohio's cold and hard winters would eventually cause K1 to appreciate the warmth and easy living of the California climate more - which is also a positive.

On Sun, Jan 2, 2011 at 1:43 PM, All Peach wrote:
> Hi 90hazelnut,
> Nice email with good applying-to-university info in it.
> How about Ohio State - or Ohio Dominican is excellent, too.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2011 (January 3) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

Old Joke: your married behind isn't going anywhere

2010-11-27T18:59:00.000-08:00

A couple had only been married for 2 weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: German, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop ... but at the bar ... you know ... they have frozen glasses ..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious ... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise ... OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and port strips.

"But my sweety honey ... at the bar ... you know, there's swearing, dirty words and all that ..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? "LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR FRICKING HORS D'OEUVRES, BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A FRICKING BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER ... GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"

... and they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

© 2010 (November 26) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101123 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-11-23T08:51:00.000-08:00

... by not being my active Facebook friend.
Actually you Are my FB friend, with only your fictitious birthdate for information.
(What does that date refer to?)
[You once indicated that you forgot the password for that account.]

Anyway, this morning so far I posted this:

"I sometimes feel I don't quite get it when people tell me, 'At least you have your kids'. I love my kids, but my having kids is independent of the statement I just issued. Therefore it does not compute. I barely know what to answer. I know by experience that it's my role to then give a gentle smile and say 'Of course you're right, and we're all healthy', so that's what I do. But it's little reactions of mine like this that cause me to think I am a little bit on the autistic end. Low in EQ, I suppose. Yet I survive."

This is what bored or lonely people do, when they want some down time - spend time on Facebook. I try to minimize the time I waste at FB - it's not all wasted - some is good friendship and fellowshipping.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (November 23) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101116 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-11-16T09:57:00.001-08:00

Hi All Peach, thanks for your nice email of yesterday, and also, your telephone attempt and your texting. My phone was lurking in my gym bag for a few hours until I realized I didn't have it.

We got K1's high school parking permit for MY car yesterday - that involved filling out forms and paying $25 per year. Seniors have to pay by the semester, because they have a lottery for limited better parking each semester. Then we had to go to our insurance agent for an hour and watch a safe driving video for half an hour (we saw/heard gory teenage accident footage and stories, told by teen survivors - not actual mechanics-of-driving tips) and she had to read a booklet and take a test that took a half hour. This entitled us to get an insurance discount.

K3 has play practice today. In this year's play, she has quite a number of speaking lines - also singing and dancing, etc. She is loving it, and she is still loving the martial arts - but she didn't go yesterday, because for some reason she can't tolerate the Monday class (she won't tell me why - I don't notice anything different about it). Maybe on Monday a kid comes, who she doesn't really care for, or something. Anyway, she'll still be going maybe double the minimum they ask, so I'm fine with her vetoing a specific day each week. She is good about taking the Monday class if there are too many play rehearsals calling for her character to be in attendance, on the other weekdays.

K2 is doing nothing except playing Call of Duty - ha ha. He does his homework and gets straight As. He procrastinates starting his homework until mid evening, like his older sister gets away with. He also goes on Facebook somewhat, and I heard him telling K1 his [large] number of friends. I don't think he's sucked into FB anywhere nearly as bad as the high school girls. (Yet?!) He does well in his PE classes, but nothing more. I keep inviting him to my gym for either cardio or weights. He tricks me sometimes and says he's finally psyched to start at the southwest YMCA, so he'll be ready for spring Pony - then he'll change his mind again. I actually believe he doesn't mean to deceive me, but he lets himself get psyched out by his perceived inadequacies.

I am so tired. I've been trying to work out every day of November except Thanksgiving - well, weights, for sure. I'll give myself days off, or easy days, in cardio - because my knees, etc., develop built-up pain and tiredness. I also haven't been sleeping much - 3 hours at a time for the past half week, and not much more than that, usually. I have the opportunity to sleep, but my mind won't let itself relax, or something. I hope you've been getting enough sleep. I know you often skimp on the sleep you need, in favor of the boys' needs, work, etc.

All my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (November 16) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101115 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-11-16T09:20:00.000-08:00

Hi All Peach, it just turned into Monday for me, so I'm writing to wish you a happy week. I can't sleep because my stomach is burning so bad. It was from an Italian dish heavy on acidic tomato and sausage; I was suspecting it was maybe going to be a problem. My spouse made it. But it was tasty, and at least the kids ate it. (We still have significant problems trying to get everyone to eat what is prepared, even with how old they are now.) I almost never have a burning stomach, so I'm not really sure what to do about it.

I haven't been writing much because I'm so sad about my mother's rapid decline. I've just been on a big sad kick. Grieving, I suppose. She was always saying, "That's life" - she still says that. My brother B1 gets sick of hearing her say that. He always says, "No, that's not life - that's effing Death". My mother's boyfriend is after B2 - and of course all of us - to find an assisted living place for her SOON. He thinks there could possibly be some kind of tragedy soon, if she stays at home. Her nausea (and dizziness) is very bad and she has abandoned her lifelong healthy eating; she can only tolerate sweets now. A big shame.

I need a big attitude change - but I'm not sure how to accomplish that. I've tried so many times to change my attitude through positive thinking, etc. Why is it a fight to hold a good attitude, so often? Is that "life"?

"Life is strange - oh yes, but compared to what?" - Steve Forbert

I hope your week is easy. Is it cold there yet? I saw Minneapolis got a significant winter storm by Saturday morning, the 13th, already - pretty early. Take care and lots of love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (November 16) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101028 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-10-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, Thank you for all the good wishes.

I was talking to my B2 yesterday about my family flying out for Thanksgiving for "one last visit". They haven't seen her since EVS willfully dropped the book on K3's head in 2006. After thinking about it for 24 hours more, B2 ever-so-delicately told me that it really would be too hard on EVS, for us to come see her around Thanksgiving. I wanted to do one final try, but he must be right.

For some things - it really IS too late. C'est la vie - ou plu(s)tot, la morte!

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (October 28) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101023 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-10-23T01:47:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, thank you for the email. I tried texting you a photo from an airport on October 21, but it did not go through.

The trip was emotionally hard. There were many happy and love-filled moments, too, though.

I hope you and your family are well, and enjoying some of life's rich offerings. All my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (October 23) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

I wrote yesterday that I never wrote verse

2010-10-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

I've been Irish, I've been French.
I swam through a deep-sea trench.
When she got there,
The corals looked bare,
And so the good girl took none.

© 2010 (October 8) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101005 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-10-05T14:02:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, thanks for that email before your trip.

It was neat to hear about what you might get to see and learn on your trip. It was also interesting to read about your son and his personal coach and their interaction with the Major League manager and his son.

K2 is anxious about his homework, and spends more time moaning pitifully about how it's too hard to possibly even try to do, than he spends on doing the homework. Yesterday he bawled at us for 3 hours until my spouse really gave him a piece of his mind (not that he hadn't been, already; he upped it), saying that K2 was causing All of us to suffer for hours, which was disrespectul and annoying and bothersome to us, and that K2 wasn't even making any progress on his homework either.
On the plus side, K2 announced a few days ago that, among other workout goals, he'd like to start strength training now, in preparation for the spring Pony season. In previous recent months, he was often saying that he couldn't possibly try out for Pony, because all the other guys have grown already and he is puny. So this is a good sign, that he wants to work towards a physical goal. That's taking some responsibility for his future, and he made the decision himself. I have started to ask around at the YMCA about any good trainers that work with youth - hopefully a college guy or someone not too far away from K2's age, so he can feel like he's with someone he can relate to, somewhat, and feel comfortable with.

I'm glad to read that your workouts are going well, as you recover. I hope your recovery continues to go smoothly.

I've been working out as much as always, but I am taking it a little easier sometimes. That of course makes me feel uneasy and weak. I've been tired, and it's been hurting somewhere inside my hip for a few weeks. Then there's the GI work-up I'm supposed to have at Stanford - I've been putting that off while I think about other things, like my mom. I am a bit anxious about my TDY, wondering if it will go well - or will it sometimes be an ordeal to survive?

Well, I have school pick-up soon. I have to do double my normal pick-ups this week. I hope your flight went smoothly and that you get to relax for a few hours in your hotel room or wherever. I like the idea of some enforced relaxation for you, sometimes!

Take good care, love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (October 5) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100924 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-09-24T10:41:00.000-07:00

Wow, how pretty. I would Love to go on a drive with you through such an autumn scene Real Soon!!!

Any time now, I'll start playing Midnight Oil's "Blue Sky Mining" CD. It's what we played as we sat out in the car at Taunton pond; I had recently bought it. BTW you can enter Taunton Pond at google maps and remember how it was.

I am deep in my personal misery right now, but anticipate coming out of it sometime. I was thrilled at the autumnal equinox and full moon being within about 10 hours of each other. I did some early morning sky admiring before driving to the Southwest YMCA, and on breaks between weights and cardio rooms; I even explained what I was doing to two people who inquired. Driving to the gym by the light of the early morning full moon was lovely, too; Jupiter was near the moon yesterday morning, and it was bright.

A few days ago, I acquired the Linkin Park "A Thousand Suns" CD; it was released on September 14. I have been playing it a lot in the car and at the gym, and have it memorized now. I've started to make variations of song sections in my mind as I lie peacefully half-asleep or half-awake OR exercising. That's been nice, and so much fun, and invigorating to this aging brain. It is being said that this CD represents a softer side of Linkin Park - that they're maturing past the angry young men stage they used to be in. I don't find it overly soft. I think I can see lots of homages to great musical artists, like in track 7 "Jornada del Muerto" they seem to have a long classic-Genesis-style section that's kickin'. (LP's website states their heaviest recent influences, but I am mostly inexperienced with current music.) I am loving every selection on this CD, and right now they're all thrilling me. Today I lied in bed from 6 to 7 and played that CD because I've had a nagging deep pain somewhere inside my hip area, and I decided finally today that I should just rest it.

K2 goes home with his excellent friend S today. I expect big and interesting things from S. His parents are wonderful, loving, fully committed parents, I believe; I spent the day at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk with the mother and her 2 kids, and my kids. I was so impressed by that lovely woman. I am so happy that K2 is welcome in their home today to work on a school project with S, and to have a little fun, too. S has cat ramps up from bunk beds to the highest corner of the room, where there's a ledge the cats can hang out on. K2 and I are so impressed by them. I and my spouse want to build similar ramps or a cat condo with K2, and I hope K2 is finally going to go for that project, soon. (Sometimes K2 and his father end up rubbing each other the wrong way and K2 will angrily abandon a task at hand.) S's cat ramps are carpeted all around, even underneath, so a high-spirited frisky kitten could conceivably pull herself up the underside of one, if she had spare energy. :-)

Take good care, All Peach.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (September 24) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100920 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-09-21T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hello, friend! How are you? I hope you and your family are well.

I have really close to a migraine headache, which started at 2 a.m. I was half-awake for many hours in a really weird mental state. I just now drank some G2 Gatorade but am going to take it easy food-wise for a while; this episode affected my intestines. I feel so weak and shaken.

(That's the first time in my life I ever drank a full container of Gatorade. I always thought of it as sweet kids' stuff, or for serious athletes, not me - I thought I surely could do without its sugar. And G2 has sucralose in it, so that's not ideal either. I don't need an artificial sweetener and I don't want one. But the doctor at Stanford University medical center is recommending I drink Gatorade before my workouts, for the electrolytes plus water. She said the intestines can't absorb pure water when in a low-oxygen setting like during my inferred runner's ischemic colitis.)

I feel like I don't have a friend in the world, though that's not true. And I remember the love my mother once offered me as a small child, and in her twisted ways years later, and that makes me feel both profoundly sad yet also as if I've been loved. And my father was usually quite loving to me, while also critical and demanding. (I could use a dose of his style of loving again, about now. Maybe he'd knock some sense into me, too.)

The kids have been really quiet around me. But K2 talked to me for 45 minutes this morning, after the others had left.

I could use a caring gesture from someone. But I guess I'll start out by thinking about "inasmuch as you do it unto the least of these, you do it unto me" - Jesus. I will have to think of ministering to those around me as doing it for Jesus. If I'm the bride of Christ, that's a pretty cool and honored position to be in, and it carries responsibilities.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (September 21) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100831 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-08-31T09:03:00.001-07:00

Hi All Peach, thanks for the email. I'm glad you and your family are well.

It was a little busy yesterday, with it being the first day of school.

I'm glad you and your K2 enjoyed the concert so much, and the baseball game the day before. My spouse ended up taking K2 and the neighbor boy to a Giants game Saturday August 28th. Sunday, K3 cried at having been excluded, and that K2 seems to be their father's favorite (nonsense, my spouse spat back at K3 without any sympathy) - then he and I had a tiny few-sentence tiff. K3 was apparently a little anxious Sunday evening, with school starting the next morning, and whiningly wanted to be reassured of her dad's love - but she wasn't, this one time. At the moment, I am her favorite parent, and I will enjoy that while it lasts. :-)

I think your and our kids are another year older and wiser than on August 31, 2009. They walked in their shoes and saw with their own eyes for an additional year, then outgrew those shoes, and the eyes also got higher off the ground during that time. They had to recalibrate their sights, on the fly! ;-)

A kitten is buzzing around my keyboard and monitor as I type. So cute. We think her name is settling on Posey. That annoys K1 to no end, but she has not been at all helpful in getting this cat named; she has only been severely critical of every suggestion. So kitty's name is supposed to be officially Buster Posey, according to me.

Say, your sister is really a fine woman. She is a blessing to her family and to probably all that she comes in contact with. I would do well to emulate her. She is a fine example of mature and loving womanhood. My sister-in-law in Minnesota is also a fine example of a good human being. So is my mother-in-law, and so is every one on that side! I was richly blessed by the family I married into, and I am still learning a lot from them.

I've been back at the southwest YMCA 5 times in the nearly 10 complete days I've been back. I've been really taking it easy. I was quite taxed on my first day back, and at the time thought that my weights were too much to go back to, after 10 days away - but later came to see that I was heavily beset by seasonal allergies and a cold or flu (on the severe end of the spectrum for about 3 days). I stepped up with my use of dilute chlorine rinse around the house, and no one else seemed to get sick, though K3 seemed to get the heavy allergies I did, for a few days. She goes to Tae Kwon Do today, after 3 days off. She didn't want to go yesterday, after her first day of school, and it wasn't even hot. She just wanted to unwind and mentally prepare for going there Tuesday (which she committed to), so I thought that was fine. I would want to think about all the new things I experienced and people I met, too. Oh, yeah, I also stepped up with my dilute salt spray in my nose, to help pathogens slide away, and I think that helped my cold or flu move through very quickly in only about 3 days. I think the salt spray also helps keep the pollens rinsed down, too, as I catch up on yard work. (I find it relaxing to go out into the yard and shift gears, when kid voices start sounding a little shrill or whiny.)

Did you get any personalized birthday attention this past weekend? Did you get a meal you really liked, out of your birthday weekend? I'd like it if you did ...

Take good care, all my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (August 31) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100822 Tip

2010-08-22T15:43:00.000-07:00

If you've been outside all night, and you can't get to a shower anytime soon, remember this:
When you are outside for hours, carry a small cleaning brush which can tuck into your palm, like a finger grooming brush. Get yourself into pond water or salty water; salty or brackish water is better (?). Give yourself a gentle but thorough scrub all over. You could be considered as good as clean.
You don't need a towel. Water drips off and dries within minutes, on the large scale. You could flick the extra drops off with the brush, if you wanted to speed things up. Get your clothes back on quickly and leave this vulnerable position.
This has been my useful (?!) tip of the day.

20100822 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-08-22T15:21:00.001-07:00

Congratulations on your kid's having made the hotshot team! I wanted to send you this message before I left, but my spouse was having a hissy fit.
I am glad your K1 has a personal coach. I believe he will thank you for this quite a few times, when he's a seasoned adult.
I am so sorry about your spouse having a rough time at work. I have prayed for her every day for quite a while. I will keep doing that. Why not; it's free, and it's good for all concerned, and it feels good. :-)
I also wish I could have gotten the messages with good mental vibes for your spouse to you much earlier, too. Oh well, the praying and the good thoughts happened for all of you.
All my love, 90hazelnut
P.S. We got back a few hours ago, safe but busy. Two cars need "emergent" alignment and new tires, and school official paperwork needs to be filled out, and there are "a ton of" little things to get done. ;-)

[~This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut. True Dat.~]

© 2010 (August 22) 90hazelnut, all rights reserved.

20100822 JournalPartial

2010-08-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

This morning I was power-walking outside on the tarmac at Salt Lake City, coming out of an E gate, in order to get on a small plane serving a regional market. It was a lovely sunny warm morning, with low-angle shadows good for accentuating western geology by. I smiled and said to my acquaintance, "Hey, if it's Salt Lake City and I'm with YOU, this must be 1960!" I got a broad smile.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (August 22) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100810 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-08-10T05:41:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, thanks for writing to me. I am glad you are all well.

I liked reading about what your kids are doing. That's really neat that they are getting lessons in their sports.

Our kitten is lots of fun, and she's nice, too. I often have to keep reminding the kids to play with her and tire her out, though, so K2 can get a decent night's sleep. Kitty is bunking with K2 until he decides to change that. So far it was only the first night that he didn't get much sleep. She doesn't have a name, yet. We are trying out different names. First K2 picked "Carmella", but he decided he didn't want that, after a couple days. Then she was "Choco Taco" and "Taco Bella" for a little while. :-) Mostly she gets called "Little Kitty" or "Baby". I play with her a lot, because she's fun and nice, she needs it, and because I CAN!

I am now recalling earlier times in my life when I had kittens before - that's mostly nice, too. There was this one time I had new kittens that was bittersweet, though; my father was binge drinking around my 25th birthday and I frequently brought the kittens "home" that fall. I was going to graduate school in Rhode Island then, and it was a 3 hour drive back to see my parents. I always enjoyed making the trip, because the drive was lovely and I was happy I had parents to minister to. Anyway, that birthday weekend of mine, he wanted me to drive out and get more booze, or else he would, and so I eventually Did, to prevent him from driving, when he wouldn't let up on the matter. He had multiple sets of car keys and I didn't even know where they all were. I immediately started kicking myself right after that weekend, that I didn't think to simply barricade the driveway with my car. I Did let the owner of the liquor store know not to sell to him in the near future, though ... he said they wouldn't sell to an intoxicated person ... Oh, well. He came out of that episode nicely and probably went on to the next one, some months later. Mostly he was dry by then, because he had been going to AA for many years. He didn't stop the periodic binges until close to the end of his life, but I guess that was his escape valve. It's nice that it was only episodic. He once asked my brother, while lying in his hospital bed near the end, did my brother think my father shortened his life with his drinking? My brother thought about it, answered thoughtfully and kindly, but did say yes.

K1 drove on Sunday - I was with her. We went to see the movie Inception on that outing. It was an unusual movie. The premise of multiple layers of dreaming was interesting.

K3 went to martial arts yesterday, and will probably go today. She still hasn't started sparring, because her mouthpiece hasn't arrived. That was the most expensive item of her new sparring gear, the rest of which she's had for about 3 or 4 weeks. At her level they only do sparring on Fridays.

We (me plus kids) are hoping to sneak in a trip to Great America in Santa Clara on Wednesday or Thursday. One of K2's friends would come along. K1 is planning something else with one of her friends - just hanging out, I think - maybe even at our house, though she doesn't like having people over when her siblings are there, and when are they not. Too bad the kids didn't exercise much this summer, except for K3. Well, they'll soon be getting back into the swing of things. What day does school start for you all? Here it's August 30. Is your oldest "totally stoked" about starting high school? I would imagine!

Well, I hope you all have a lovely and easy day! All my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (August 10) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100808 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-08-08T06:07:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, thanks for your email, as always. It's nice to know someone cares.

Saturday late morning, we picked up K1 at camp. We got to see her world. She, as a counselor-in-training, was directly responsible for the happiness and well-being of several six-year-olds. The camp got good slave labor out of her, but she also had fun and made new, positive connections (relationships) with youths around her age. I heard them all reassuring each other that they Had given their friend their facebook contact.

I had pain from the moment I woke up on Saturday. But it never got past a 4 on the pain scale. I don't have pain this morning.

I've been going to the Southwest YMCA, but I've dialed it back in cardio since August started. I thought I eased back in weights, but I see the same numbers, when it gets tallied. I am thinking to read a bit about the muscles, because I'm getting more curious about what actually happens in the muscles on the macro scale. I once studied exercise-related phenomena on a cell and molecular scale when I was in graduate school in molecular biology. Remember those times? Isn't it neat, also, that nowadays, you could look up "molecular biology", or something else, on wikipedia dot org, and you could get a quick or thorough glance at what that field is about?

BTW, we have known each other for more than 20 and a half years already! :-)

Friday, a lady asked me to apply for a position at her company. She said she told her boss about me, and the boss already knew of me and liked me ?! (I don't think I know who her boss is.) They "like my style" and my approach to learning new things.

I am eager to read more about the sports activities of your kids. I really like reading those installments. It's nifty that our kids are paralleling each others' experiences, somewhat, in the exercise and school realm. It's nice they're all growing up in a mostly-peaceful, mostly-free country, as well as secure immediate surroundings. They have it easy and healthy, but they are learning and working, and so maybe have the best of all worlds to grow up in. We can Hope!

I hope your spouse is feeling blessed, and is feeling her load is on the easy side right now. I know your spouse doesn't seem to respond to hearing about how good she has it, even if that's true in several ways. She still feels she has a heavy load. I feel this way, too, numerous times, like when I feel I am the only one working hard around me. And sometimes I feel I am trying to spin too many plates. And sometimes I allow myself to spin off into a self-pity party, by allowing myself to think I am doing a piss-poor job with the plates.

(So?!) I try to regrip, then, if I catch myself. I give myself a metaphoric pat on the back. I pet and play with my 3 cats. I smile at and say nice things to my kids as I walk by them with a full laundry hamper.

I hope you and your family have a very nice day. All my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (August 8) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100805 Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-08-05T06:34:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, I hope you and your family are having a good and healthy and blessed day.

This is my brother B1's response to the "Freedom paid for mostly by U.S. Marines" reposting. I guess it resonated well with him.

"This is good and true. I've talked to so many soldiers here (there are so many bases around here) that are active duty and they all said the same, pretty much. Namely that we are accomplishing things in Iraq and Afghanistan, and that you shouldn't believe anything the media says about those theaters of operation. They went on to say what the media reports is chronically and categorically wrong and untrue; don't believe any of it. What is going on in theater is completely different than what is reported."

My brother B2 called me on August 3 and told me that my mother didn't recognize her boyfriend for about 200 miles while in the airplane on the way back from their trip. B2 is now stepping up his interviews of assisted living facilities, and he says she is seeming to not be against moving into an assisted living facility. He says he has his first interview on Friday; I volunteered to fly out and do some interviews with him. He said it is really not needed, in these preliminary stages; he is just gathering information now. I said I know you can handle it; I'd just be there for moral support and since I haven't seen her and you all for a while. He asked, why don't you come in October? I personally think she may have lost a lot more by October ... So I am thinking a lot about this. And I have something major taking up a good part of August, and also a lovely new kitten.

Thanks for your kaizen in the form of your prayers, and your otherwise excellent attitude towards seemingly everything. You have been a great mentor and friend when I needed it. I SO still need to grow in MULTIPLE arenas!

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (August 5) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100801 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-08-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

Dear All Peach, thank you very much for your interesting email and news, as always.

Today (Sunday August 1) my family and I are driving to and hiking in Pinnacles National Monument. The weather forecast is 74 F - how awesome, as it could be baking there instead, but in northern California we're having a notable cool spell lately, to even hundreds of miles inland. If you want to take a glance at an image or info about Pinnacles, here is the URL:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinnacles_National_Monument

Maybe you had even been able to visit Pinnacles during your time in California (?).

I'm glad you had a nice time on your spouse and in-law outing on Saturday. I'm happy for you all that you had such a pleasant time for a few hours.

It was really neat to read about your kids' sports tryouts and their many other sports commitments. You inspire me to want to do better by my kids' physical education. Do you have any idea how I could get started with them? I took them to the Southwest YMCA that one day recently, but it was not a very positive experience for them; they felt intimidated by how the trainers spoke to them, I think. Yesterday I (again) mentioned to my spouse that we could do some light family calisthenics together in the mornings. I think I will have to be the one to mostly run this, since he is eager to run off to work on weekday mornings, though he gets to see the kids each morning. I was thinking we could even rotate and let each person pick their stretching exercise for the group, in sequence. Do you have any specific tips in this area or in any other exercise area, for exercising with them? I think it will be nice to go hiking through Pinnacles with them today!

I am always so touched and my heart feels warmer when I read about how much face and body time your brother spends with your kids; he is such a good uncle! I am deeply inspired by what a good human being he is to the next generation. I feel sad that he didn't have his own kids, but happy that he can minister so frequently and constantly to your kids.

In martial arts, K3 and her classmates have been taught about Kaizen. [Kaizen (Japanese for "improvement" or "change for the better") refers to philosophy or practices that focus upon continuous improvement of processes in manufacturing, engineering, supporting business processes, and management. -Wikipedia]. At Studio Kicks, they define it as constant, never-ending improvement. You and your family remind me of this philosophy, too. You just keep on trying, don't you? :-)

I'm glad your kids enjoyed the festival. Even your K2 has a girlfriend?! Wow, I just couldn't imagine my K2 with a girlfriend yet. All my kids are far too reserved to pursue such a thing at the moment, I think. I think they kind of hang back and observe when they're with people their age. K1 has gotten sexting from one of her [younger!] male acquaintances, though. As far as I know, she mostly rolls her eyes when kids or other people are talking sexually or potty-mouthed.

How does your K2 feel about his new hard body? I imagine he's thrilled. Has he said anything about it?

I've told my K2 that if he frequents the gym now and starts doing some resistance, he'll have a strong and healthy physique when he does start to grow. But he seems to be too embarrassed to show up at the gym with the way he is. Poor kid. Also, one of the trainers questioned that K2 could have been trained to do the machine he was heading towards (treadmill) - demanded to see his youth I.D. - and made us all go all the way back to the lockers where I had locked them up, and present them to him. But after hearing that, K2 didn't want to go on any machine. I told K2 that the YMCA worker had to verify information for each youth on a non-wavering basis, but that didn't make too much of an impression on him. Now he doesn't want to go back. What if I would sign him up for a number of sessions with a trainer? Then he might feel "valid" there. But would he consent to that? And could his sibling take the training at the same time?

I am surprised to know that you think you could handle and love 10 kids, and I'm impressed. If anyone could do it, it would probably be you! Maybe you could work with kids during your retirement. :-) I bet you will TOTALLY love-on the grandkids, when the time comes!

People aren't up here yet. I enjoy the quiet early morning house. I've been up for several hours. I'm not going to the YMCA today since I've exercised quite many days in a row, and since we're going hiking today.

Lots of love, 90hazelnut

P.S. I forwarded the Marine story to my brothers. They will get a lot out of it. Maybe some of my other friends will get it next.

© 2010 (August 1) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100730 I was searching on Bank of America Chicago Marathon

2010-07-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

www.chicagomarathon.com

One of the charity and sports-minded groups I associate with is doing something in conjunction with the Bank of America Chicago Marathon on October 10, 2010. That's 71 days from the time I write this. Can I get myself trained and able to perform in time? Even with potential surgery in front of me?

20100729 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-07-29T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, Congratulations on your successful trip and getting back home safely. I was hoping you'd get plenty of sleep, but hopefully tonight you can start catching up (?).

I hope everything operated smoothly in your absence: work, home, kids' appointments, etc.

I spent a lot of time on Facebook yesterday afternoon. I hope I don't do that today, because the kids could use my face time more than I need to read people's stuff and post silly things. I already snuck a peak at Facebook and posted a silly thing today, though. It was a joke about sayings that are evocative of a marriage between the African American and Scandinavian traditions. I'm hoping some of my spouse's nice relatives take the bait. Some of them are going through hard times, and maybe could use a few lighthearted sayings. They were fun to come up with. I proposed other people submit their own. :-)

I'm in a good mood, anyway, and that's after having a bad abdominal pain this morning for a few hours (5 on the pain scale; that doesn't happen very often). It was slight before I started exercising, but grew rapidly in strength while I was exercising. And I didn't even hardly do abs, but for one double set of 65. I'm starting to feel better now, though.

Coincidentally, the doctor called two days ago, and said he wants me to have an intestinal procedure called an enteroclysis, which uses radioactive barium as a contrast medium and then takes pictures inside the small intestine. It would be at Stanford University hospital. He first has to call the doctor who would perform the procedure to see if he'd do the procedure on me, because my doctor doesn't do it. I don't know how long this would take to schedule. I was thinking of blowing him off, or at least pushing the test out in time, since we will travel soon, and since I've been having an easy time of things these past few months, except for on the running days. But because I had this significant and unusual pain today, I told my spouse about it - it was that gripping a pain - and he said I should definitely follow through with the doctor and get it at least scheduled. I told him I'm still waiting on the doctor to call the other doctor and report back to me. But I will take it more seriously now.

I'm going to do some laundry, and then I hope to spend some real face time with the kids in a pleasant manner. I need to write a letter to my oldest at camp, because I haven't written one yet, and neither has my spouse (that is unlike us). I should clean the kitchen floor, but I may bag that in favor of the time with the kids and because I'm feeling some discomfort.

I felt Tired on the elliptical at the Southwest YMCA this morning, so I cut it back to 20 minutes today. Yet, my RPMs were a bit faster than usual, when I looked. It's as if my body picks a certain intensity and Must work at that one. Today my body chose 144-148 RPMs, for some reason. I have no say in it. Slowing down doesn't work because it doesn't "feel right". And speeding up is not an option, because I'm tired. Whatever song is playing makes no difference in this matter. Odd, huh? Of course, if I really feel tired, I slow down or stop; I'm just talking about those lesser cases where I just feel it a little.

Next I did 30 min. walking at 4.2 mph and 6% incline. That felt just fine and I could have kept on with that for a lot longer, but didn't want to be stupid about things. And, there Is a life outside the gym to consider ... I'm not trying to work myself into a case of exercise anorexia (fat chance). I enjoyed my gym music a lot today, so that was great. And last night I played a variation of a song I once wrote, after not having played piano in months/years. K2 and K3 and my spouse apparently didn't mind listening to it.

We may be going to Taco Bell for lunch. I think the kids are being nice to me, volunteering that they'd go there, maybe so that I don't have to fix lunch? They don't want Taco Bell much any more. They like when their father prepares "taco night" at home. It IS a pretty awesome spread ...

Well, I wrote a lot about my little daily details. I Was just going to check in with a brief hello, since there wasn't much new.

Looking forward to hearing what you are doing with your kids. Hope your spouse is easy on you as you recover from your trip.

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (July 29) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

2010-07-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, happy Monday. Or maybe Tuesday, by the time you are reading this. Thanks for the nice email.

I noticed that your kid's tryouts are right around the corner. I'm glad they don't have tryouts that early here. I don't know if many people would show up. People here take their vacations seriously. I know several families who go back to where they're from, for as long as they can manage. Usually the mom and the kids can stay the longest.

I'm glad your kids are still making lots of progress in the physical realm. Do you make them read at all, during the summer? We don't, really, other than to encourage sleepy time reading. They just yesterday were saying that they keep reading all summer through all the media that hits their eyes; it's not a skill they'll lose. Okay then.

K1 got off to camp without a problem. I didn't even have to miss an exercise day at the Southwest YMCA, ha ha. K1 has an actual job with responsibilities at camp, and 2 days off when she may go to a limited number of places (like the beach). On the way home, we tried to go to "Mystery Spot" in Santa Cruz, a place in the woods that seems to have gravity anomalies, where things appear to roll uphill, even when you're holding a level right next to the area. But there were too many tourists and summer people out, and we were told to phone back to get a reservation. Anyway, we had a lovely drive through some of the smaller roads of the Santa Cruz mountains. The spouse would maybe like the kids to go to a camp in the Sierras he has heard good things about from his coworkers; they offer more water sports and waterfront training. The spouse really, really loved the sailing experience he got as a youth. I was maybe a stronger swimmer than my kids are, but I'm not sure about that; they are competent - they just don't practice stroke work ever. Well, sometimes K1 does, associated with her high school diving - sometimes being required to do a swimming workout towards the diving training.

I feel like I have water in my ear today; there is a funny sound and feeling. It's bothersome. But I haven't been in the water for something like 9 days, and that was a rarity in itself. That was the day I swam with the kids. The climate here is perfect; usually 70s to 90s in the summer with low humidity and lots of sunshine.

All Peach, I hope you and your family have a very good day. Lots of love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (July 26) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved

20100629 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-06-29T16:09:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, I'm having a good early week. Yesterday I took K1 to Natural Bridges State Beach in Santa Cruz, and we went on a docent-guided hike for an hour and a half, through some tidepools. It was pretty neat. After that I drove her to the Capitola mall for our first time visiting there - it looks like a nice older style mall like I grew up with.

Last time I wrote, I wrongly said that I took K2 and K3 to Santa Cruz. It was K2 and K1. K3 was in her Ninja camp at that time. She enjoyed her Ninja camp but doesn't want to do it when it's offered again later this summer. She was one of only 3 girls. She went to 3 of her regular classes, too (one is supposed to attend at least 2 per week).

I have bought K1 some of the clothes of her dreams, recently. Like, clothes she desired, but didn't completely "need". Some in Santa Cruz and some at the Capitola mall, in just the last few days. And the San Jose Valley Fair mall. K1 buys reasonable teen clothes for reasonable prices. I am pleased and relieved that she makes pretty good choices in clothes, earrings, and make-up, etc. She tends to pay full price when I'm not along, though (?).

I am glad your kids are doing well with their sports. And I'm glad they have nice friends.

I forgot to mention it when it happened, but I saw on early morning news at the Southwest YMCA last week that Obama was making a quick stop in in your area. How was that - mostly a nonevent?

That's a good idea to put your K1 in baseball camp. I should have thought of that for my K2, and insisted on it, maybe. He now thinks he will be too small to play pony next spring, so he doesn't even intend to try for it. I told him I'm sad about that - but if he's really not going to pursue baseball, he should be on the cross country team next year, and develop his gift. He says his school's team is lame. I said you just have to put up with a possibly lame middle school team for one year and then you'll be on high school cross country. I told him to put a lot of thought into that. Oh, and BTW, K2 says he can't start martial arts now, because he'd be at least one belt behind K3. I didn't even know he was considering it. He says he's too old to take martial arts at Studio Kicks without looking like a freak, because all his friends who have done that have already graduated out of the youth program. K2 also says he doesn't want to start in an adult class, even if with me, because he's too small and would feel self-conscious. I think I should sign up K1 and K2 for the one week teen fitness course at the YMCA in July. They got out of doing that the week after school ended, in favor of vegging for their first week out of school.

I'm glad you got to see Toy Story 3. We haven't been able to see that yet. We were thinking of seeing it last Saturday, until K3 said she wanted to see Toy Story 2 first. Now K2 and K3 are at camp. K1, the spouse and I saw the movie "The Lovely Bones" last night. It was weird. I had read the book a few years ago, and K1 read it more recently. The young main actress in it was beautiful, though. I hope I see more of her. I will look forward to seeing her mature in front of the camera, hopefully.

I've been unusually exhausted since June 10, the last day of school. And coincidentally that's when I got my good news about no breast cancer. Something else has to go to pot when one thing is all over with. Yesterday I dropped onto the sofa at 4:15 after coming back from the outing with K1, and I didn't move a muscle again until the spouse came home. I slept on and off during that time, with the television blaring and K1 right next to me. It was nice that she didn't need dinner made early and there were no little ones to feed, so I got to indulge my exhaustion. After my spouse fed me pesto pizza (!) (:-)), I went straight to bed and slept until 0420, then got ready for the gym, where I shredded my thighs again, just like most days. Oh and I'm still a little bit full of myself for being on the top ten women's list for weight lifted during May, so I'm certainly not dropping back on that, to see how I do for June. I might even add more stations into my circuit since I'm doing them anyway, but am not entering my code for every machine.

I'm really glad to read that work is good and life is good for you. I hope it stays that way for you and yours.

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (June 29) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100621 Happy Summer Solstice

2010-06-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, I enjoyed reading your news from over Father's day weekend. It was nice to read that you are thinking about your dad a lot. He sounds like a very valuable person, all right. I imagine you surely must miss him. You probably talked to him on the phone a real lot.

I'm glad your K1's team did so well. It's nice you got a night out with the boys, too. It's good that your K2 is doing a sport in the summer, too. I'm glad he has something for himself. For my K3, it's her martial arts, it would appear. She is transforming right in front of my eyes. I see more respect and thanks and consideration from her at home, too.

I hope work goes well for you, especially the audit. I hope that goes seamlessly for you.

I exercised this morning, and it went well. I had to cut it back a little since I ran 5 miles on Saturday and was still feeling it. This morning I did 40 minutes at 4.2 mph and 5% grade on the treadmill, 15 minutes racing on the recumbent bike, and the weights circuit. It's nice to see the counselors and day camp kids coming into the Southwest YMCA when I am leaving it. Seeing the young, eager faces is a treat.

K3 starts her one week Ninja Training Camp at Studio Kicks this morning. The kids are to eat only lightly at midday, like maybe some fruits and a half sandwich, so I infer that they keep the kids pretty busy. K3 is excited about Ninja Training Camp. I imagine she'll want to go to her regular late afternoon lessons, too, with the level of enthusiasm she is displaying. :-)

On Friday K1 goes off to a leadership conference. It's for a youth volunteer program she is involved in. Another friend her age will also be attending, and a lady in charge of their group will be their co-participant and chaperone. I wanted to go along, but K1 moaned that she absolutely didn't want me along. I told her another time that I just wanted to have an excuse to go to that city - I wouldn't be getting into her hair - I would just visit the aquarium, etc. She then said That would be okay ... but I didn't pursue it; I thought I'd give her her space. But it's a fact that their aquarium Is pretty good - and I was there with my father in May 2004, and I still remember that visit with him well. It would have been nice memories of that trip together for me to have walked through that place again.

K2 has been terribly bored since he's been out of school, but he's trying not to bug me about it too much. I really believe he tries to go easy on me; he is always seemingly considerate of his mom. (He takes out some of his frustrations when his father comes home at night, with some annoying misbehavior.) So a few days ago, I told K2 that I was signing him up for Krav Maga with me - I was just testing the waters - so he could learn a new skill in his excess leisure time. But K2 reacted favorably to that, and surprisingly agreed to it, so we're going!

I got some of my heavy cleaning done yesterday - while hobbling from knee pain from having run more than I was used to - so I have somewhat less to do today, or I can venture into less frequently cleaned arenas. I plan to have a pretty effective and pleasant day. I prayed for you and your family while on the treadmill and the recumbent bike today. Keep sending me you and your family's specific concerns so I can pray specifically about them. Bless you and yours. :-)

Have a good day, Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (June 21) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100619 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-06-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach - what is it with women "not feeling well"? I know that affects me a fair amount. I literally don't feel well, and then will have one or the other complaint. It must be women's escape valve - when you don't feel up to doing something, you don't feel well (?). {This can be misused.} I felt not-completely-well these past 10 days, even with having had good news regarding no breast cancer. I've just been tired, sleepy and allergy-ridden. I'm trying not to take any over-the-counter medications, but I take some, when the symptoms bother me enough. Then, today, my knees are locked up, preventing me from doing certain housework easily and making me want to lie around with the kids watching Pawn Shop - because I ran 5 miles this morning. {I did enjoy watching Pawn Shop and some sniper and military shows on the History Channel with K2 and K3 today ;-) } That was my first time running 5 miles in many years. And that's already after having had 3 complaints within 9 minutes of starting exercising this morning - a rogue left chest pain that bothered me for 5 minutes and was starting to concern me with its intensity, and 2 of my other sometimes-complaints.

I'm glad you had a nice evening with your brother. I am very happy for you that you have each other. I wish my K2 had a male sibling. I wish he would have someone to "boy" with, as I call it. I wish he could have that type of male closeness all his life.

I'm glad to read that your K1 played well, and that the team won.

Well, I imagine you haven't attended a kid's birthday party in a while, and didn't attend the one that your K2 went to, but I still get to attend some of my K3's. I usually ask the parents if I can come along, even. K3 is my last kid, and I want to enjoy the "lasts" while I still have them at all. I went to a laser tag place with her for her friend Kyle's birthday on May 1. That was nice. I like Kyle's parents, too. But towards the end of school, K3 said that Kyle was not nice anymore, and that he had started to act as if he were better than everyone. I was surprised to hear that, and a little dismayed and concerned. I was wondering if I should mention it to his mother, whom I quite like. I think I probably won't mention it. K3 still has a so-called best friend, though they don't get together outside school unless I arrange it.

I'm sorry the road with your spouse is so rough right now (and usually?). I wish she would appreciate the good things she has, a little more. You are a good and honorable man; so what if you're not perfect? You really, really do right by your kids - both of you to, from what I know. Maybe you should tell her to take an "appreciation" or a "get a grip" pill - yeah, that would go over well, right?! Or every time you "sin", maybe your spouse should say a little prayer for your soul, 'cause clearly this guy All Peach can use all the help he can get, eh? Ha ha ha!

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (June 18) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100610 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-06-10T10:55:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, happy Friday and weekend to you and your family, and bless you all. You are good people. I am tickled pink to know you or to know of you (kids, spouse).

Late yesterday afternoon, I got The Important Medical Telephone Call. First the nurse tells me she is putting Dr. Jacob on the line, can I transfer? I say yes, thinking this seems like a big deal, putting the doctor on the line; couldn't the nurse just tell me my results? I feel weirdly okay even with this little anxiety, knowing that either outcome would be okay; I'd probably get a lumpectomy in the worst case scenario, and that might be the end of breast disease for years or always.

So Dr. Jacob gets on, greets me pleasantly but briskly, and says we have some important news to discuss. (!) I brace myself. She says I have fibro ... - other non-cancerous changes - that are benign; I don't have breast cancer.

[At least not this year, I mentally edited.]

I enjoyed all the recent news with your family, particularly the little and big sport experiences of your kids. I like reading about when your spouse is doing well, too - for example, when she's doing her exercise faithfully and benefitting from it. I hope you are in good health and good spirits, no matter what circumstances surround you - but I hope they are good circumstances (that sounds like an Irish prayer).

It would be great to sometimes be able to read of your mom's experiences, good and bad and little and big - I pray for her at least twice every morning at the gym, when her birthday rolls by on my usual two cardio machine readouts at the Southwest YMCA. It would be even better to have some specifics in what I'm praying for. :-)

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a work of fiction by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (June 10) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100608 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-06-08T06:44:00.000-07:00

Hi, I'm back home from my breast biopsy now. Should have results in 3-5 days. The procedure started to go badly, but I'm OK now. They tell me I will have a large hematoma (it was imaged on Xray). Apparently my breast density is 2.4, whereas it needed to be at least 3.0 for the stereotactic procedure (they didn't know the density until they were doing it). They tell me I have thin breasts. The needle was not getting what they wanted because of the density being less than they wanted. The area in question kept slipping away from the needle and they didn't want to push the needle through to the other side (air), so it seemed they did a lot of digging and there was significant bleeding. The medical professionals were very kind and seemed very competent. They said a situation like mine will happen to them once a year. They were surprised and ready to give up and send me to surgerical biopsy. But in the end, they managed to finally capture some of those calcifications they want to biopsy.

I liked what you wrote about the kid who works out in such a dedicated manner. Wow! I am inspired by him, myself. I wish I could somehow communicate that story to my kids, but to them it would just be some secondhand account of a kid somewhere.

The kids are really excited about school being nearly out. Over the weekend K3 took a test for a new belt at Studio Kicks in Los Gatos, and passed; we were all there watching. I was very happy for her. It seems to mean a lot to her. Sunday, K2 had his baseball party, but he was kind of lackluster about that. He said he never really related to any of his teammates, this time around. So his Little League career ended with a whimper instead of a big bang.

I hope you are having a good day. I will keep you all in my prayers. I told K1 the story about your teenaged cousin who drowned while horsing around in the water with his friends when not knowing how to swim. She was being rather debonair about pool safety, so I had to tell her.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (June 8) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Civil Twilight Letters from the Sky lyrics

2010-05-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

Lyrics to "Letters from the Sky" by Civil Twilight

~I feel like commenting on song lyrics today. -90hazelnut~

One of these days the sky's gonna break, and everything will escape, and I'll know.
One of these days the mountains are gonna fall into the sea and they'll know - that you and I were made for this - I was made to taste your kiss - we were made to never fall away - never fall away.

One of these days letters are gonna fall from the sky, telling us all to go free.
But until that day, I'll find a way to let everybody know that you're coming back- you're coming back for me.
'Cause even though you left me here, I have nothing left to fear.
These are only walls that hold me here - hold me here - hold me here - only walls that hold me here.

One day soon I'll hold you like the sun holds the moon, and we will hear those planes overhead.
And we won't have to be scared - 'cause we won't have to be scared - 'cause we won't have to be scared ... No ...

You're coming back for me - you're coming back for me - ... - you're coming back to me ...

~Wow, what a sensual and loving song. -90hazelnut~

© 2010 (May 21) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100521 fictional email form 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-05-21T07:07:00.000-07:00

Dear All Peach, thanks for the email, as always. Thank you for the big gift of your time in an ongoing manner. What a big commitment to me! TY always ...

I might have *cancer•. Then again, so might anyone be growing one, at any moment.

Thanks for loving me and for caring, and I love you and care for you, too, very much, 90hazelnut

Keep me posted on you, your kids, and your spouse. I look forward to your usual good news that you are getting through the day nicely. I will revive my fantasy about an imagined trip to Cooperstown - K2 and K3 might get a lot out of such a trip. I can see your K2 being super-nice to my K3, and slinging the shit with my K2 - such as my somewhat naive and somewhat protected K2 can sling it.

(I know K2 and his carpool friend seem to enjoy it when I poke gentle fun at Adam Lambert of American Idol. Their other carpoolmate will say, "What's wrong with Adam Lambert's singing? What does his being gay have to do with his singing?", and I'll answer "His being gay has nothing to do with his singing ability; it just connotes a certain style".)

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (May 21) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100517 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-05-17T09:22:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, it's 0230 and I can't sleep. I am having a bit of a physical problem, as previously described.

Sunday, K2 had a Challenger game with disabled kids, and all the parents were absolutely beaming. The kids showed such kindness to the disabled kids, and some of the disabled kids just hung on the kids who were assigned to help them. Each disabled kid got to go up to bat twice. There were no outs, and everyone ran around the bases. Some kids got home runs, to much fanfare. It was cool to see how much compassion is in our kids. And also in the people in the bleachers.

We went to the Red Robin Sunday night, a nice burger place. It had been some years since we had been there. It hit the spot. I had a fish burger and the texture was excellent.

That's nice that your K2 likes Bon Jovi. They were just on American Idol again. Jon Bon Jovi manages to keep his fine looks as time goes by. It looks like he must be living fairly healthy.

Yes, I've seen the people of Walmart. People keep forwarding their pictures to me. Wow.

I'm glad you're back on regular hours at work. Life is smoother when it's predictable, I guess.

Love, 90hazelnut

This has been fictional writing by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (May 17) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100511 fictional email form 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-05-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, Thank you for your email.

I had a CT scan yesterday. Have had discomfort and pain since.

Nevertheless, I jogged 4 miles in 40 minutes at the southwest YMCA this morning, then did 15 minutes bike at high resistance and high RPM, then 45 minutes resistance. I again can't do the 35 pound upper arm weights, tries 3 and 4 - I guess I should cut myself some slack at this time. Could only do one set there, so far.

My G.I. doctor wants to send a diagnostic camera through my system - kinda cool, but do I really need to do it? (pending the results of the CT scan) Now I'm off for the library volunteer shift, then my yearly check-up. I will tell that doctor all my recent health news, too. No one's done a CBC on me yet, surprisingly.

I'm glad your family and work are both moving smoothly along. Glad you can all get done what you need to do. Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (May 11) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100509 fictional email form 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-05-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, thanks for the nice Mother's day greetings! That was sweet. The words you wrote were also very kind.

I'm glad you had a nice and effective trip. It's great you all give the gift of your presence and and helpfulness and time.

Saturday night we went out to dinner at a place that's one of my, and some of my kids', favorites, "Sushi Boat". The sushi goes around on little boats in a moat. It's fun to make your selection from the boat. There are lots of places like that, here.

Back to cool weather for you, eh? Yesterday I wore short sleeves and shorts. K1 took a 4 mile loop run near Lexington Reservoir of Los Gatos, while K3 and I walked maybe 1.5-2 miles to the reservoir, then back. K3 and I were meant to be jogging in preparation for her road race next weekend. She pooped out after running •a few hundreds of steps•, so I turned it into a nature walk instead. I was remarking on every natural thing I could think of, and soon she was, too. Then she kept asking me to initiate some "interesting conversation". So I'd try, and she'd say something like, "No, that's not it", and I'd nicely invite her to put her effort into making interesting conversation, too. We found a really cool tree with huge, splaying, step-like steep roots. There's lots of poison oak there, though. We walked/climbed up into the tree a little. I'm sure teenage boys must hang out there and smoke, as K1 said; It's a cool place. It took K3 and me about 2 hours to complete this maybe 3-4 mile walk. Not very good for athletic training, but I enjoyed the one-on-one time with K3. I felt blessed to be out in nature with my daughters, all of us strong and healthy, on a beautiful day.

K2 was in two baseball games Saturday, separated by a number of hours, so he got to eat and rest. I was hoping he could come on the reservoir walk/run with us, but he didn't have enough time. I've invited him to go to the southwest YMCA with me this morning. I told him what I was hoping to do and how much time each thing would take. So far, he's just said, "umm ..." :-)

I made it to parts of K2's two games yesterday, but I was also completely involved with K3's martial arts, and the walk/run. Something funny happened to me at one of the games. I walked over to the fence where K2's dug-out was, not wanting to distract anyone from play, just wanting to see who was where, from that angle. K2's coach saw me right away, though, and motioned and said, "Do you need me to get K2?" I said, "No no no", and made hand motions indicating no; I didn't mean to disrupt at all, and I started backing away, feeling embarrassed that I had interrupted field stuff. Then the coach walks over to the dug out and Yells to K2,"K2! Your mom says she wants you to hit a home run for Mother's day!" Then I continue backing away, gulping and thinking, OMG. Then: K2 promptly Does get a home run at his next at bat!!! Kewl! :-)

> I didn't get to the gym since Tuesday, my body will be well rested when I get back to it.<

It's just like you to look on the positive side of things. Congratulations on your having rested your body. I hope you've been sleeping adequately, too.

I hope your spouse's health issue will start resolving very soon. I am a bit concerned about her, and am praying for her. I am sure your mom has her prayer brigade going for her.

I was feeling better Saturday, healing, but on Saturday evening when we were eating sushi, I started having pain and •some symptoms• again. I feel a little bit gripped up right now, and at a 4 on the pain scale. Not too bad; I can still work out.

The doctor is standing by his original diagnosis, but there doesn't seem to be that much evidence for it. He saw some areas, and imaged and gave us copies, that may be showing residual damage from an ischemic event. But these areas were no more than pin-pricks of reddened area; he thinks they were further downstream from the inferred injured area. He was setting up to take a biopsy of this area, but then it couldn't be done. The 18 images he showed me look extremely clean and healthy, except for the last few that had a few of these red pin-pricks.

I think I will have a very nice Mother's day. In the last few days, I really felt my family's caring and helpfulness, so I assume that will continue today. :-)

Thank you also for your well wishes and prayers. Back atcha. I hope your spouse has a very nice and more healthful Mother's day, too.

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (May 9) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100507 fictional email form 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-05-07T10:22:00.001-07:00

Hi All Peach, I hope you and your family are well. Thank you for your email.

I just texted you, about today's procedure. Next, I get a CT scan. Personally, I think the doctor is "fishing" for a diagnosis, since my symptoms aren't lining up with any other diagnosis.

I am glad your K1's team has been playing so well. I was recently thinking about what my K2 might be learning from being part of a pervasively losing team. And they have really good coaches, I believe.

I am glad you had warm weather recently. We had some cool weather recently (in the 40s F in the morning) but we have significantly warm and sunny weather now. It was a bit uncomforable to wear long pants yesterday.

Yesterday at the southwest YMCA I jogged 3.5 miles in 40 minutes yesterday, then did 15 minutes bike at high resistance and high RPMs, and 45 minutes resistance. I managed to increase that one upper arm weight to 35 that I couldn't do on my one previous attempt. Hope it sticks. That was with my medical problem increasing slightly. Today I am not exercising because I am fasting, and ill. I hope to be able to exercise tomorrow at 6 am or else later, after I've packed in the calories a few times, pending any preliminary results from the hospital. I've only been doing every other day of exercise since Sunday May 2, as I've been trying to let my system heal. I did jog every one of those alternate days though. I am slightly on the obsessed side, though I am trying to pay Some attention to my health.

I feel I did not perform adequately as a parent at my K2's middle school open house last night. I went to every room and read the schoolwork that K2 had out, along with that of some of his classmates. I greeted his fellow students and their parents, when possible. But: my venial (?!) sin is that I did not talk to his teachers. I kept waiting for my spouse to go up to them and initiate conversation, but I guess I had to wait for hell to freeze over first. He and I sure did not communicate adequately on that one. I did not feel well enough to take the conversational lead. Maybe my spouse was not aware of that. I could tell that K2 wanted us to talk to his teachers; we even walked back to one, the French teacher, after I said "Clearly K2 wants us to talk to his French teacher". But she kept being occupied with students and parents; we hovered around her as 4 braver sets got to her ahead of us, and in the end completely wimped out and never talked to her, or to any teacher, at all. I had a big cry about that on the family room sofa in the mid evening. My spouse actually came up to me and touched my elbow and said, "Are you sicker?", and I said, "No, I feel I should have talked to K2's teachers, and I am upset with myself." I was also upset with my spouse's lack of jumping in and talking to the teachers himself, but I didn't want to get into that.

K3 had to walk home alone yesterday, and she was carrying her very heavy backpack, playground ball in a shoulder back, liter water bottle, and 30 or so dangling metal and plastic things (which can really do damage to a person or car). Turns out, she was also given her mission model to carry home, that day. It's about a Yard wide!!! She did all this carrying stuff home partially running, having been encouraged by her GOTR coaches to run as much as possible before the race. She slipped on some gravel and ripped up the area under her left knee. She claims to have washed it but it sure looked uncleaned to me when I saw it after I got back from the doctor's appointment. She said that was the stuff that oozed out after she washed up, but to my eye, it looked like all kinds of streamers of blood and dirt. She was also bitterly crying and saying she hates mom because I did not make it back in time for taking her to martial arts. That was quickly resolved when K1 told K3 that I was almost going to have had to go to the hospital yesterday afternoon immediately for the CT scan. Then: I Had to go tell K3 that I saw a neighborhood cat lying dead on the street. K3 immediately again burst into bitter tears. I was really unthinking! BTW, My neighbor saw K3 walking home with all that stuff, but before K3 was injured, but couldn't stop to give her a ride due to an appointment.

K1 saw her best friend in a dance performance at the high school Thursday evening. She would have liked to go to the middle school open house, were it not for the conflict. She also watched that friend at a varsity swimming competition earlier in the day. I'm glad K1 got the chance to be a supportive friend. I realized that she was at least a little concerned with my well-being when she told K3 to put it in perspecitve, after K3 said she hated me (which K3 has never said before - K3 is now the first of my kids to have said that). Sometimes I think not a person in the family cares at all - well, maybe K2 does; he is very loving and attentive to me - so I felt a little good about what K1 said to K3.

> K1 driving already, wow, and soon you will be car shopping. I can't wait to hear what kind.<

I have never wanted to buy any of my kids a car - not at least until they are graduating from college. They shall have access to one, with my and my spouse's approval and overseeing, if they are responsible and reliable. I feel that every ride they take during high school should be accounted for and explained, so I want them to have to go through me or my spouse. On a case by base basis, though, if it turns out K1 or another is an excellent driver and will be doing something productive and trustworthy like ferrying siblings to appointments and sports obligations, I might okay their acquiring of a trustworthy reliable used car, maybe even my Volvo v50. I could see myself getting a new car in 2011 if K1 turns out to be an excellent and trustworthy driver, then that car can be taken to college "if really necessary", or it can be passed on for K2's use (preferable). I think a car in college is a needless distraction and worry - where to park it, how to pay for insurance and gas, has it been broken into or even driven recently. College campuses are usually pretty compact and all-serving communities, so I would prefer K1 doesn't stray too far from it; she doesn't need the distraction or the risk. It will be a good learning experience, to have to plan get-togethers and outings ahead of time.

I hope you are having a nice day, All Peach. Thanks for all the prayers, and I will keep praying for you and your family. All my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (May 7) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com

20100504 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-05-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, I hope you're having a nice Tuesday, and thanks for the email, as always.

I'm glad your kids will be busy these next few days. That is generally very good for them.

It's good you got your grass cut. I'm sure you keep up with all parts of your yard sooner than most people. I think this is partly a military attitude, but maybe your parents were like that, too (?).

Congratulations on your healthy weight. It sounds like your weight is just right for you.

I stay in the low 120s myself. I like to think I'm not fixated on my weight, either, but I do start to cut back when I see I've gained 3 pounds.

That's good you've been getting to the gym. So have I. I must ease off for the next 2 weeks, though. I'm thinking of exercising only every other day until May 15, the day of my baby road race. My health problem continues, and today, it increased a bit. I have an appointment with the specialist on Thursday. Nevertheless, I ran 3.3 miles today, then did 15 minutes of recumbent biking at 10 out of 20 resistance and high-ish RPMs, then 45 minutes of weights. I increased 3 more of my weights, since April 30, but couldn't do one new weight of +5 (to 35 lbs.) on an upper arm machine. Was humbled that I couldn't make that increase, since I've been moving up so quickly on that machine, but realized I was only recently at 25 and 20 on that one, so maybe I'm at a temporary limit there.

K2 has 3 practices and 3 games this week; he is kept busy, but he is not currently down on baseball, now that they're starting a turnaround. The coach's extra time with them is apparently paying off.

K3 is going to martial arts today. It's a 45 minute class, just the right workout length for quite young people. She went on Saturday. She gets compliments on the energetic effort she's making. I am happy she has maybe found something just for her, from seeing how she enjoys it.

K1 is in some dive competition that requires missing a whole day of school! (Whose bright idea was that?) She was supposed to take her driver's permit test today, but it had to be rescheduled due to this dive competition. Let her be careful and strong in the driving area.

Wednesday and Thursday, we have lots of school and sports events. There are several games and martial arts on Friday and Saturday. We are supposed to be in 4 places at once on Thursday evening. There is an open house at one of the schools that night, and both parents always attend that one, and there are still two games/commitments.

All Peach, I hope you will have a very nice and not-too-strenuous day, with little strife. I hope your mom is doing fine and continues to be celebrated by her many friends. I just said a prayer to that effect, adding in some stuff about health. All my love, 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional work by 90hazelnut. Happy half birthday to my firstborn.

© 2010 (May 4) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100502 fictional email from 90hazelnut to River View Dave

2010-05-02T06:52:00.000-07:00

Title: 20100502 fictional email from 90hazelnut to River View Dave
Link: yes
Key words: 90hazelnut, all rights reserved, autobahn 17, California, donut shop, homeless, Los Gatos, Ocean City buffet, Pacific Avenue, River View Dave, Santa Cruz, Saratoga, Southwest YMCA

Hi River View Dave, On Friday I was at the free unlimited lot you suggested at 9:45. I didn't see you, or your car. I drove between the supermarket and the car lot twice, at different times. I had brought cough drops, in case you wanted to stick one up your a or mine (JK) - or in case you had a sore throat affected by seasonal allergies. I brought some warm water for you, too. And I had the heat cranking in my car, so you could bake the outdoor coldness out of your body. Oh well.

Why don't you frequent the donut shop anymore? Did anything happen between you and the management? I hope the lady continues to like you and think well of you.

Yeah, Pacific Avenue looks different. After I couldn't find you in Los Gatos, I drove to Santa Cruz, and made some videos driving twisty autobahn 17. That is a pass-time of mine. I have posted some of my driving videos at youtube. I saw that one end of Pacific Avenue was all broken up and will be resurfaced. I saw that a different section was in shambles a few weeks ago. That must be hard on the merchants.

I would have enjoyed going to the Ocean City buffet or the one you prefer, had we met up.

Best wishes, 90hazelnut

On Sat, May 1, 2010, River View Dave wrote:
Hey 90hazelnut,
Monday through Thursday, I get online access. You won't find me online, in most cases.
I am no longer a frequent at the donut shop!
You probably won't find many you know, on the block.
Meanwhile - in the midst of change - where is this YMCA?
And how are U?
- view -

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (May 2) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100430 fictional email form 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-04-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, thank you for the nice email, as always.

I am doing okay today. The tenderness is even less.

In fact, I'm even going to allow myself my Friday morning drive. I intend to drive up Mount Hamilton CA. I hear it has a very windy road. I probably won't try to video that road driving if it is hairy, because it's imperative to keep road safety the number one concern.

I'm glad your family's lives are going mostly well, at least yesterday as you reported, and hopefully also today. I hope you're having fine weather. We have nice sunny skies but it's cool this morning; it was 42 F when I went in to the gym, according to my car thermometer.

K2's baseball game last night was good, but they lost by one point at the very end. I think their coach would say they're at least fighting, now. They were so demoralized after their most recent big loss - one of many - that it showed in the game before this one's.

K3 went to martial arts at Studio Kicks on Thursday. She wanted to go; she brought it up all by herself. Since it's "come as many times in one week as you want to", after she gets her 2 lessons in, I don't bring it up with her. (I don't even have time to; she mentions going again so fast.) She showed me some new things she learned, on our trampoline last night - one move (of about 4?) that's she's learning is "the tornado". She said her instructor told them it took him 2 years to master it, but I believe I heard tell that he took up martial arts at a very young age. It was neat that K3 already understands that you can make faster physical progress when you are an older kid. I've heard more than one instructor reassure me that 9 is a good time to start a martial arts. One said that in real Korean Tae Kwon Do, you're not meant to test for your black belt until you are 16, and schools have had to adapt programs for children's learning.

K3 has been asking me for years about having a younger brother. It starts with, "Mom, why didn't you have a boy three years after me, and continue the pattern, girl-boy, every three years. I want a little brother". We all know that she somewhat routinely says that. Well - you may remember that K2 has that hang-up about being short (he hasn't started puberty yet). K3 told me Thursday in the car coming home from her school that K2 had told her, "You do have a little brother. It's me. I'm little." Poor thing - hearing that made me want to redouble my efforts never to hurt K2's feelings in this area.

We have to buy K1 "cream colored flats" for a Saturday Los Gatos High school fashion show she's associated with. The proceeds from the fashion show go to a good charitable cause. I am quite angry that we have to Buy her some new item, for this show - I want to tell the people in charge that reducing and reusing is good for all of us, and can/should be fashionable. I'm sure the shoes won't be too expensive if we can get them at PayLess tonight - the price is not the issue - and possibly she can use the flat shoes again, but I sure wish they could incorporate something else useful to glorify into their show. I am very down on fashion for its own sake, and spending money just to get a new item, when there's still a good older item like it, but that's just me.

I went to the southwest YMCA today, but found that I had to cut back, when I was only at about 12 minutes out in the heart work. I only did 20 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes treadmill walking at 4.2 mph at 4% grade, then the usual about-45 minute resistance circuit. Tomorrow I am on schedule to jog 35 minutes, if I am feeling good; it will have been 3 days since a jog. I am still not trying too hard with weights. I just don't want to push myself hard in this area, yet; I feel I'm not totally ready mentally to make a commitment to yet another positive growth area. Still, I definitely really feel the burn, now that I've worked up to weights that are actually taxing me - so I'm probably still growing, if at a slower pace.

I'll be busy driving carpools, then more kid car trips this afternoon, so I will have been in the car a lot today. Then tomorrow, my spouse and I are supposed to be in 3 places at once. We agreed that I'm doing K3's classmate's party 20 miles away, while my spouse will alternate between K2's baseball game and K1's fashion show.

All my love, and many blessings to you and your whole big family, 90hazelnut. Thanks also for your prayers; they are appreciated. I haven't faltered in my prayers for you and your whole big family, either. (And for other people, too, natch.) I pray specific prayers, though they are short. I keep them coming, even if only in few-second bursts. That is a trick I learned from the Catholics. :-)

This has been a fictional work by 90hazelnut. Happy birthday to Ellen today. ;-)

© 2010 (April 30) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100429 I'm only happy when it rains, Garbage

2010-04-29T08:45:00.000-07:00

Title: 20100429 I'm only happy when it rains, Garbage
Link: yes
Key words: 20100429 Only happy when it rains, 90hazelnut, all rights reserved, California, exercise, Garbage, jogging, rain, RPM, Saratoga, Southwest YMCA, training

"Only happy when it rains" lyrics, by Garbage
[I enjoy the edgy female vocals in this one. It's a good tune for the gym, too. {If you can jog that slowly, or can otherwise live with the RPMs.} I particularly recommend this gym: the Southwest YMCA in Saratoga, California. -90hazelnut]

Garbage, Only Happy When It Rains

I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains

You know I love it when the news is bad
And why it feels so good to feel so sad
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me

I'm only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are going wrong
I only listen to the sad, sad songs
I'm only happy when it rains

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains

You'll get the message by the time I'm through
When I complain about me and you
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down

You can keep me company
As long as you don't care

I'm only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I'm riding high upon a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me)

I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me)
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me)
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me)
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me).

Comments written by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (April 29) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com

20100428 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-04-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

Title:20100428 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach
Key words: 20100428 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, all rights reserved, California, doctor, fireflies, intestinal bleeding, Josh, prayers, respect, Owl City, Saratoga, Southwest YMCA, walk, workout

Hi All Peach, I have an 11:15 appointment at my doctor's. I have what I thought was moderate intestinal bleeding, kinda scary to me, but the doctor doesn't think it's emergent. I'm not faint, blood's not Pouring Out of me. It happened 30 minutes into my workout at the Southwest YMCA when I thought I only had to pee a little and thought I could also use a 2 minute break from how hard I had just worked in treadmill running. I broke the tiniest of winds, and was surprised to see the toilet was dark bright red under me; there wasn't even any fecal matter. So ... thanks for your prayers - the ones I'm already getting. :-)

I hope you're having a good day. I make it a habit to pray for you repeatedly throughout the day - mostly tiny ones, little Fireflies (Owl City; do you know that cute kid's song? "Josh" does a parody of it on youtube).

Love to love you and to respect your walk, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (April 28) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100426 fictional email form 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-04-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, thank you for the thoughtful email, as always.

I had a nice Sunday, and I hope you did, too. It was incredibly warm and sunny here. I did 3 loads of laundry, some yard work, some iPhoto labeling and organization of the recent trip (more than 500 photos and videos). I got some more roller coaster videos up, under an account I don't often use, so the relatives can see them without wading through all the nutty driving videos. It sure takes a while to load several videos. My spouse thinks posting videos a complete folly of mine, but otherwise isn't too discouraging. I got 2 cards ready to send out to my spouse's relatives this morning - one is sick, one has a birthday. I enjoy very much writing a little personal greeting to a person and sending it snail mail. I like thinking about them and wishing them well during the time I am composing the letter. (Your mother is very good at writing sweet greetings, I remember.) However, letter writing is already pretty much a "dead" art. I think mostly only old people do it. Oh well. I'm sure it won't count against me at the pearly gates, ha ha.

My abdomen is still very tender and painful, but the pain is not progressing. This happens now and again, every few years. I think it's not the appendix, because there is no tenderness or pain there, but thanks for thinking of that. I am excitedly looking forward to my Monday morning exercise bout at 5:30 at the Southwest YMCA (it's 4:50 now), especially since I took Sunday off. No running today, though. I ran 3 times last week - seems now with hindsight that 2 would have been okay, but 3 was too much. Every 3 days is about what I can handle running, if the knee pain doesn't increase, also. I've only done low mileage each time this past week - a pretty sad and tiny amount, according to me, regarding me. My spouse tells me that K3 will accept it with no difficulty if I can't be in the road race with her, and I know that, but I Will be there, whether I have to walk it or what! The entry fee goes to a good cause, too. K1 and K2 will run it at their paces. I was assuming that if I run it at K3's pace, I will have no problem, but who knows, maybe she's actually quite a fast 9 year old. (She doesn't want me to join her at her program workouts anymore, so I'm not sure where she's at - but to me she looks fast and is usually out front.) The road race is only a little baby race! Everything is over so quickly, and my stamina is trained to double that amount of vigorous heart work every day. Hmm - I wrote quite enough on that topic.

Please don't bother to make any effort to make your favorite artist's recordings for me. I can acquire them so cheaply used, via the amazon dot com associated merchants. I have often gotten CDs online for no more than $2 or $3. Your time is worth more than the money I would spend on a few key discs. Thank you very much for the thought, though; as always, you have a very loving and giving heart. But it would be nice sometimes having the same songs falling upon my ears as are falling on yours, friend.

Hmm. Life. Learn or don't learn ...

Have a good day! Lots of love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (April 26) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100423 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-04-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

Hi All Peach, I hope you are having a pleasant and blessed Friday.

Thank you for your K1 images. I enjoyed them! Congratulations on your fine human being in training. (We all should never stop training ourselves to be better.)

My K3 is having a friend over this afternoon: her good friend Kyle! I like Kyle very much. He was in the winter play with K3, but he did crew. BTW, K3 liked her play experience so much she wants to do community recreation "summer stock". She hopes some of her classmates will pick to be in it, too.

I hope your spouse is having a blessed and pain-free day herself, with a few laughs for her. I was thinking this morning about how you often say she is a good woman. I respect that. I am glad you all have a good woman in your lives.

I was at the Southwest YMCA this morning for an hour and three-quarters. I had the leisure to make a few driving videos after that. Sometimes on Fridays I let myself have some leisure time, if think I worked relatively hard and efficiently that week.

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (April 23) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved

20100422 fictional email from All Peach to 90hazelnut

2010-04-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

Hi 90hazelnut, thank you for letting me be the third person to read about what happened with your K3.

I think the letter you wrote to your K3 was well done, and would have been a good way to address the problem. The main thing is this: let the child know you are concerned about her actions and that they were wrong, and also that there are consequences to her actions. You hit on all the main points in your letter; I think she will get the message. It will be quite obvious to your K3 that you do in fact love her, and that will go a long way to setting her straight.

The parents that let their kids do anything without consequences are the ones that have real issues of love for their kids.
You will be just fine here, 90hazelnut, because I know you will find a way to always show your kids your heart, and in doing so, they will always know they are loved.

I got up early this morning, couldn't sleep; last night's dinner didn't agree with me. My K1's game was about an hour's drive away. I took one kid's mother with me in car pool to the game. That kid is probably the best player on the team. He had another home run in the game last night as the team won big. My K1 had a long hit to the fence that was a stand-up triple, and also made another nice catch on fly ball in left.

The kids don't have anything tonight so we get a little break, sort of. I told them last night we would be going to the gym after school.

Work has been good for me and it became official: my coworker retired; the paperwork is done, and he is coming next week to remove his personal items.

I hope you got through to your K3 regarding her actions. I agree with you that sometimes it is easier to express yourself on paper than it is verbally. I feel that way a lot, because writing gives you time to think about what you would like to say. The message becomes more refined than it otherwise would be.

Thank you again for letting me in on your life, 90hazelnut, I love you very much - never forget that - Love, All Peach

This has been a fictional construct by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (April 22) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100421 Letter to my child's teacher

2010-04-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Teacher,

I am writing to ask your help or insight in a parenting concern I’m having with my K3.

I guess I’m hoping for a couple-sentence response from you, in best case.

Right now I feel I’m completely on my own treading water in the remote ocean on something that happened last night. I was hoping to turn to a helpful and caring person who has obvious insights on how to get through to children.

I don’t believe I’ve ever had to seriously discipline K3 before, and I am learning how to operate in a new realm.

I was going to speak to K3 this morning about something wrong she did last night, but I realized from experience that morning is not a good time to get through to her. Yet I thought the matter should be addressed right away. I thought I’d practice saying what I wanted to say by writing some of my feelings down – I believe I’m much stronger in writing than in verbal communication – and then what I wrote just turned into a letter to her. I will still speak to K3 about this matter, but I want to think things through some more before proceeding.

If you have any stray or immediate insights on how I could proceed – or if you think I basically started out on the right foot already – it sure would be helpful to me if I could hear something back from you.

Thank you for your human kindness if you can respond,

90hazelnut

[Enclosed is a copy of the letter I left out on the kitchen counter this morning – not sure if I will give it to her yet - ]

April 21, 2010

Dear K3,

I was very upset last night when you screamed bloody murder and woke up K1, just because your pillows weren’t right.

I washed and changed your sheets yesterday, and I realized I wasn’t putting your pillows back the way you had them, but I forgot how they were and I figured you could easily fix the pillows yourself.

It was wrong of you to scream at the top of your lungs about the pillows. Screaming like that should be reserved for when a crime is being committed against you. If you scream like that for little matters, people eventually won’t take you seriously anymore, and will stop responding to your screams. (Have you heard of the story “The boy who cried wolf”?) Plus, it is very annoying and bothersome to hear screams like that, when you figure out that there was nothing very important behind them.

I was upset, also, that you “stole” from your sister’s sleep for such a matter. I think you set her back several hours in her sleep, because she stayed up a long time after you woke her.

I believe you should be punished for what you did. Punishments are there so that the person won’t do something again, or will at least think seriously before doing it. I don’t EVER AGAIN want you to wake up anyone with such horrible screams for such a small matter.

I would like you to pick out your punishment. I am asking you to come up with your own punishment because I would like you to think more about what you did, and about what kind of punishment would be suitable to deter you from doing this again. I was so disappointed that you did such a thoughtless thing, and I would like you to spend some time in “consequences” – both in thinking about what you did and what it meant, and in living through your consequences.

I love you very much,

Mom

This has been a fictional construct by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (April 21) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com

20100409 Hi Cuz from 90hazelnut

2010-04-09T13:32:00.000-07:00

Hi Cuz,

What do you think of me plus mine showing up at your house with 4 dinner orders for you? Plus whatever my family wants to eat. When you wrote, "I was planning to bring everyone", does this mean that if you were to meet me that night, there would be 4 people? If so, that's fine with me, and I'll be very glad to see you all.

My kids hate Chinese food. It would be a chore to get them there. My spouse & I could order pizza for them at the hotel room, then go out to have Chinese food with you, if you're at liberty ... my spouse and I like Chinese food. In this case let's of course play it by ear, according to how your canine is doing. If your kids are at home, my kids would love to meet them. They have heard good things about your kids, from me.

I am glad your dog was having an okay time when you wrote the last email. I hope your dog's quality of life has not deteriorated since then.

Best regards, 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional construct by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (April 9) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights, Reserved

20100409 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-04-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

Hi friend, thanks for the nice email. You are always very kind and loving to me.

I would hate it if you yelled at me, or raised your voice unless there was an oncoming train. I am very sensitive about loud sounds. I will cower and not be myself for days. Loud sounds give me this PTSD-type feeling - I noticed my K2 has this reaction, too. He absolutely Hates when I yell at him, so he has trained me to show more sensitivity towards him in this area. I once had this one long-term boyfriend, who when it came down to it, I didn't have any trouble in deciding against making him a "keeper", because I didn't want to live with the occasional seemingly overly firm yelling over the years. Just saying.

My father could really yell if need be. Somehow, it didn't bother me much, because it had its time and place. I was rarely at the receiving end, it seemed. I was glad to be conducting my life in ways that were mostly pleasing to him, so he didn't have to yell at me. I trained him not to yell at me through my good behavior, ha ha!

I was at the Southwest YMCA for an hour and three-quarters this morning. I slept past 0400 this morning, from roughly 2140 last night, so I must have been tired. I felt a lot more sleepy than usual while in the gym, at the beginning of my workout. The feeling quickly went away. I stepped up my resistance program since April 1 and I guess my body is finding the new load heavy. I always need to sleep more when I Start exercising from ground zero, too.

I found the people at the gym extra-nice today. Then again, I was full of smiles for them, too, because I was so glad to be feeling better as time went on. I traded short personal happenings with 2 ladies today, and listened to their sides - that felt great. They are already asking about my situations again, as a first greeting, when I see them anew.

It's a beautiful, sunny day today, which it has been since Tuesday April 6. I might take a fun spin in the car over the hill towards the Pacific ocean, and I may make some of my driving and music videos for my own pleasure. I might play Linkin Park and film - ha ha. I KNOW a woman of my age and station is not supposed to be enjoying Linkin Park so much ;-)

We have no kid events today, so it ought to be an easy catch-up, "hang out with the kids at home" afternoon.

Thanks for reading my stuff, and for caring. I hope you are much blessed today, and that you have some good-humored down time, too.

Love, 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (April 9) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

An oldie: October 8 or 9, 2008, slightly updated

2010-04-08T09:42:00.000-07:00

Title: Thnks fr th mmrs - turn away from the methamphetamine if only for your Real Medical Condition

Thnks fr th mmrs - turn away from the methamphetamine if only to improve your Real Medical Condition. Please do it for your descendants - for real. There are two other big symptoms you have, big-time. I am not a doctor; I only play them in airport security feeds ... but even I can spot a thready pulse, young but way-rotting teeth, and that constantly -seeking, jockeying, position and stance ... other people might spot that, too ... oh yeah, that's right, you don't care; you came to this area not to care, no one cares for your fine-looking part-healthy sea lion hide, Boo effing HOO sweetheart - we all have a VERY very sad story, I assure you - no, make that at least one thousand sad stories, if you are a lame-a$$ bleeding-heart rich soft pansy-ass like me. "I never knew hardship", except that I was born just like every living thing on this planet, so I got knocked up by life at time 0 (big squeeze and ... you have a baby Soft-F, Mr. and Mrs. Pleasant; Congratulations.)

I beg that this work assignment soon ends. My work here is done - I ask for it, or I respectfully Decree That It Might Be So! Please, let it be so! If I have to claim that strength and decide myself what's right or what might work, could you please help me think of the right end date, and how to find the right direction to venture into, next ???

"All's I know is", my friends Aren't within 500 feet of me, as far as I can see with the 'scope. YESITRAINEDMYSELFFORTHATREPEATINGEVENTUALITY. 'Course I did! Yes, I'm okay with it! Yes, it's what I do! Yes, I chose my path myself! Yes, I'm still near the path! I'm okay with my slowdown and the loss of certain supplies! Forget about what you rendered unto me. I already forgave you before it even happened. Still, I don't have infinite tolerance, patience and strength if you're going to be actively working against me.

Why?! What waste! For true human potentials to just be thrown away ... just because ... you felt like it ... you were hurt ... it's what you do ... If you had to be determined to throw yourself away, why did you launch yourself and land right on top of my poor sorry carcass? That was sloppy and disrespectful, to take out or almost take out someone else as you launched yourself into self-destruction ... but that's just me and my pussycat sweet kind heart ...

It's maybe in the remotish (? - I hope?!) realm of possibility that I die "helping" someone who wasn't currently helping themself, or who was harming a child or less-experienced adult. So be it. But you - friend - you claimed more than once to admire me and my team of the hopelessly naive dream creams - and now you have to be the first one trying to gun my A off my path? [Were you blowing warm hutmeg-scented anal winds out your fine rear end when you told me that? ]{Or was that the courtship, that I blinked and missed?}

But ... wouldn't it have been nice to have a friend? Friendship, love, respect, they are not apparently meant for such naive F's as me; I don't find them along the path I either chose or was dropped onto. [By the way, was it REALLY necessary to PCP me and dump me onto a dark trail? C'mon, that was a very mean-spirited schoolboyish trick!

I think, or I have to assume - okay, mostly for my own sanity, so I can have the will to continue - that there's at least one friend still standing ... still in the safety of the deep underbrush, I hope, seeing as I don't see him near me ...

Are you out there?! No? No? NO ... [Long-drawn-out, long-suffering, Norwegian-American-style sigh ...]

'I was delayed; I was waylaid - an emergency stop - I felt the last 10 seconds of life - I crashed down on the crossbar - and the pain was Enough to make a SHY, BALD BUDDHIST REFLECT ... Who Said I Lied to Her?! {the Smiths - Strangeways - "Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before" - love to always respect your intellectual property, guys ;-) }

Wait ... extremity check ... good ... apparently not bleeding out this minute ... I WILL summon the strength to save myself one more time - maybe 2 or 3 times - Yeah, I Know I am So Fleecing OLD!!! [It's not polite to remind the female jack-ass that, dincha know?] Oh, wait, yeah, you've trained yourself not to care about any outcome, and I trained myself not to particularly put all my eggs in one basket about any one outcome or another [I did that once; That didn't seem to work for me as tactics go.]

Symbolically: Got any reconn maps? No? Not for me, your old professor who gave you a set of maps? You won't front me the $5 for the one map I Most want? NO ???? Aren't you respecting me YET?! After ... ? ... Oh, okay, I get the message ... Blood brothers except for the brothers part, is it? HMM, seal: I smell a Convenience Store!

Let me close my eyes and NOT SEE!!! For once!!! I want to be dead now. I am at peace with myself, and with what I did and didn't do, and my "people" can take care of themselves and carry on happily. I do hope, however, that there Actually Is a Real Heaven - I try to picture it many times each day, I think - gotta grasp for that far stretch; it keeps us stretched out and ready to step up to the task at hand ... if desired ... if needed ... 'cause if there Actually IS a real heaven, I believe I have the tools to get there; I crafted them partly myself and that carpenter guy I heard tell of actually helped me first and foremost; I never yet met him, but I read parts of a book he apparently partly signed off on ... and I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING ALL MY FINE HEALTHY SEALS THERE, symbolically feasting on healthy salmon and kelp, loaning me/treating me to my first "meal" in my new Realm ...

Short of my death, could you please allow me a sleep shift now? I will be a better fighter again after the sleep - ? - again -? I hope - I promise - I demand that I grow myself back into that role! So, I appointed myself the patron A.H. of people with Good, Real Futures - so sue me, I have a weakness; I like to occasionally flatter myself (jerk myself off, did you say?!) by Do-Gooding. Must you really Mess me Up or, if you're feeling good-hearted and full-bellied, Slow Me Down On My Actual Mission Here just because I have a small personal weakness? [Yes, it's a self-appointed mission, I effing well Know that!!! Duh!!! I am not Completely Stupid, just somewhat naive, and I'm training myself, and I asked you to train me and you pissed on me so you trained me; I collected and properly stored your DNA sample ... I operate in my realm, you know yours, naturally ... thanx for the training... And you know what, your Santa Cruz Trip (or should I call it your Santa Cruz check-out Mind-Fleece?!) is a totally self-appointed mission, Too. You're not calling me on self-appointed missions if you're not eventually going to look in the mirror, too ... Let me do what I want to do, unimpeded ... When did I really hurt you? You lose what you're willing to lose, and you and I both darn well know that. You're just way too sensitive and Your Friends Do Know The Treason Why!!! It's obvious - look down - you need Medical attention - not psychological or pharmaceutical attention ... Weren't we supposed to be training ourselves to be smarter, faster tigers and working out together - just for the human company - what human company - I only see Hints of it - Go one centimeter I'll meet you with arms outstretched and pull you back from the edge, if you let me, if I'm alive and able ... but gosh, MUST you really annoy me and slow me down like this?! Grow up!!! Please ... think ... don't shut off that lovely able brain ... it's part of the awesome package ...

Let me not see wreckage but instead let me SOW BEAUTY today and tomorrow and all/most of my remaining tomorrows. But, Gee, please help me - someone - dear Stranger, please offer me a hand up and out of this cesspool - {go on, P on me first, you KNOW you Want to! I have trained myself to handle this hose pressure!} - as I see the plastic and latex stuff and balloons in the loose dead foliage I am clearing out as my self-appointed community service. I can't help if I want to help the young, the in-over-their-heads, and the not-so-innocent reclaim something of what they used to know ... to grow and flourish eventually again, hopefully.

I've had ALL that I can handle. I need someone to carry me in this time of extreme emotional need, and yes, as usual, no one is there. I trained myself to be able to survive on my own, and I will - albeit missing a limb in that steel bear trap I was not wary enuff to see.

I hear tell that I have theoretical supports here and there, and I'm glad for them. Bless you all out there who believe or used to believe in me. Thank you for allowing me to have the dignity to pursue my own vision. [Are you reading this, beloved Mommie Dearest? Hmm ...]

My situations are all my own fault - I know that very well and I've been living with it - Live by your credo, so you should F'ing well pay taxes on your credo - F me for trying to make a difference. No, I don't have to do that, I undo that self-F. Not needed. Already learned my lesson before I started the next batch of them.

I QUIT!!!

... for tonight ...

"You Really F-ing think you are making Any (!) Appreciable (!) Change (!), Little Miss Muppet, walking the somewhat-mean streets with your mocking Yuppie Scum Bee self - You're just congratulating your fine relatively-trouble-free self, for something that doesn't barely cost you but Jack!"

I just know what I see, and sometimes act with my heart and conscience before I've totally thought the situation out - yes, I'll admit it. I am stupid and naive. I tell you that I AM Trying To Train Myself To Always Be An Agent Of Mostly Good. At least, I see it that way. Would you please try to respect my walk and don't ridicule me and threaten to slash me, just let me pass through you, on to whatever the heck I did or didn't have in mind.

I feel that, seeing that I've lived a basically good life, being an agent of mostly good, I should be free to walk amongst whoever, doing as I see fit, as long as I'm not hurting anyone.

I love you guys, I respect you guys; I am not exactly the same as you, but I enjoyed learning about your world. Thanks for letting me into it for a while.

"Yeahright!!! Fuck off, crazybee! [Sea lion honk, a la young or aging Santa Cruz CA boys]"

[I thought I saw such, such, such, clear, easy, no-brainer solutions that I could get going on already, myself. But Whatever the F !!! ... I am SOOOOO Green .... And you Could NOT Be Bothered to Stop Hassling Me ... or something]

So, my old friends, listen here - last thing I say before I permanently Shut My Stupid Ignorant Trap on that Unfriendly Street onto which I placed a flower, a sandwich, and some water:

"So make sure when you say you're "in" it but not "of" it
You're not helping to make this earth a place sometimes called Hell
Change your words into truths and then change that truth into love
And maybe our children's grandchildren
And their great-great grandchildren will tell" - Stevie Wonder, the Great, and Thankfully not the Late ;-)

~This has been a fictional construct. Not a word of it is true, or all of them are true, or some of them are.~

© 2008 (October 9) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved Alle Rechte Vorbehalten.

P.S. I am annealing myself with music and visualizer, so I may actually get a small smile eventually ...

THANK YOU FOR RESTORING MY HOPE; that was REALLY Genius!!!

20100408 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-04-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

Daily Communication 1:
Hi friend, thanks for the email; it was very interesting to read about many aspects of your kids' relationships with athleticism.

I was at the Southwest YMCA for an hour and three-quarters this morning, as usual, and I stepped up my workout a bit by doing treadmill work. In stepping it up, I was actually taking it significantly easier with my heart - going at only 2/3 power and hardly breaking a sweat - but the treadmill work is That hard on my knees, that it sets me back at least two days if things are still basically going well! I went in there knowing my left knee was hurting somewhat (3 on pain scale), and that I definitely felt things moving about in my left knee yesterday - my left knee is just not at its strongest, and it is in recovery. That written, so far at 2 hours after my workout, I feel stronger and more stable in my left knee than when I woke up this morning.

I only did a 4.2 mpg walk at 6% incline for 30 minutes - then 20 minutes of bike at high resistance and high RPMs. Spent some time yesterday giving more songs in my iTunes a 5 star rating, so that they would show up on my iPhone, which only has room for my 5 star songs. Consequently, I had some cool "new" old favorite tunes in my ear this morning, that I hadn't heard in a while since I misplaced my iPod one month ago, and I was all smiles when I turned off my songs after cardio. The ex-marine was in a buoyant and cheerful mood this morning, and I had fun and smiles with some tiny banterings with him. He always insists on reading my t-shirt out loud if it has any writing on it, so most of the time I try to wear a plain t-shirt, as I like to stay low-key most of the time - not attracting attention. I like to spend most of my time under the radar; my heart and other muscles and brain are aging ... ;-)

I hope you have a very nice day, friend. I hope your whole family has a fine time at the gym, and in meeting their commitments. I prayed for you all at 4:46 a.m. today so far; now I will, again.

Best of love and friendship, 90hazelnut

Daily communication 2:
My friend, there is actually very good hope from a top drug to treat this condition, which apparently buys lots of time and in many cases reverses the situation for I assume a significant time. My mother may be fine living on her own for a while longer. She has that fine and caring boyfriend in the condo across the way - they look in on each other every day or almost, and oftentimes take naps together in the afternoon. I am very happy for them that they have this close body contact in the form of naps together. That is a sign of trusting and caring. I couldn't wish much better for my mom, as she seems to have most other things in place - good nutrition, ability to move about (though she often has significant dizziness, which is a sign of her condition, we now know).

Thanks for caring and reading and responding so frequently. Thanks for the constant and steady shooting of many prayers throughout the day. That is a trick I learned from you. ;-) Thanks for being my mentor in several areas, particularly in optimism and learning to look at life on the bright side.

You are a fine and steady and stalwart friend. My best one, I believe. You are a fine example of what it means to be a good human, IMHO.

Love to love you, and I hope you keep having a good day, and have good circumstances, 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (April 8) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Hi Cuz from 90hazelnut

2010-04-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20100407

Hi All Peach, I thought you might be one of the few people who might care enough to read this email I wrote to my cousin on Wednesday morning. I also Bcc'ed my brothers from a different account. I hope you are having a good day; I am having a much better and more positive and less tail-whipped day than yesterday - when yesterday I had to really consider how stupid and unkind I could actually be, in dealing unkindly with my spouse on Monday and the days before. I did not have to make my spouse's days worse, for several days in a row, but I believe I did.

Dear Cuz,

I've been meaning to thank you for the kindness you showed my brother, in communicating your ideas about dementia amongst "the sisters". You thought about my mother's new situation with early dementia enough to come up with the idea that she was getting it kind of early for one of them, and maybe isn't something else going on? It convinced him to look into it more seriously, to get going with an appointment with a new doctor for her - and now there's this "microvascular disease of the brain" or "vascular dementia" diagnosis that was detected via MRI, where large parts of my mother's brain are apparently imaging up as white instead of grey, which means empty brain matter not filled by healthy small blood vessels like there should be.

My brother was told this diagnosis Monday, two days ago, at a doctor's appointment of my mother's, and he called me very promptly afterwards, that day. He has been a real blessing to me and to my other brother, with all that he's doing for our mother. In fact, just this morning he is taking her to a bone density screening. Next week he is taking her for a one hour evaluation at a dementia unit of a Senior Health Place. It's also really good he's just driving her around so much, because he was told Monday that pending more results, she maybe soon shouldn't be driving, and it's possible that the results may even indicate she should go into assisted living ... (?)

I wish Your mom had not been so stubborn in persisting with driving so long. I spent a lot of time worrying about her and her driving, even if I hadn't seen her in years.

Thank you also for your lovingkindness in watching out for my family. It is kind of you to be concerned about us all.

Anyway, thanks for reading my stuff, and for continuing to be a part of my life. You are a good one, and I'm glad to know you and yours.

Have a good day, Love, 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (April 7) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100331 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

2010-03-31T23:22:00.000-07:00

Hi friend, well, if my email about my running made you laugh, your email about your meathead in school made me laugh, too. I find it funny that your K1 doesn't wear a shirt at home. Is he into showing off his buff bod as much as possible?!

I was almost going to exercise today. I told myself last night to get the sleep I needed, first, if I could, but I can't. I got up for good at 4 a.m., like usual. Last night I told myself I wasn't going in to the YMCA today because my knee hurt quite a lot. Then when I first got up today, I thought, "It doesn't hurt much; I can exercise". But as time went on and I was puttering about in the kitchen, I decided that yes, it still hurt quite a lot, and I should minimize my time on it today, other than normal getting about my chores and my day.

Yesterday I didn't get to the YMCA until 6:45, because I was dropping my K1 off at the high school at 6:30. I walked in and greeted one of my fellow exercisers, who happened to be standing in the lobby when I walked in. He replied with a bark, "You're late!" and I smiled and said, "Yes, I am". I thought that was rather funny ... Especially seeing how we had never talked before. So, other people are indeed noticing that I exist in the space right next to them, some of the time ...

I am easily up to the task of running for 50 minutes, but my knees apparently no longer have the structural integrity to handle it. I can do it some of the time. In May I'll just make sure I haven't run at least 3 days before the race, and I will maybe be prepared to walk some of the race. I see that even walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes yesterday hurt my knees. Funny how I can work a lot harder on the elliptical and the bike, than on the treadmill, and it doesn't have lasting negative effects.

I've also really taken to heart something you said about exercise: "You have to shock the system a little each day to make progress". I like the way you put that. I enjoy getting a good sweat going and wearing the badge of that t shirt with the tell-tale sweat pattern on the upper chest ... Sometimes it's nice to wear a lightweight no-sleeve synthetic exercise shirt, though, and not have to wear a heavy, wet piece of cotton fabric for the next hour as I cool off during the resistance portion of exercising ... Two people have now told me to do resistance first; I do that on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but truthfully, I like to make progress on the cardio first, and it's my priority.

I'm glad your K1's team did so well Tuesday - and K1, personally. My second kid's team lost by a large margin yesterday, on the other hand. They are being a losing team this year, and that's even with one of the best coaches. It's just been a whole host of occurrences that have led to this; they haven't been playing badly. Weird.

I'm sorry about your K1's grades. It's really tough to make someone else have motivation and drive in an area. It seems many youngsters apparently just don't have the wisdom of experience to have a broad-ranging vision for why they should also be working their butts off in school, and not just in the athletic arena. It just doesn't seem to apply to them and their lives - yet. I suppose it would be best if your K1 could have some experienced role models showing him why brain achievement pays off now and later, and sets the whole groundwork for your life. Maybe your relatives with the gym could tell him how important it is to have a plan, and how hard it was to start and run their own business, and how they had to develop very good and efficient habits to keep on track with their lives. Or someone else with a business or profession that they have built up?

Myself, I sometimes like to read biographies of successful people - how they started their business and how their lives became successful overall. But I can't say I see your K1 reading a biography by a pioneer in industry! I guess you all will have to look towards leaders in your area. Doesn't your K1 admire scholar-athletes?

BTW, my K1 is a terrible procrastinator - really terrible. Yesterday she got home from her swim meet shortly after 6. She heated herself up a frozen dinner that she was looking forward to - rice and cheese balls from Trader Joe's - then she kept telling us that she needed to get down to schoolwork immediately, and would appreciate the quiet house while we were all still at the baseball game. Then - she didn't do any work, after all. Then, she vociferously didn't want us to start American Idol at 8, but wanted us to start at 8:20 using the DVR to cut out commercials so we still finished up at 10. This time my spouse was not in agreement, and went into her room to reason with her/yell at her when reasoning with her didn't work. She uses such a loud, arrogant voice to state her case; it's rather off-putting. Anyway, she was not even doing her homework while she was holding up the rest of us who were on the couch waiting to start viewing the show - she was facebooking!!! That is Classic her! And this is just one episode from one part of one day.

Another complaint about my K1: she will not hang up her used clothes, no matter how much I reason with her, no matter what tactic I try to appeal to her with. It's one of my bugaboos. I just want to impress on her that constantly being prepared is the best tactic - and having everything in its place is the best way to be prepared, regarding household items and possessions. Then, my K1 gets angry when I pick up her clothes for her and rehang them. I tell her she makes it so that I must sniff each item to determine whether it can be shaken out and rehung, or not - she has abdicated this responsibility onto me. She will yell, "Mom! I don't want you smelling my clothes!", and I tell her I don't want this either, but she forces it to be so. New stuff litters her floor each day, too. She just wants to step over it each day until her driver's permit test day, which is in a few weeks (her dad told her her room MUST be completely clean and organized on the day he takes her for her learner's permit test - so she plans to clean it only on the day before that!!!) I tell her if she can't do these things, then I need to carry her load for her while she can't or won't do it, because the house must be maintained every day; a homeowner needs to know roughly what is going on in their house every day. She gets mad at that and wants me to enter her room no more than one day each week. I tell her no way; it's my duty and right to see that my house is maintained each day, and I WILL do that, as the homeowner. I also tell her, "By not carrying your responsibilities in these areas yet, you are stealing from my life. You make me have to be involved with your stuff for a certain time period each day, rather than not carrying on with the stuff I need to do or may want to do, for my own life. If I could just glance at your room and see that it was basically okay each day, I wouldn't need to do a thing, or get into your things at all."

- And yet, all these thoughtful ways of putting my viewpoint seem to make NO IMPRESSION on her; she can only see it from her own spoiled-princess way. I would like her to know that she was not born entitled to do no manual work, and that it's a blessing to be able to carry on with our own responsibilities each day. Maybe someday she'll "get" it?! -

I am just so frustrated that if my K1 wants to take on adult things so quickly and so much, and to be treated as an adult, she doesn't try to do some real growing up, as a show of good faith. I don't believe it's grown up to leave one's surroundings in a constant shambles. I repeatedly tell her that dropping your things all about looks a lot less "cute" as you age. Yeah, you're Supposed to do this a little bit as a teenager, but the basic skill set of keeping up with your responsibilities remains in effect, missy. I tell her that her future roommates will over time grow to increasingly resent her disarray, and that she won't be a good friend to her roommates by bringing this to the mix. She insists that she will magically be neat one day, when it's needed. Then I bleat one more time about the tidiness skill set needing to be in place already, then I walk away, muttering, feeling I'm giving up yet again, having been Yelled at by her with her loud, powerful, Arrogant-sounding and demanding sounding voice of entitlement! (My last private thought: Well, if she's this bossy this early in life, she can darn well run my and her father's old-age needs for us, when the time comes! She can bark at everyone around her arrogantly, and get her parents' needs tended to, when we are old and feeble! Ha! You just signed yourself up for the job, missy!)

I am glad we have each other to "bleat" to - at least in print. In spirit.

I guess it's good that your K1 has another game tonight. That's getting right into the regular baseball season, isn't it. I've often heard my oldest brother laugh disdainfully and say that baseball isn't a Real sport; it isn't always really athletic, and some of the older players look like real fat slugs, and barely appear to move. I would like that brother to know that most responsible players see to it that they are in top shape physically and mentally BEFORE the game, so that they can play the game to their best when the opportunities are there ... And mind you, my brother avows that he has 80 pounds to lose - so who is he to judge, when he's not even keeping himself in shape - that's the main reason he didn't attend our aunt's memorial service; he was embarrassed what the relatives would think of his current size ... Then on the other hand - I with my proselytizing got him to sign up and commit to an exercise program at the YMCA, with my constant stream of good little stories about my good experiences at the YMCA ... Yay to you, new exerciser!

And as for me, I just passed the seven month milestone from point zero, of going into the gym and doing cardio and resistance 4 to 6 times each week, except in times of injury. If I truly can't make progress with the running, I'll have to set myself a new goal ... I would be smart to take up stretching and body-kindness type exercise ... I would be smart to train my soul more in relaxation and acceptance, too ...

"So anyway, I was very proud of my K1 yesterday and very disappointed, all in a matter of minutes. It's amazing how life can twist you around, isn't it. I wish my K1 was more like your K1 in school, so I wouldn't have to worry about him making it. If he had the academics to go along with his athletics, he would be fine. ... Now if I can get that meat head to learn something in school."

Ha! See above! We all apparently go through our little daily struggles! If we can! :-)

BTW, my K1 only seems to go through the motions for her team athletics, but that's okay; it's enough for her to just go through the motions, until she really knows what exercise means to her personally. Besides, I believe she is doing great team building in spending so much time with her teammates, going through the drills with them right next to her. And I for sure can see her enjoying herself when she is sitting in that swimmer's warm tub next to the pool, between events, with cute older high school guys all around her! Ha! Yes, she answers me with a smirk and a wink, when I ask doesn't she enjoy sitting in the warm tub with the preponderance of all those cute guys!

Yes, it's amazing how life can twist you around so fast. And that's without any seriously negative events like a serious accident or illness.

"Well, it's another day, my love - have a good one, please. Love, your friend."

Thank you for the nice sentiment. "Ditto"! Love to love you! All my love, 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional construct by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (March 31) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Steep learning curve of parental dementia

2010-03-22T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hi friend, thanks for your fine kindness in your communication, as always.

I am on the steep part of the learning curve regarding the beginning dementia of my mom. I have so much to do, so much to learn! And I feel I can't talk to my spouse about it, since he is not able to hear about my negative experiences. I told him how I felt about that, after I said I wished I had someone to talk to about my mom. He said not being able to listen to me was only regarding what happened to me in Santa Cruz in 2008; he can listen to my other negative experiences, and would gladly do so. I have difficulty accepting that. He does very well by his children, which is of the greatest importance to me; he just can't be there for his spouse in the way she needs him to be, I feel. Plus when I got back, I suffered one of my several-times-a-week assaults by him: his left elbow to my left eyesocket, super sudden fast, 2 a.m. So now I'M banished to the depressing guest room, because I don't sweat in that bed, but the guest room bed sucks, and the surroundings suck, with these old maps on the wall that I dislike. Riddle, Tom Riddle: When is assault not assault? When you do it to your spouse, but you're asleep, so you're not accountable. He doesn't think he is accountable for what he does when he's asleep, as far as I can tell; he never apologizes or expresses sadness or says he wants to do anything about it. So now I'm in this guest room and I am remembering bad feelings and I haven't slept much - It's just not ideal. A simple hug would go so Incredibly Far!!!

I feel as if I have not a friend in the world, but of course I do - they're just far away. They're nowhere in sight, which is what I'd want if I were in a trench, fighting battle. Yet, thank goodness for texting; there is apparently a small cadre out there, slightly farther away ...

I am glad you got so much done in your yard this past weekend. I also did! I am happy you accomplished so much, since it makes you feel so good, and everything ends up looking good. I am glad it went a ways in soothing the savage beast of your spouse. I am sorry her experiences are so hard for her.

Lots of Love, 90hazelnut

This has been a fiction by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (March 22) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

I'm sorry the water has been running brown for you

2010-02-09T13:02:00.000-08:00

Hi River View Dave, I was so glad to hear from you! I was wondering if you were surviving and well. I was wondering if your life was a lot harder in this rainy season, and how you fill your time on rainy days. When I was awake in the early hours before sunlight I was thinking of you, and wondering with concern. This is a constant in my life.

I am glad you are moving forward with the trucking school. Are you really sure your back can stand being in a truck seat for so many hours each day?

I don't think they try to create crazy people in Santa Cruz. Such people flock there from all over the country. Santa Cruz just tries to manage them and to be somewhat hospitable. But lately the hurting business community is less inclined to be very charitable. The police respond to input from the city government, local businessmen, and individuals. That's why it's harder to get a free ride on Pacific Avenue in 2009-2010, IMHO. The stepped-up law enforcement has displaced fringe individuals.

Do you contemplate the ocean water each day? I think you told me you like to make that part of your daily ritual. I'm sorry the water has been running brown for you. It's real, and it's also symbolic.

I don't have any problems reading your emails. Your messages come through in a clear and strong manner. I enjoy hearing from you and I like repeatedly reading that you are alive. I hope you are living in the 0-5 range on the 0-10 pain scale. Myself, I'm a 6 today, but I'm pressing on!

Best wishes, 90hazelnut

90hazelnut fictional email to a friend

2010-02-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

Wow, you are so handsome and so hairy!
You look deliciously male and healthy.
Thanks for sending that image my way. ;-)
I am very sorry that your friend died young.
We went to Point Reyes yesterday - a lovely lengthy day trip. K1 couldn't barely stand to be enclosed in a car with us fogies for so
many hours, but the other 2 were relatively gracious.
I hope you are having a good day; I am.

This has been a fictional construct by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (February 1) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20100108

2010-01-08T10:27:00.000-08:00

Hi All Peach, Thanks for the nice email. I'm glad you're well. We are well, too.

We are enjoying my spouse's uncle. He arrived last night. He is already out pitching his business and has 3 (?) appointments today in our area. He is using our vehicle and crashing in our guest room. I thought I wouldn't be able to write to you today, because he's occupying the room where my desktop computer is, but as he's already out, I am back in the guest room.

I see much of the country is getting deep cold and snow. I'm sorry if that makes life harder for you. I hope it doesn't affect you as much as it might ... That written, I hope you have a lovely time out in the woods, this weekend. :-)

I sometimes think of you all going to that mall as a family, or as a partial family. Just the other day, I wondered if you'd made it to its "Trader Joe's" yet. It is an awesome grocery store with reasonable prices. You should check it out sometime when you're all alone - then, you'd see that you'd all love it.

(I am currently listening to Clapton's "Let it Grow" and I am blissing out over that. It's one of my favorite songs. I am also currently in my second wave of listening to U2's "Magnificent", which came out last spring; it's got a high play count on my iTunes right now.)

I hope your packing up for your hunting trip goes easily. Will you have a tent? (Sleeping bags, I imagine, at least.) It's nice that you can help out your brother when he doesn't have his car. You two are a blessing to each other.

All my love to you and your family, now and always, 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (January 8) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20100106

2010-01-06T17:13:00.001-08:00

Hi All Peach,

I'm glad if you had a good day yesterday and today, and will have one tomorrow (?).

I'm sorry your weather is turning yet harsher. 'Tis the season ... I have it SOOOOOOO good where I am.

I hope your work meeting went well on Wednesday.

I'm glad to read that you're running so well, and are otherwise very well. I, too, am glad I am well beyond the "new year's resolutioners" stage of exercise at the southwest YMCA this early January! I have been at serious work outs for over 4 months now.

I'm glad you got to go get your deer tag and hunting supplies. :-) Nice guy outing.

I remember well that Smiths song you mention. I used to crack up at the same spot, too! ;-) I loved how you used to say "Morrissey is a little light in his slippers".

I can't really listen to much Smith's these days; it's so silly and unlike my life. Still, I listen to some Smiths, now and then, but not to any Morose-y albums. And I'm happy enough when a Smith's tune gets shuffled along through my iPod to my ears.

I'm glad that your cold didn't develop into much. I am always thankful that you take such good care of yourself and your family. I am glad you have a dear mother who takes a very active interest in your health, that she talks to you about nearly every day.

All my love to you, All Peach, your 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (January 6) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Learning Opportunity

2010-01-05T11:10:00.000-08:00

Title: Learning Opportunity
Key words: 90hazelnut, exercise, man, peace, relationship, tools of the trade, training, tricks, woman, world

I want to spend more time with you, before I die.
Not as in a man-woman relationship - but rather as a further training exercise - possibly for both of us.
I don't know your world.
You may not know my world well.
We could still learn some tricks - and "earn" some tools of the trade - from each other.
Peace and prosperity. :-)

© 2009 (January 5) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com and ribocat.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Anna

2010-01-03T16:05:00.000-08:00

Lyrics to "Anna" by BAP

Do bess janz für mich do su wie en Mamm für der Panz.
Wenn de Löwin sinn darfs dann jisste dich ganz do bess neugierich
selfsüchtig wie e klei Kind.
Jäjem Lot' sing Frau möhts do ee Salzbergwerk sinn.
Anna, Anna, drieh dich nit öm
Anna, Anna, drieh dich nit öm
Anna, Anna, drieh dich nit öm
Anna, Anna, drieh dich nit öm
Moondachs besste ne Friedhoff
Diensdaachs besste ne Pfuff
Mittwochs dräumste dich fruh
Donnersdaach stirvste em Suff
Friedaachs isste kei Fleisch
Sabbat arbeitste nie
spaars ding Kräfte für Sonndaachs
Annamarie.
Oh do Annachronismus
bess en komische Frau
dingen Janus-Kopp stink mer
un dat weißte jenau.
Do wills Priesterin
Hex sinn
Torero un Stier
gt;nur wenn de janit mieh durchblicks
frööhste och ens noh mir.
Ich hann de Haas voll von dir
un dinger Schizzophrenie
dämm ewje Hin und Her Hick Hack
ich pack et nit mieh.
Vun dinge Austausch-Jeseechter
ess nur eins nit zovil
wenn't sinn muß
mähßte so wigger
doch dann loss mich uss dem Spill.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20091225

2009-12-25T07:58:00.000-08:00

Title: Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20091225
Link: http://www.ymcasv.org/southwest
Key words: 90hazelnut fictional email to All Peach, all rights reserved, California, Nintendo PS3, PS3, Saratoga, skiing, Southwest YMCA

Hi All Peach, Merry Christmas! I thought of you at 6:30 a.m. my time today, this Christmas day, and was thinking you were probably well en route, if not almost there. I was wishing you all a safe trip, and a fun and loving time together eating everyone's good foods. :-)

I did some praying this early morning. Not because it was the Day to, but because I was up then, but not at the southwest YMCA. Maybe I should start shooting short prayers for the people around me at the gym, and their families, to keep in the good habit while at the gym, too. (It's not •All• about blasting fast Mellencamp tunes to pump it to - ha ha ha!)

Our Christmas Eve was nice, too. Right now it's Christmas day at about 7:45 a.m., and so far only K2 is out yet. He is playing NCAA Football 10 on Nintendo PS3, and his father got him a new PS3 because the first family one finally just died in December 2009.

It looks sunny and cool for today, here. Yesterday when I went into the YMCA at 8:30 a.m., it was still only 36 F then (according to my car thermometer). Usually it has only been 36 F at 5:30 a.m. - and sometimes warmer than that - and it usually warms up steadily once the sun rises.

I will try to send you short emails until I ski, so you can read them on a phone if you're free to.

All my love to you and your family, All Peach - 90hazelnut :-)

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (December 25) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com and allpeach64.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20091217

2009-12-17T11:02:00.000-08:00

Title: Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20091217
Link: http://www.ymcasv.org/southwest
Key words: 90hazelnut fictional email to All Peach, allpeach64, all rights reserved, California, driving, hunting, kids, Saratoga, Southwest YMCA, spouse, vacuum

Hi All Peach, I'm glad you're well, and exercising and enjoying life and your family.

I went to the southwest YMCA twice this morning. I felt strong and worked pretty long and hard. My knee is still bothering me, though. I could only do 5 minutes of 4.5 mph on the treadmill at 8% grade. I filled out my time in the cardio room with half elliptical, half recumbent bike. I did 120 reps of ski lunges, though, and didn't feel bad afterwards. I also did various weights. So far I enjoy every weight, because I am lifting extremely modest weights.

I had a bit of a busy afternoon yesterday with kid driving-around. One kid had a dental appointment that we had to wait half an hour for, and seemed to run extra-long itself; another kid needed to be dropped off and picked up from play practice, and another kid was "stuck" in the public library for 2.25 extra hours because she wasn't done when I came by the first time. I also drove a regular carpool first - no biggie.

I am vacuuming and wrapping presents today. Pretty easy, I guess, except it hurts my knee to vacuum ('cause I'm often getting down on the ground so I can see what needs extra attention, and I haul myself Under some of the furniture). My spouse says that no one else vacuums my way (he probably really means: Fool!), and I say, I know, but that I've made it part of my workout routine and I like it. He says, okay, well then, don't do it when it hurts. I say, that would be wise ...

I hope you have a good day and will have a good weekend hunting, too. Love, 90hazelnut

This has been fictional writing by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (December 17) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20091214

2009-12-14T06:52:00.000-08:00

Title: Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20091214
Link: http://www.ymcasv.org/southwest
Key words: 90hazelnut fictional email to All Peach, Air Force, allpeach64, all rights reserved, California, Christmas, St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, military, Saratoga, Southwest YMCA, YMCA

Hi All Peach, I'm glad to read that you are all well. I am glad your spouse made it back safely. Thank you for writing to me.

That's nice you managed to get some family Christmas shopping done, even while in the company of your kids. I believe we do, ourselves, too, actually have our family buying well under way, and maybe it's even almost under control.

My spouse just got me/us new gym socks to share from Kohl's, himself, when he and K1 were out Christmas shopping. I told him he could wrap them and put them under the tree for me.

I didn't go to the gym today, because I had a very good, strong, long workout at the southwest YMCA (Saratoga, CA - http://www.ymcasv.org/southwest ) yesterday - and only one day before that, was my lifelong hardest and most painful workout. It helped me that the top athlete I like to watch and take inspiration from, was in the gym having a long workout on Saturday morning, because I was in such pain (knee) and stiffness (thighs).

Your mother's birthday is in mid December, right? I seem to remember making a donation to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, on her birthday about 2 years ago, I believe. I am so glad she is in good health and is much loved, and has her faith and duties.

I hope your relatives have an easy and loving time together today, related to maintaining and increasing their family health. I am praying for them, and for you and your whole extended family, and your military friends, and your extended contacts, daily - and for some more people, too. :-) (In short, I am having a basically good time, and keep busy.)

All my love to you, all Peach, your 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (December 14) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20091212

2009-12-12T10:58:00.000-08:00

Hi All Peach, thank you for your very nice reply - it did me a world of good. What you wrote was excellent, and it spoke right to me - was personalized just for me.

Had it been me in my kid's place, I think my mother would not have handled such a situation tactfully; she might have gone ballistic about what was before her eyes, before considering any other part of the problem.

I hope your relative is stable and not too worried, today. I hope she gets a good rest before her procedure on Monday.

Too bad about that cold northern city not being an option, in your near future. I sometimes wonder when You can personally count on retirement. I am very glad you like where you are, anyway! It seems like a great place to raise a family, too. I love the wooded look to your general area when approaching from air; it looks so calming.

We still have only two kids at home today, until K1 comes home in the latest afternoon or early evening from a gymnastics-type birthday party. I bet she'll be tired, because she's been burning the candle at both ends, staying up until 1:30 occasionally, and getting up at 5:30 occasionally. She is paying too high a cost to her health, because she facebooks and IM's and plays various games and watches various videos for hours. She says she totally can't start her homework before 9, and even then, it's sometimes multi-tasking, with IM going on the right side of the screen, as she types her report. I see I have some real parenting to do ...

I exercised today at the southwest YMCA, and it was very difficult - probably my hardest bout yet. And I didn't even hardly break a sweat; it was only hard because of the pain in my knee and thighs. I have been feeling pretty strong and energetic for months now, but injuries are starting to set in. Today I stuck to 30 minutes WALKING at 4.0 mph at 8% grade, and 20 minutes biking at resistance 10 out of 20, but at only 75% normal RPMs. And an hour of weights. The lower body weights were hard for me today - I felt fine and strong and confident in my beginnerishness on upper body free weights. The hardest part of the workout today was getting from standing to sitting - sitting to standing is easier, because I can use my arms to give me some upward boost.

Why did I have to do 120 reps of that hugely lunging ski exercise on Thursday?! I felt great at the time I was doing it - totally strong and joyful ... so I couldn't tell that I was going to have been done in by it, from 3 to 48 hours out ...

On a related note: I get to park my carcass in Tahoe for four days, very soon! Yay! Yay! Yay!!!

The 4 of us are in pretty good moods, from all appearances. It's really nice when the balance of things changes a little, for a while.

I hope you have a lovely day with your dear family.

All my love to you, All Peach, from 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (December 12) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20091210

2009-12-10T10:07:00.000-08:00

Hi All Peach, I hope you are having a nice Thursday, and I hope it's relatively easy for you.

I've seen some news on a big snow storm hitting the midwest and the east coast. I am a bit concerned for the people of those regions, now.

I spent a number of hours at the Southwest YMCA already today; I had two bouts there, both in the morning. I felt good except for my knee. I ran some, even with the healing knee. I feel something slipping around on top of my knee, after I do legs. I usually do 50 minutes of lower body, these days. Also my abs are being worked hard, and I feel them. It's a good hurt, I believe. I'm keeping with pretty moderate and slow increases on weights, because I have to be moderate somewhere (!).

I'm glad your kid is getting on okay without his electronics. What you said to your spouse and him sounded really "right on". It was very well put. I liked the general principle of working hard now, towards a future goal.

I myself am glad to have some manageable personal goals, again. I feel like I am chugging along smoothly, most of the time - mostly making progress, and sometimes not making so much progress.

I wish you could log into this system we have at the local high school where you can check out the GPAs and SATs of college-applying students, etc., of virtually any college you could want - and which scores led to acceptances by the universities, and which didn't. Our high school is blessed with all kinds of college information of all sorts. I hope you'll have similar information available to you all.

I will pray for your peeps - and I also personally hope no bad health event comes to a head.

Love, 90hazelnut

This has been fictional writing by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (December 10) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to L, 20091208

2009-12-08T10:22:00.000-08:00

Yes, L, this request is for real. It’s from me, but I was in my spouse’s amazon account at the time.

We use Amazon for quite a few of our household purchases. I have birthday reminders set up at Amazon. One of the birthday reminders is yours (even though I haven’t gotten you anything for a long time – I figure I might still want to, sometime in the future).

When you get the birthday reminder email from Amazon, one of the things you can do is ask your would-be gift recipient, if you know their email address, to create their own wish list. (I have a wish list, but I never even look at it anymore; I just sometimes send things that catch my eye to my wish list. It must be full of all kinds of dumb stuff that I probably don’t even want anymore, or maybe bought.) So, I was just asking you if you’d create your own wishlist. :-)

My mother has trained me well, to always go all the way inside the P.O., so it was no hardship to take your card into the P.O. :-)

I’m glad you had a good time with your friends in Old Saybrook. I didn’t know you went. I see that your kid FB’s with your friend sometimes – was glad to see that.

Fondly, 90hazelnut

This has been a fiction by 90hazelnut.

č 2009 (December 8) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to River View Dave, 2009

2009-12-07T14:39:00.000-08:00

Hi River View Dave,

I really enjoyed your long email - I was glad to read about what you're doing. You probably could have stopped by. I told my spouse a number of nice things about you, so I think he would be favorably inclined towards you.

I thought I'd attend the meeting on Friday morning. Will you be in town on that day?

Best wishes, 90hazelnut

This is fictional writing by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (December 7) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20091207

2009-12-07T11:07:00.000-08:00

Hi friend, I'm having a good Monday morning, doing my weekly big cleaning. I have vacuumed a number of rooms and done laundry, so far. Writing to you is a nice break.

For my first time today, I tried vacuuming while listening to music on my iPod. I thought I would hate it, because of my aversion to loud sounds, but it's been very pleasant so far. In fact, the iPod helps drown out the vacuum noise. I started my aerobic cleaning to Blue Oyster Cult "Spectres" - high energy music.

I'm glad you got so much done in your house, that you wanted to. I'm also glad you were able to do as much running on Sunday as on Saturday - and you went hunting, too! I now virtually always leave the YMCA having showered, with our winter weather patterns upon us. I feel pretty warm the whole time I'm there, now - not chilled- thank goodness. Yesterday morning, a winter cloud sailed in from the west - it looked almost like one of the hail clouds I used to see in TX, with scalloped bottom. It's been raining off and on, since - sometimes hard, but with breaks. In fact, right now it's partly sunny. However, our newspaper has all black umbrellas for the whole work week. So be it! K1 is very happy with the change to rainy weather. I like the rain, myself. I also exercised at the gym on Saturday and Sunday, but I let myself have a gentle and slow workout on Sunday - I needed it. That's not to say I was at the gym any less than 2 hours on Sunday.

I'm glad your spouse was so happy with the new condition of the basement that she even ventured to exercise there. She must be very pleased. How nice that you did that big cleanup, for all of you.

I'm very glad that your brother can get the new furniture he wanted, in this economy, especially after having been without work. I hope he enjoys his new furniture a lot.

I hope you are having a nice Monday, friend - Mine is nice - 90hazelnut.

This has been a fictional construct by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (December 7) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Allman Brothers "Blue Sky" lyrics (Eat a Peach)

2009-12-06T16:34:00.001-08:00

Allman Brothers "Blue Sky" lyrics (Eat a peach)

Walk along the river - sweet lullaby - it just keep on flowing - it don't worry 'bout where it's going - no, no.
Don't fly, Mister blue bird, I'm just walking down the road - Early morning sunshine tell me all I need to know.

You're my blue sky, you're my sunny day - Lord, you know it makes me high - when you turn your love my way.
Turn your love my way, yeah.

Good old Sunday morning - bells are ringing everywhere.
Goin' to Carolina; it won't be long and I'll be there.

You're my blue sky, you're my sunny day - Lord, you know it makes me high - when you turn your love my way
Turn your love my way, yeah.

~This song used to play an important part in my life, and I still like it very much. -90hazelnut~

© 2009 (December 6) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to a friend, 20091205

2009-12-05T08:52:00.001-08:00

Hi friend, it was great to talk with you and text with you yesterday! Then there's the constant stream of nice emails ... :-) I'm lovin' it ...

I'm just back from the YMCA. I had a long and hard one today - two hours. Only half of that was cardio. I majorly changed my weights routine this past week. So my workouts are evolving and progressing. My left knee is still weak, but I am pretty easy on it, so I think it's still healing okay.

I played my iPod for the first time at the gym today. It made a big, fun difference! I was all big smiles, again and again. I had to stop my hands from playing the drum tracks so I wouldn't appear "touched". ;-) There's always the threat of me conducting the music, or "playing" one of the instruments, if I am listening to my iPod. Conducting unseen orchestras ... :-) It's a good thing my hands stay mostly occupied at the YMCA, ha ha. I found I had to take off the iPod in the weight room, because people kept trying to make pleasantries with me. I'd rather trade a few nice sentences with my fellow exercisers, and I don't need the help of the music in the weights room.

K3 is in the holiday parade in our town today. She will be marching with the play kids, wearing her associated shirt. There are so many groups that are in the parade. K1 has marched in it, in previous years. The parade gets a big community turn-out. It's still a little foggy, but the sun is trying to come out, and it's for sure not raining. I remember one year we were trying to sell our previous house (2001), and we attended the parade - the house was open - it was so heavily rainy and gloomy that day- we were conscious of trying not to bring our muck into our "show" house when we came back. Our seasonal rain has not really begun yet, though we had one big rain storm on October 13.

K3 is occupied with her play events for much of the day and the evening today. They have a special event this evening - a movie and fun night, where you have to bring your own beach towel (maybe because it's a play about surfing?). It still strikes me as kind of novel that the youngest is doing all these middle-aged-kid things now. Then soon enough, she too will be off to her own life ... I am trying to soak up each nice moment with her, and store it away as a fond memory.

I am feeling So good at the moment! :-) I had such a nice day already, and it's not even 9 a.m. I think it was a big morale boost to get all that specialized attention from my special friend yesterday - along with all the other positive or neutral things that are going on in my life. Right now I'm just glad to be relatively strong and able, and I am feeling grateful for that.

I hope you have a blessed day, and I'll be sending out those prayers. Thank you very much for yours; they are much appreciated.

Much love, 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional construct by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (December 5) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to a friend, 20091204

2009-12-04T10:02:00.000-08:00

Hi friend, thank you for thinking of me, and for the 2 nice emails.

For my second day, I have been on a little bit of a mental downer, and I have been hard on myself. I like to think I still appear mostly positive and with quite a few smiles, around my family and in public. K2 caught me with a few tears in my eyes yesterday, but I endeavored to change that, and I got the smiles and jokes back, within a short while, and displayed them for him, yesterday and today.

I am currently somewhat bummed that I seem to be nowhere near where I want to be, in several realms, and I let myself feel a little bit bad about that. I soon reverse the mood, after realizing that I AM, after all, still making positive progress. Still, the sad mood came upon me some 2 - 3 times in the past 24 hours, and I had to spend precious time and mental resources, fighting it off. I DID prevail, though.

I am living in the positive - and also, exercising as prescribed. I am doing my chores with a sense of gratitude that I Can do them. So, BIG smiley face, for yesterday and today, and for you. :-)

All my love, 90hazelnut

P.S. It appears to be firming up that we are going skiing in Tahoe over the Christmas holidays! Awesome! Big Yay!!!

This has been a fictional construct by 90hazelnut.

© 2009 (December 4) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach, 20091202

2009-12-02T10:13:00.000-08:00

Hi friend, I'm glad you thought your weekend was pretty good, overall. I hope the first few days of the week went well for you all, too.

I'm glad to read that you're running so much and so fast and feeling so strong. I'm glad your knee pain seems to be a thing of the distant past, and that you're doing altogether Great in the physical realm. You are doing a good deal to stave off some of those degenerative diseases, I firmly believe.

- Sigh. I've been doing lower body cardio only every other day, this week, old crippled-by-knee-pain person that I am. If I feel too antsy about not getting into the YMCA 6 days a week, I might let myself go there and do something extremely gentle, like walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes. But with the David Copperfield rereading, I think it might be nice for me to develop myself in another realm, and commit myself to reading "fine" (?) literature, half the week, those very early morning hours. I think it does me a lot of good to keep early hours. I get to reframe my mood after I first wake up, if need be, with some peaceful thinking or reading, by getting up when it's still way dark, before my family is up. I think I can better offer them my better side, that way.

K3 had her piano lesson yesterday. They are working on Christmas songs. I think K3 is doing very well indeed, for such a recent beginner. At home she moans that she wants to quit piano, then at lessons she does brilliantly and receives high and affectionate praise, and is big smiles. K3 seems to have a lot of music in her. She says she tries to get her classmates to sing, by singing. What a nice visual! :-)

I will commit to say 15 little prayers a day, each day in December, except yesterday, upon inspiration from you, for you and your family (and me and my family and all the struggling families). I hope to write some of my little prayers down, to have a nice thing to carry in my pocket for a while. What a nice thing to do - to shoot little prayers repeatedly through the day! I now see why Catholics seem to take comfort in their rituals. The rituals get you refocused on God, that many times a day. (I generally pray several times a day, but I don't generally have a structure to the praying, that helps me stay focused on anything.)

Love, 90hazelnut

This has been a fictional construct by 90hazelnut; have a nice day! :-)

© 2009 (December 2) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Thank you for the Novena

2009-12-02T08:59:00.000-08:00

Thank you for the link to the Saint Andrew Christmas Novena. It is a very good idea to repeat this several times a day, it seems. [Myself, I think a little too much fuss is made about the blessed mother of Jesus, but that's just those of us other Christians ...]

I hope you are having a good day. I am having a blessed one, already. (But then again, I can't help but feeling blessed after being immersed in David Copperfield since last week. This morning I am on page 444 - K1 is on page 496. She is saying, "Wasn't Steerforth a jerk?!" and I answer, "Steerforth is indeed a bad fellow!")

© 2009 (December 2) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to a friend, 20091128

2009-11-30T09:06:00.000-08:00

Hi friend, I'm glad you all had a nice visit on Thanksgiving. Were you off work on Friday?

That's pretty good you got the big part of your shopping done.

I'm glad you get to go hunting these next few days.

It looks like the 5 of us will go hiking at Pinnacles national monument today. It should be a beautiful day for a short hike through talus caves.

We took the kids bowling yesterday; it was very pleasant to be with them in that manner.

I worked out Friday, but injured my knee while on the treadmill. I must take today off. No mis-step happened; the pain and swelling just slowly built through the day, after the workout. My knees have been shot since before I turned 14, when I had a bike mishap on an organized week-long YMCA youth trip to Martha's Vineyard (a kid was going into a curve and wiped out into me in the inside curve, taking me down, too). I thought I could slowly do a little running, now. I am rather disappointed, because I was hoping to run in the first half of 2010 with K3. My spouse says his coworker knows some very good knee stretches, via his own physical therapy. That guy badly tore up his knee while playing volleyball - again, just taking a normal step, where something tore. I also think I have to cut down to vigorously exercising lower body only 3 times a week. Maybe I can try those gentle things now, like yoga. Maybe I can get serious about doing the background things like learning stretching properly ... The YMCA was really hopping on Friday, in contrast to your experience. A really nice lady of my approximate age talked to me for about 5 minutes, when we were both watching the "cardio body pump" class from outside together, and I was touched at the nice human interaction. I might never see her again, but at least it happened. At least I try to be pleasant with everyone who comes across my path, Independent of how I feel. I think I've been smiling and receptive to human interaction a lot more since going in to the YMCA at my early morning time, so that sets up for nice interactions ... I had really gotten to be a hermit in the months before that ... Now I've got to retool and think what other good thing I could be doing with my time, particularly in the morning when not vigorously exercising. I am fortunate that I have the leisure to be able to volunteer somewhere. That fellow exerciser lady at the YMCA was telling me that she has taken up swimming since her knee surgery - I should probably do that. I haven't swam at all for exercise in virtually my whole life. I don't even care much for the water. I think I have a deep fear of water. Ha ha. The joke must be on me, if I have to take up swimming as a lifetime sport - I never cared much for swimming. (I'm writing that with a smile on my face.) How do you feel about swimming? I think I was last proficient at my swim strokes before teenagerhood! It would be rather embarrassing to start out swimming now, with my current ineptitude, but I suppose it can be done, if it must be done ...

Meanwhile, I'm reading David Copperfield with K1, egging her on to get her school reading done over the holidays. She has put herself into competition with me, and it's working really well for her. She just couldn't get going on that book, at first. It's nearly 900 pages long, for one. I read that book in high school and prepared a year-long author report on Dickens back then; I thought he was pretty straightforward reading. I found it a bit hard to get back into reading Dickens, the first 30 or so pages. The language can be so un-current and hard to follow. Oh well. I'm enjoying reading Dickens, and the fun competition, anyway. I'm smiling and pleasant and I haven't let anything get me down yet, recently.

Hope you have a good weekend, All my love, 90hazelnut

© 2009 (November 28) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com and allpeach64.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to a friend

2009-11-20T10:03:00.001-08:00

Hi friend, I hope your day is good.

I feel good today, but physically tired, already, and it's still only morning. I felt less like going in to the gym today, and briefly
considered trying to sleep in until kid wake-up time, except that I took Wednesday off, so I feel I'm not really entitled to another day off yet, if I don't need it yet. (I also have difficulty going back to sleep in situations like that, when one has to get up in another hour or so, anyway.) But once I got into the gym, I tried running on the treadmill for my first time in years, today. I tried 5.0 mph but only lasted 5 minutes, because I had to go to the bathroom. But I then thought, maybe I should start running slowly, like only 5 or 10 minutes at a time. Then I'll be ready for my "real" supposed start at running in January or so, in time for the May race. Anyway, I did 25 minutes elliptical before trying the running, then 15 minutes bicycle. The bike seems positively easy, now, though I sweat hard and get really red from it still. I have the resistance up rather high in everything. (That's a general principal of mine, it seems!)

I've had this mildly annoying hang-up about my thighs since age 8. I've always felt that they are larger than average, for my overall proportions. I've come to think I should be doing something with those powerful (?) thighs. That's partly why I started the biking as a lifetime sport. Historically, I hardly did road work at all, though, because I was scared to be on the road; I only took off with that exercise once I started doing it on stationary bike. (I also only do 105 pounds on the quadriceps machine these days, so far, but that's 6 times a week, because I am either stupid or vain. Seriously, it still feels like nothing, but I'm making myself go slowly in the weights room.)

I am glad to read about K2 enjoying many machines at the gym. He'll be a lifetime kind of exerciser! :-) Thanks for introducing a fellow human to exercise, and for helping him and spending time with him during exercise.

That's SO awesome that K1 is all Ripped, already! Wow! Holy cow! Who'da thought?! How nice for him and you all. Hopefully, he'll keep his body in prime shape for his whole life. :-)

Some stray questions for you came to me while I was on the elliptical this morning. What do you eat at work? Do you always bring food from home? Is there ever an opportunity for a hot meal on the spur of the moment? Can you drive to fast food sometimes? Do you like the grub you eat during the first half of your day? (I know you eat a nice salad when you get home; that sounds like a fine habit.)

I don't think I could get a job in my field anymore, because I haven't worked in that field in years. I could claim that I worked in the family business on and off in the years since then, but is that really fair? The family work was not a full-time commitment, and didn't require much "science". My highest ambition is company X, for now. They don't get many random gunmen at company X, do they? (I don't like the idea of working in the public, but that may be what I have to do.)

I do have an idea for a volunteer commitment that would also likely look good on my resume, were I to start it this spring: assistant coaching girls' track as part of a youth community recreation program. And I'm STILL thinking about volunteering in the emergency ward, in my excess leisure time ... (H1N1, are you still coming?)

My spouse loves the west coast climate, and never wants to leave this kind of climate. He doesn't care what it costs, if he can afford it. BTW, my spouse doesn't like our forced 10% interest free loan to the state government, no. Fortunately for the people in my area, there are plenty of good newspaper articles telling you how to change your tax withholding and get around this, relatively easily.

It's only a bit after 9:30, but I'm in the mood for a big, warm meal already, maybe because I'm still shivering. It was a cold one this morning; 36 F when I started out. It's the 100 yard walk between gym buildings with a cold sweat that really does me in; I should put on sweat pants for that little walk, but I don't want to appear so "P", ha ha. Today the showers seemed a little warmer than usual, so I'm a LOL in NAD (a little old lady in no apparent distress). :-)

I hope you've had few problems recently, and I hope your family is well. (Oh yeah, my K2 has a really sore throat and headache today, but didn't want to stay home. All my kids are kind of tough, that way, and they like staying "in the know". I am on standby in case I should need to retrieve K2 from school - unlikely, as it's never happened - but I also might leave the area to pick up the hard copies of the holiday family portraits.)

Love to you, friend, from 90hazelnut

© 2009 (November 20) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Fictional email from 90hazelnut to a friend

2009-11-17T09:03:00.000-08:00

Hi friend, I enjoyed your email. Thank you for your daily news and stories.

I am still feeling blessed in the family and household department; my job feels manageable today and I'm glad for it, and glad I can do it as a gift to my family and myself.

>I'm up a bit late watching my lousy Cleveland Browns impersonating a football team.<

I saw that the Browns were playing, and I was wondering what you thought of that, and would you be able to catch the game ...

I watch a little morning news at the gym, which I don't usually do, otherwise. So I am up on some of the current news lately. The YMCA doesn't usually have sports channels playing in the early morning like my previous exercise place had. It's kind of nice watching TV news, because you don't get recent news from the newspaper. I have been reading the newspaper every day in 2009, but I haven't watched morning TV news until this fall. The screen in front of me at the gym is often on CNBC, but there are 3 other big monitors nearby, too, with other shows, and the crosstrainers all have their own little TV screens. When I used to go to the YMCA in the later mornings, I used to watch the trash shows when I was on the bike sitting behind some lady on a crosstrainer who was watching some trash show ... would hope some other lady was watching a forensics show ... in the late morning, the YMCA plays HGTV on one TV screen, which I like pretty well. I went through an HGTV kick in the first half of 2009. I like watching demolition and remodeling/fix-it shows, as well as house-hunting shows where the couple picks one of 3 dwellings.

I'm glad you had two good bouts at the gym on Monday. I've been recently thinking of going back in to the gym for a second bout, for some of the more "lifetime" stuff, like yoga, stretching, techniques to help cycle out the lactic acid, maybe ... I am impressed that you can run 3.5 miles. If I tried that, it would be my first time in years, but with the resistance I've built up from 45-50 minutes cardio 6 days a week, I might be able to pull it off ... I probably won't try to do that, as a first attempt at running. :-)

I still don't understand what you think is making your feet and legs sore. First you present it as a circulation issue, so I prick up my ears at that, and I start worrying. Then you try to down-play it as exercise-related. Have you now gotten a good feeling that it must be mostly exercise-related? I hope so. :-)

Your story of your lack of success at hunting was funny. I giggled out loud.

This morning I am volunteering in K3's school library, like every Tuesday morning this school year. I like it. I know all the kids' names now. I like getting to smile at the kids and say a quick personal thing as I get to know each child a little better.

There you go sneaking in one-last, one-last pre-winter yard-care epic event! ;-) I am also very pleased to read what a good helper and worker and giver your kid is; that type is rare. He is like his old man. He gives with a joyous heart!

I'm glad your spouse treated you nicely this past weekend. I am always glad when your day is a little easier, so I also shoot prayers for your spouse's good day, now and again. I want her to have an easy day so your kids and you can have a more pleasant day. And it's evolved into I just want her to have an easier day just for her own well-being, too.

Last week, when I didn't hear from you in a few days, occasionally I worried that maybe something happened to you, and you were in the hospital, incommunicado, or someone in your family was. I wondered if your brother might have had a heart attack. I tried to dismiss such thoughts as soon as they came into my head, but they did flit through there, now and again. I realized that if something happened to you, I probably wouldn't find out about it for quite some time, as I am not a family member. I'd have to wait for the graciousness of someone in your family to contact me, or until you got well enough to communicate again.

So maybe when you're really busy, you could send me a quick text reading that you're all right, but that you're really swamped right now. And I'll try to do the same. :-)

I am sorry your spouse has to take sleep aids. That's a rough road. I know; I used to do it - and I take antihistamine sleep aids now, too, to a lesser extent than even only half a year ago. I also wake up sweating each night in my bed, even though I've made changes in my bedding, my sleepwear, etc. I dry my chest sweat and hike my shirt up to just under my nipples (chilled nipples aren't pleasant) at around 0230 each morning. This sweating came on from one day to the next in July 2009, upon getting a new modern-day mattress. My spouse and I both sweated through the first new mattress, then went back to the store for an exchange because the sweat level was intolerable, then changed mattress technologies slightly, and now with the second new mattress, I'm the only one who is still sweating. I don't sweat during the day; I shiver through the mornings until I start my cleaning bout.

I'm glad you will have a nice trip this weekend, with or without your spouse. Your kids already understand that this is what's best for their mom, and have made allowances, if they even needed to. I am glad that you will laugh with your mom and siblings and their spouses, and glad that your kids will see that and hear that and partake of it.

Does your mom "like" - or respect and esteem - any of the guys her age, at her church? It would be nice if she could have someone to love her and care about her - with the same values and background as her. Your mom still has a lot of love to give. I would imagine that she misses being held, and drinks it up when her kids and grandkids hug her and spend time with her ... You and your kids are giving your mom your best gifts - the gifts of your time and effort. I love that all of you do a lot of stuff around the house for her, too. I imagine you keep pleasantly chatting with her while you're at work in her house, as much as possible. :-)

Friend, I hope the rest of your day goes well. The best of my love, Always, 90hazelnut

© 2009 (November 17) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved. Happy birthday to Jennifer Brown or Jenna Brown; you were my first best friend! :-)

Email from a friend to a friend

2009-11-10T09:13:00.000-08:00

Hi 90hazelnut, thanks for the early morning hug.

>Wish I was with you right now, for a late-fall hug and chat. That would do my heart good, and I could dish out some of the same. Love, your friend 90hazelnut<

So simple how 2 sentences can make my day. Thank you so much, my friend! I love you!!! Oh, how I know you can dish it out; I miss your closeness and how sweet your love is - but at the same time, the memories of it are sustaining me, too.

Have a great day, Love, your friend Ribonuff.

This email has been a fictional construct by 90hazelnut and Ribo Nuff. I hope you have a healthy and enjoyable day!

©opyright 2009 (November 10) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com and ribocat.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

90hazelnut fictional email to a friend

2009-11-03T08:27:00.000-08:00

Hi friend,

I had a bit of a busy day with K3 out of school early due to conferences and several appointments.

It was pretty driving to the YMCA this morning, with the big moon in the lightening sky. I guess the moon is still full since it's still November 2. Soon it will be dark again when I drive to the YMCA at Oh-Dark-Hundred. It's nice watching the sky get lighter as I exercise.

I am shocked that you're having circulation problems after a long time on the elliptical! Maybe you should get your circulation problem looked into - and sooner, rather than later. I remember you used to tell me about a different circulation problem you had, too. Maybe it's all connected and should be checked out.

Myself, I can't stand a sauna for long. I get a panicky feeling. We do have a sauna shower, however. I've been getting so chilled after these early morning workouts (I put myself away wet and ungroomed - at least until after the kids are off to school) that I've been using the shower sauna at home now and again, to heat up.

I did K2's car pool this afternoon and I pick up K1 and K3 each day at their schools. My spouse usually drives each kid (or sometimes K2's car pool) to school each morning, but sometimes I do. I love seeing the early morning sky, and I like this calm drive time with the offspring, but I respect that it's one of my spouse's one-on one times with the kids.

I spent time with my father in the woods, but I didn't learn many practical outdoors skills from him. (I learned more esoteric outdoors things from him, like about what rock type we were standing on, and how it formed.) I can't say I learned any significant outdoors skills until I got to college and graduate school and started camping on the geology field trips and field camps; I had only rarely camped out before that, like at YMCA summer camp. I would still be grateful and glad to learn more outdoors skills. I'm glad I never had to butcher a bear, though I did get talked through how to do that for my time in the Yukon territory. (If a white man in Canada has to kill a bear in self-defense, he is supposed to butcher it appropriately, not just leave it there to rot. Native Americans can do more or less as they wish with a dead animal in Canada, which is typically to use every part of the slain animal.)

I will think of you (next weekend?) as you are doing your long, last lawn care of the season. I hope your winter is not as demanding as usual. I worry about your mother and other people affected by deep snow. We have it so completely easy weather-wise here. Also, virtually anything will grow here.

I called my mother today but only got her machine. I left a nice message. It's still rather unusual that I would call my mom. I hope she enjoyed the message.

I thought you and your spouse had been having a little more unpleasantness, again. I am glad to hear that's apparently not the case.

I just read a book, written by Joan Benoit and coauthor, because I figured I should read a book about Joan Benoit some day! It was easy and nice reading, with some key photos of her big successes, and a few photos of her en famille. An inspiring story. I got the book inexpensively through a reseller who works with amazon. We use amazon dot com somewhat frequently - well, mostly my spouse does.

That written, I've believe I've been very good at mostly not spending money except on food and cleaning supplies for about a year; the change in the economy and increase in unemployment deeply affected/affects me. I am really just trying to use and preserve what we have, rather than going out and buying new. I have always darned my socks, since a teenager, for example.

I was really worrying when your family member lost his job. I am just kind of sitting tight for now, not worrying too much, but also not taking things for granted and feeling blessed for what I have. I am not worrying about getting a job at the moment, but I do want to make progress on that, since I'll be close to broke soon, except for what my spouse is willing to share. And I still want to volunteer at the hospital, too. I tell myself it's because of the threat of H1N1 that I haven't started at the hospital yet, but that's only partly true.

My friend, I hope you got a good sleep and are about to have a nice and rather uneventful day at work. Take good care, Love, your friend

This has been a fictional work by 90hazelnut.
© 2009 (November 2) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Only you, lordorlando, only you!

2009-10-16T08:57:00.000-07:00

Awesome photo from 51,00 feet!
Only you, lordorlando, only you!
I was just thinking this morning, on the way back from the gym at 0645, that I should eat up some of your frozen pecans from 2006. I still have quite a few in the freezer. I am too lazy to make a pecan pie, too. I'd like to crack 10 nuts or so right now, but I don't feel like doing all that work when there's an open bag of cashews nearby.
Best, 90hazelnut
P.S. I am now doing better. I'm trying quite hard to really adopt an attitude of gratitude, after realizing I have been so spoiled and living the easy life for so long. I have also been exercising hard, about 6 days a week, since around Sept. 21. Before that it was gym 3 times a week starting August 26. I have made some accomplishments, and I'm not taking any meds or pain relievers, except rarely the occasional NSAID or aspirin. I have been off beer since September 14, and proud of my accomplishment in that area, too. I really don't need those "silly" empty calories.

©opyright 2009 (October 16) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

You've been in my life since Dec. 1989, actually; we're coming up on 20 years!

2009-10-07T08:41:00.001-07:00

Hi friend, I am winding down and headed for bed in a few minutes. I did my second session at the gym tonight, an hour of cardio. It kicked my butt but it feels good to get it in.
I added some New Order to my top rated list. "Thieves like Us" played and brought me right back to 1990. It's hard to believe it's been 19 years since you entered into my life and showed me what love is.

Thank you for being there 19 years ago, you lit up my life, I love you - your friend for ever.

Key words: 90hazelnut fictional email to Blue Sky, All Rights Reserved 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, bluesky64

©opyright 200910070844 All Rights Reserved 90hazelnut.blogspot.com.

Linkin Park "Easier to Run" lyrics

2009-09-23T10:48:00.000-07:00

~I have been playing and replaying a particular song since September 10, 2009. It seems to capture some of my feelings at this time. -90hazelnut~

Linkin Park "Easier to Run" lyrics
Songwriters: Bennington, Chester; Shinoda, Mike; Bourdon, Rob; Delson, Brad; Farrell, Darren; Hahn, Joseph

It's easier to run - replacing this pain with something numb - It's so much easier to go - than face all this pain here all alone.

Something has been taken - from deep inside of me - a secret I've kept locked away - No one can ever see - wounds so deep they never show - They never go away - like moving pictures in my head - for years and years they've played.

If I could change I would - take back the pain I would - retrace every wrong move that I made I would.
If I could stand up - take up the blame, I would - If I could take all the shame to the grave I would.

If I could change I would - take back the pain I would - retrace every wrong move that I made I would.
If I could stand up - take up the blame, I would - If I could take all the shame to the grave I would.

It's easier to run - replacing this pain with something numb - It's so much easier to go - than face all this pain here all alone.

Sometimes I remember - the darkness of my past - bringing back these memories - I wish I didn't have.
Sometimes I think of letting go - and never looking back - and never moving forward so - There'd never be a past.

If I could change I would - take back the pain I would - retrace every wrong move that I made I would.
If I could stand up - take up the blame, I would - If I could take all the shame to the grave I would.

If I could change I would - take back the pain I would - retrace every wrong move that I made I would.
If I could stand up - take up the blame, I would - If I could take all the shame to the grave I would.

Just washing it aside - all the helplessness inside - pretending I don't feel misplaced - is so much simpler than change.

It's easier to run - replacing this pain with something numb - It's so much easier to go - than face all this pain here all alone.

(It's easier to run)
If I could change I would - take back the pain I would - retrace every wrong move that I made I would.
(It's easier to go)

If I could change I would - take back the pain I would - retrace every wrong move that I made I would.
If I could stand up - take up the blame up, I would - If I could take all the shame to the grave

© Linkin Park. All Rights Reserved.
© 2009 (September 23) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

My boy turns XY today ...

2009-08-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

... he is a good kid, and I love him. His father and I got nice presents for him. He doesn't want a birthday party, because he says they are "lame".
I complimented him on playing nicely and for a long time with his little sibling all this past summer, and gave him a crisp new $bill, for his lovingkindness.
© August 20, 2009 90hazelnut.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

End of school challenges

2009-05-13T11:18:00.000-07:00

Hi friend, thanks for the nice message.

I haven't been getting much mail at gmail lately, so it was fun to see one from you.

I am glad your kid had a good game, even though the team lost.

I am glad if you are okay with the plenty-busy work week. I know you don't exactly believe in idle hands.

My kid's sport is clearly is winding down; after the next two games there will only be playoffs and awards. He is still enjoying his little successes, I believe.

I am approaching the end of school with trepidation. I always psyche myself out beforehand, about how hard the summer schedule is going to be on me. But I think, also, childhood needs downtime with lots of boredom, so I shouldn't worry all the time about being "enriching activity" parent.

My oldest kid is getting braces off right around the end of school. They give a gift pack of previous contraband at the orthodontist's, as a celebration gift.

When do you go to and come from Cooperstown? (A person is allowed an absurd fantasy.)

Well, thanks for reading my piece, as always, friend.

© 20009 (May 13) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

How did you get my email?

2009-05-11T10:36:00.000-07:00

"Salutations", szed Charlotte of Charlotte's Web.

A little while ago, I sent you an email from my account at gmail.com.
That particular account is only for those in my inner sanctum ... my currently less-than-two member (?!) club.

So, that was me.

(I have just started babbling.)

I am feeling scared. I feel so GOOD!!! And it's early in the morning as I type this, yet almost late in the early morning - rather late.

"Oh Lord, help me" - Julie Andrews, Sound of Music. {7 children??? 7 ?!?!}; [Wait, she said the latter earlier, while still in the Abbey. Please forgive the autistic license.]

This good feeling is so totally outside my realm of experience, so I am carefully evaluating all options, before this feeling parks its metaphorical carcass on top of my sweet self. I don't need to pick up any un-life-affirming addictions just now, is about it. What do I really need with a previously unexperienced new taste or habit to do with me/for me?

(My tongue is stuck in my cheek. Would you pull it out, kind sir, metaphorical grandson of Calvin Coolidge?)

Anyway, it was nice to FINALLY (!!!) get the opportunity to write to you. I love writing, and there are books I want to write.

Best wishes for a prosperous New Year [year of the jacka$$]

© 2008 May 11 90hazelnut.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Kanye West "Stronger" lyrics, as heard and mangled by 90hazelnut

2008-11-19T08:30:00.003-08:00

(Work it, make it, do it,
Makes us longer, better, faster, stronger ) [played throughout]
(Work it harder make it better,
Do it faster makes us stronger,
More than ever, hour after
Our work is never over] [played throughout]
N-n-now th-that that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can't get much stronger
Man I been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on ya
I need ya right now
I need ya right now
Let's get lost tonight
You could be my black Kate Moss tonight
Play secretary, I'm the boss tonight.
And you don't give a f**k what they all say, right?
Awesome, the Christian in Christian Dior
Damn they don't make 'em like this anymore
I ask, cause I'm not sure
Do anybody make real S anymore?
Bow in the presence of greatness
'Cause right now thou has forsaken us
You should be honored by my lateness
That I would even show up to this fake shit
So go ahead go nuts, go ape shit
Especially in my pastel, all my babe shit
Act like you can't tell who made this
New gospel homey take six, and take this, haters
N-n-now th-that that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
'Cause I can't get much stronger
Man I been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on ya
I need ya right now
I need (Me like-ee) ya right now
I don't know if you got a man or not
If you made plans or not
If God put me in your plans or not
I'm trippin', this drink got me sayin' a lot
But I know that God put you in front of me
So how the hell could you front on me
There's a thousand yous
There's only one of me
I'm trippin', I'm caught up in the moment right?
'Cause it's Louis Vuitton Don night
So we goin' do everything that Kan like
Heard they'd do anything for a Klondike
Well I'd do anything for a blond dyke
And she'll do anything for the limelight
And we'll do anything when the time's right
Uh, baby you're makin' it
(Harder, better, faster, stronger) oh
Now, Th-that that don't kill me (oh)
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can't get much stronger
Man I been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on ya
I need ya right now
I need ya right now
You know how long I've been on ya?
Since prince was on Apollonia
Since OJ had Isotoners
Don't act like I never told ya [x5]
Uh, baby you're makin' it
(longer, better, faster, stronger)
N-n-now th-that that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
'cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
'cause I can't get much stronger
Man I been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on ya
I need ya right now
I need ya right now
I need ya right now
I need ya right now
Never over [x7]

© 2008 (November 19) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Linkin Park "What I've done" lyrics (mangled)

2008-11-18T19:04:00.000-08:00

Title: Linkin Park "What I've done" lyrics (mangled)

In this farewell, there’s no blood, there’s no alibi
'Cause I’ve drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies
So let mercy come - and wash away… what I’ve done.
I’ll face myself to cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself and let go of what I've done.
Put to rest what you thought of me.
While I clean this slate with the hands of uncertainty.
So let mercy come and wash away…
What I’ve done.
I’ll face myself to cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself and let go of what I've done.
For What I’ve done I start again - and whatever pain may come.
Today this ends; I’m forgiving what I’ve done.
I’ll face myself - to cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself, and let go of what I’ve done.
(Na na na, na na na,na na na na, na na na na, etc.)
What I’ve done
Forgiving What I’ve done
(Na na na na, na na na na, na na na na, na na na na)
Forgiving What I've done

Federal Governmal, or Govern-Malathion, or Federal Govern via Malathion or Similar (FG-MoS)

2008-10-05T12:29:00.001-07:00

Title: Federal Governmal, or Govern-Malathion, or Federal Govern via Malathion or Similar (FG-MoS)
Link: [extant]
Key words: 90hazelnut fictional email to lordorlando, carbonic acid, angel dust, California lifestyle, Federal Governmal, Federal Govern by Malathion Or Similar, Govern-Malathion, parathion, PCP, Santa Cruz

"Federal Governmal", as defined by 90hazelnut and Lord Orlando, is the bad or improper governing of the People by the agencies that are Supposed To Be Watching and Protecting the Masses.

No Wait - Let's rename it "Govern-Malathion". Government by Malathion against the people - or by whatever current neurotoxic agent they are now spraying on our agriculture and our non-agricultural plants.

I very humbly and respectfully ask for a minute - [an hour?!] - of your time - on Monday morning?

No weapons - no threats - soft words - respect - humility - remorse. (At least, that's what I'll bring to the table.)

You were absolutely spot-on about quite a few things, that I was too ignorant and green to see. I still want to, and must, thank you for the advanced training in partly-unseen threats against my life on the mean streets.

Even if we never speak again, I just wanted to try to make amends for, or at least apologize for, like 95% of my asshole behavior during the month of September 2008.

At Saturday night at around 9:30, while in the shower, I had something like a "cleansing moment" and a lightning-flash realization, and I next came to believe that throughout September 2008, I have been repeatedly dosed with PCP, acid, or maybe something like parathion (anti-pot-growth spray-on neorotoxic anti-agricultural agent used by local Santa Cruz-area federales and agricultural attached agencies against the growth and productivity of 420). I got this way Only by repeated hiking through the hills and redwoods near Santa Cruz!!!

I like to stomp up and down the hills for fitness training - should I Really have to pay for that desire, through my getting an acquired neurological disorder? I think not!!! I think someone, or some agency, should be made to pay for my time and inconvenience and health bills, and said government agency or agricultural agency should be made to stop spraying weeds with toxic chemicals. On all levels: How do these F-ing anti-weed chemicals leach into our drinking water - the same water that we are pretty sure that cows haven't urinated into, because it's up a burly, densely tree-populated slope? These slopes are Not out of simple range of helicopters and agricultural Cessnas.

I would respectfully ask you to consider a 9:00 a..m. business meeting, for 1 minute to 1 hour (?) of your time, and perhaps the time of a few of your most-trusted associates who haven't hosed you yet and who think may work well on your team. I believe I May be on to something F-ing huge here.

If you never speak to me again, I want to give you and your boys a potentially massively huge class-action suit against the Federal government. You could possibly take this one all the way to the Supreme Court, if you guys wanted your Kato Kaelin 15 minutes of fame (O.J. Simpson camp attaché in 1994) - or you could stop at the city or state level, after you got your 15 acres of redwooded hillside awarded to you by the local government agency with the deepest pockets ...

... to pay you for the lack of your health through the repeated exposure to neurotoxins by having to camp among parathion-sprayed weeds (and the smoking of parathion-drenched
Weed?! That's a whole 'nuther story!!!)

Too bad the government has no money, and almost never pays ... You might all get your 15 minutes of fame and a comfortable living out of it, still ...

Maybe you guys would rather keep me out of it - and maybe that's the way you want to go - so you could meet at the law library sometime, independent of me, and start mapping out your legal strategies. You have a fine mind, drive and determination, and Can of course easily do that. But I also have a fine mind, and a Very Different skill set than the one you possess - though I have to admit I have lesser interest in this matter than you guys might, and I just really wanted to throw a potentially big bone your way, out of respect for who you and your friends are, and how you live your lives.

I'd like to think I would have been even More respectful to you, and humble and kind-hearted towards you, had I not been dosed repeatedly with some form of neurotoxin or some party chemical that I didn't know about. I Think I know the source, in my case, and I wish to F that I could have heard what you were trying to tell me at the time ... but I didn't ... oh well, F me.

Trust and respect, and have the best F-ing life ever,

I wish you much health and contentment,

90hazelnut

© 2008 (October 5) 90hazelnut All Rights Reserved.

Genesis "Me and Sarah Jane" lyrics - I played this one in the car tonight, too

2008-08-15T22:49:00.001-07:00

Title: Genesis "Me and Sarah Jane" lyrics - I played this one in the car tonight, too
Link: http://music.yahoo.com
Key words: Genesis, Gracenote, Me, music, Sarah Jane, Yahoo!

Genesis Lyrics: Me and Sarah Jane
"Abacab" album, Songwriter: Banks, Anthony, Label: Atlantic, Genres: Rock, Pop

The fires are burning, ooh, in another land
But don't start counting, no, don't start counting
Colder, colder, the ice is moving closer and it gets me down
Going 'round and 'round and down the same old track
With a pack on my back
I'm going swiftly nowhere
A heart in my ear beating like a drum
Where will you go?

All by yourself - Ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha

And now I'm standing on the corner
I'm waiting in the rain
And then in sunlight without warning
I invent a name

Me and Sarah Jane
We had a special thing going
Me and Sarah Jane

It was a time of love and laughter
It wouldn't have come again
We had our round of joy but after
And then began the pain

Me and Sarah Jane
We had a special thing going
Me and Sarah Jane
Sarah Jane

Searching for a clue
Traces on the sand

First I'm flying, going round, round, round
Then I'm sliding going down, down, down
It doesn't matter where I start, I always end up
Falling through those same old crowded rooms

Me and Sarah Jane
We had it coming all the pain
Walking down the streets
And finding nothing is the same

Oh, now the city lights
They're dimming one by one
It costs us too much money
To keep them all on

Me and Sarah Jane
In silence walk along the shore
Tears of joy and mocking laughter
Words lost in the wind

The tide was rising
But there we stayed
We had no fear of dying
We weren't afraid no no, no no, oh no

© HIT & RUN MUSIC PUBLISHING INC., Lyrics provided by Gracenote.

Copyright © 2008 Yahoo! Inc. All Rights Reserved

© (August 15) 90hazelnut All Rights Reserved.

Mein Vater hätte es gesagt ...

2008-08-14T18:01:00.000-07:00

Title of this post: Mein Vater hätte es gesagt ...
Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veni,_vidi,_vici
Key words: 90hazelnut, babelfish, colloquially correct, I came, I conquered, I saw, ich eroberte, ich kam, ich sah, puns, punster dot com, veni, vici, vidi

"Ich sah, ich eroberte, ich kam."

Now, English speakers, run this through the babelfish German to English translator, and you get [~I have already corrected into more colloquially correct English~ -90hazelnut]:

My father would have said, " I saw, I conquered, I came."

© 2008 90hazelnut All Rights Reserved, Alle Rechte Vorbehalten, Minden Jog Fenntartva, Tous Doigts Réservés, Tous Doits Réservés.

Thracian chariot discovered in Bulgaria

2008-08-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

Bulgarian archaeologists discover 1,900-year-old chariot, by VESELIN TOSHKOV, Associated Press Writer, 5:25 AM PDT, August 7, 2008. SOFIA, Bulgaria (AP).

"Archaeologists have unearthed a 1,900-year-old well-preserved chariot at an ancient Thracian tomb in southeastern Bulgaria, the head of the excavation said Thursday."

"Daniela Agre said her team found the four-wheel chariot during excavations near the village of Borisovo, around 180 miles east of the capital, Sofia."

" 'This is the first time that we have found a completely preserved chariot in Bulgaria,' said Agre, a senior archaeologist at the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences."

"She said previous excavations had only unearthed single parts of chariots — often because ancients sites had been looted."

"At the funerary mound, the team also discovered table pottery, glass vessels and other gifts for the funeral of a wealthy Thracian aristocrat."

"In a separate pit, they unearthed skeletons of two riding horses apparently sacrificed during the funeral of the nobleman, along with well preserved bronze and leather objects, some believed to horse harnesses."

"The Culture Ministry confirmed the find and announced $3,900 in financial assistance for Agre's excavation." ~Wow, $3900.~

"Agre said an additional amount of $7,800 will be allocated by the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences for an initial restoration and conservation of the chariot and the other Thracian finds."

"The Thracians were an ancient people that inhabited the lands of present day Bulgaria and parts of modern Greece, Turkey, Macedonia and Romania between 4,000 B.C. and the 6th century, when they were assimilated by the invading Slavs."

"Some 10,000 Thracian mounds — some of them covering monumental stone tombs — are scattered across Bulgaria."

Vera Christiane Felscherinow: 90hazelnut role model

2008-07-31T20:02:00.000-07:00

Vera Christiane Felscherinow (20 Mai 1962, Hamburg) wurde als jugendliche Drogenabhängige zu einem Symbol für einen sozialen Brennpunkt der deutschen Gesellschaft. Sie wurde der deutschen Öffentlichkeit gegen Ende der "1970" er Jahre durch eine Reportage und ein begleitendes Buch der Zeitschrift Stern unter der abgekürzten Namensform „Christiane F.“ (Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo) bekannt.

Christiane Felscherinow wuchs in einer durch den alkoholabhängigen Vater geprägten Familie auf. Als sie sechs Jahre alt war, zog die Familie nach Berlin in ein Hochhaus in die Neuköllner Gropiusstadt.

Auch nach der Scheidung der Eltern besserte sich ihre soziale Situation nur bedingt. Bereits im Alter von zwölf Jahren konsumierte sie Drogen, was zu einer Drogenabhängigkeit führte.

Mit 14 Jahren war sie heroinabhängig und prostituierte sich auf dem Kinderstrich an der Kurfürstenstraße und am Bahnhof Zoo. Ihre Mutter bemerkte erst nach zwei Jahren etwas von dem Doppelleben ihrer Tochter.

1978 sagte Felscherinow in einem Prozess als Zeugin aus. Die beiden Stern-Reporter Kai Hermann und Horst Rieck wurden auf sie aufmerksam und baten sie um ein Gespräch über die Drogenszene. Aus dem Gespräch wurden zwei Monate Recherche, in denen das Buch Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo entstand: ein autobiographisches Werk, durch das die Öffentlichkeit erstmals etwas über den Alltag der Drogenszene und den Teufelskreis aus persönlichen Nöten und Drogensucht erfuhr. Das Buch wurde 1981 von dem Regisseur Uli Edel mit Natja Brunckhorst in der Hauptrolle unter dem Titel Christiane F. – Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo verfilmt.

Zwischen 1981 und 1983 versuchte Felscherinow mit Unterstützung ihres damaligen Lebensgefährten Alexander Hacke eine Karriere als Sängerin und Filmschauspielerin zu starten, teilweise unter dem Namen „Christiane F.“, teilweise unter dem Künstlernamen „Christiana“. Zusammen mit Hacke trat sie als Musikduo unter dem Namen Sentimentale Jugend auf, unter anderem beim Festival Genialer Dilletanten im September 1981 in Berlin. 1982 nahm sie als Solosängerin einige Schallplatten im Stil der Neuen Deutschen Welle auf. Hauptrollen spielte sie in den Filmen Neonstadt (1981, unter anderem neben Charles Brauer, Barbara Freier, Lisa Kreuzer, Michaela May, Billie Zöckler) und Decoder (1983). Im Herbst 1983 nahm sie an einer Promotionstour für den Film Christiane F. – Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo durch die USA teil. Dabei offenbarte sie erstmals ihren vollständigen Namen.

Von 1987 bis 1993 lebte Felscherinow in Griechenland. Derzeit wohnt sie mit ihrem Sohn (1996) in einem kleinen Ort in Brandenburg. Von Zeit zu Zeit tritt sie mit Presseinterviews an die Öffentlichkeit.

Wunderbar - Der Tod holt mich ein (Single, mit Alexander Hacke von Einstürzende Neubauten, 1982, Posh Boy Records/USA)
Gesundheit (EP, 1982, Posh Boy Records/USA). CHRISTIANA – Final Church (Maxi-Single, 1982, Supermax Schallplatten/West Germany). Wunderbar – Health Dub (Maxi-Single, 2003, Playhouse Records/Germany). Neonstadt (1981/82), Regie: Wolfgang Büld, Decoder (1983/84), Regie: „Muscha“, Christiane F. (Dokumentarfilm Radio Bremen 1983), Christiane F. (Dokumentarfilm Spiegel-TV 1996). Die Grosse Untergangsshow – Festival Genialer Dilletanten – Berlin Tempodrom, 4. September 1981. Vinyl on Demand Friedrichshafen 2005 (Medienkombination, bestehend aus DVD, CD, 2 LP) Berlin Super 80 Music & Film Underground West Berlin 1978–1984, feat. music by Malaria, Christiane F., Die Tödliche Doris, Einstürzende Neubauten and others. Concept & Realisation Toni Schifer, Rolf S. Wolkenstein. Monitorpop Entertainment, Berlin 2005. (Medienkombination, bestehend aus DVD, Audio-CD und Buch.) Christiane F. – Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo (BRD 1980/81), Regie: Uli Edel, mit Natja Brunckhorst als Christiane F. Literatur. Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo / Christiane F. Nach Tonbandprotokollen aufgeschrieben von Kai Hermann und Horst Rieck. Vorwort von Horst E. Richter. Gruner und Jahr, Hamburg 1978 (46. A. 2004), ISBN 3-570-02391-5 Wolfgang Müller (Hg.): Geniale Dilletanten. Merve, Berlin 1982, ISBN 3-883-96021-7 Wolfgang Müller: „Zugsüchtig“. Interview mit Christiane F. in: Die allerschönsten Interviews. Martin Schmitz Verlag, Kassel 1989, ISBN 3-927795-00-3.Neuere Interviews: B.Z. Berlin 9.–12. 7. 2005, Berliner Morgenpost 27. 5. 2006, Rheinischer Merkur 8. 6. 2006, Frankfurter Rundschau 17.6.2006, Kölner Stadt-Anzeiger 17./18.6.2006.

Literatur von und über Christiane Felscherinow im Katalog der Deutschen Nationalbibliothek Christiane Felscherinow in der Internet Movie Database (englisch). Philipp Eppelsheim: Auf mir lastet ein Fluch. In: FAZ, 3. März 2008.

© 2008 Wikipedia All Rights Reserved.
© 2008 (July 31) 90hazelnut All Rights Reserved.

Geschnetzeltes!

2008-07-31T16:59:00.000-07:00

... mit Rösti!

"Im Restaurant-Bar «Glogge Egge» stehen Ihnen diverse kleine Mahlzeiten sowie der Saison angepasste Tages- und Wochenspezialitäten zur Verfügung."

"In unserer trendigen Bar fühlen sich internationale Kundschaft und Gäste aus nächster Umgebung wohl - ein beliebter Treffpunkt für einen Aperitif oder einen Schlummertrunk. Unsere vielfältige Cocktailkarte lässt keine Wünsche offen!"

"Im Sommer lädt unser Gartenrestaurant im Innenhof - eine Oase der Ruhe mitten in der Stadt - zum Verweilen und Entspannen ein."

"Für geschäftliche und gesellschaftliche Anlässe bieten wir Räumlichkeiten für 6 bis 150 Personen. Verlangen Sie unsere speziell kreierten Menüvorschläge."

Best Western Premier Hotel Glockenhof, Sihlstrasse 31, Postfach CH-8022 Zürich. Tel. +41 44 225 91 91,
Fax +41 44 225 92 92, e-mail: info@glockenhof.ch

© 2008 (July 31) 90hazelnut All Rights Reserved.

English speakers, let's figure out the meaning of this word "Kohlensäure" we hear in Germanic Restaurants

2008-07-31T09:22:00.001-07:00

Title: English speakers, let's figure out the meaning of this word "Kohlensäure" we hear in Germanic Restaurants -while knowing virtually no German - just using our common sense.

Link: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Kohlensäure
Key words: 90hazelnut, carbonic acid, Kohlensäure

Kohl might mean coal. Pure coal is pure elemental carbon.
Säure sounds a bit like "zoy-re"; what could that signify?
Hey, I've also heard the word "saur" in this restaurant, which sounds a bit like "zower" - are they related?
Why would someone say "saur" at a restaurant? Does something taste "sour", perhaps?
Acidic drinks like wine may taste acidic, as may some bubbly waters and some salad dressings.
Coal sour, coal acid, carbon sour, carbon acid ... -> carbonic acid

© 2008 (July 31) 90hazelnut All Rights Reserved.

Bilder aus der Hölle - I now consider myself a Sole Operator, Soul Proprietress

2008-07-30T00:10:00.001-07:00

Title: Bilder aus der Hölle
Link: http://www.triumvirat.net/spartacus.htm
Key words: 90hazelnut, Bilder, Hölle, sole operator, soul proprietor, Spartacus, Triumvirat,

~As of July 29, 2008, I declare myself a complete and total Sole Operator! Metaphorically, anyway.~
~Who TF could ever care for my concerns as much as I do? No one, no one, no one - it is obvious.~
~Then again, I also recognize that each person bears responsibility for their own happiness and survival.~

~Two days ago, I did 30 minutes of underwater survival training, with myself only. I hope for that edge - that when near-certain death seems only seconds away, you might be able to wring a few more seconds out of your life by doing This. Or That. As a relative water novice and neophyte, I thought about the mechanics of air- and water-flow through a hollow tube, and I think I figured out one useful thing I could do when my airway is filling with water and I'm starting to choke - if I have the presence of mind at the time.~

~I took my practice bout pretty far, but I'm fine - I didn't drown.~

"The School of Instant Pain" by Triumvirat, off their Spartacus album.

I'll be your guide, so join me and fight - to break down the walls that keep us in this misery. I'll be your friend, believe in the end, we built up a new and better land.

I've been trained to kill a man, with a sword, a spear, or with my hand. As nature built me big and strong - the gladiator's song.

We're kept like animals in a cage - they pay for it to see the rage. Their kicks have become stale and dry; they get excited when we die.

Our life, it is not meant to last - the arms so strong, the eyes so fast. We're putting on a special show and selling out the big front row.

There is no chance of getting free; it's good-bye for eternity, and death is near; it won't take long - the gladiator's song.

Get ready now, this is your next fight, Mensch - Don't think too much about yourself. Last night you told me that you can't go on - You have no choice, you go to hell.

You said - the moments - you enjoyed your life; they seemed to fade away so fast. And when you felt that you had found a friend, you knew for sure it wouldn't last.

I know these people in the audience; they want the show to be on time. Don't hesitate; I ring my special bell, and you know that's my starting sign.

So draw your knife, go out and take your chance, and show these folks your bravery. And if you manage to come back alive: Tomorrow's Big fight is at three!

~Now I'm thinking of that saying, "Cheat/fool me once; shame on you - cheat/fool me twice; shame on Me!~
~Dummy (!), 90hazelnut!~

© 1975 Triumvirat All Rights Reserved.
© 2008 (July 30) 90hazelnut All Rights Reserved.

Is 90hazelnut on the way to becoming a secret cougar?!

2008-07-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

Title: Is 90hazelnut on the way to becoming a secret cougar?!
[Future voter poll in the works?! Huh ...]
Link: http://www.hotornot.com
Key words: 90hazelnut fictional email to Blue Sky, California lifestyle, cougar, San Jose, Talbot's

Hi! After sending the 2 photos of me next to my new car last night, I realized I looked quite frumpy in them. I realized I should give away those unflattering loose cotton white pants, at least.

So I had my spouse take a new photo of me this morning. I weigh 122 pounds right now, but I guess it looks frumpy on me. I always weighed 116-118 for many of my younger adult years in a row (excepting pregnancies), and I even got a little under that for some years, while nursing and chasing toddlers. But now, I have a little extra loose tummy skin and slightest extra weight there, ehh. I had a doctor who told me - after I complained about that - that I looked better, heavier - more like a mother should look. But I reject that! - I ultimately reject that for myself - and I hated hearing that I looked more like a mother should look. I was slightly insulted, but "swallowed" it; I just let it pass, and brooded on it for 36 months.

I am back in my size 6s like a woman of my build and height should be. Linda, our Philippina friend who lived with us for February and part of March 2008, told me that women of our heights and builds shouldn't let ourselves get to size 8s - as I was giving her some of my fine-condition size 6 timeless Talbots outfits that I hadn't worn in a few years! But she said it in a nice and humorous way - and framed in a story about someone else - yeah right, I caught the little tip, Linda, and am finally glad to be back in the 6, yes.

In fact, the 5 of us went to our local San Jose mall on July 26, and I hit the year-end clearance sale at Talbot's, my favorite store (supplying timeless classics that you can get at $reasonable price$ at their sales events) - and I'd like to think I looked a bit good for a woman my age carrying only 5 extra pounds - in clingy silk dresses appropriate for the high-taste Bahnhofstrasse. Actually, my spouse "made me go" to the brick-and-mortar Talbot's because I would keep calling him on it, when he would repeatedly grouse at all of us for falling short of the *Fine Norwegian family name* ideal comportment required of immediate family members. I said, stop being unpleasant to your family over picayune points, and get a grip; we are all still basically okay. Anyway, I returned from Talbot's in much happier of a mood, with a big smile on my face, and none of us the poorer (I already Have Talbot's timeless classics in my closet which still work for me on the Kurfurstendam). I then vacuumed up [with my mouth] K2's Mexican beany leftovers, since they were all eating dinner and I hadn't ordered anything. BTW, I eat a lot less meat these days, and I think that will ultimately help my figure, and my health. I went into Talbot's thinking myself a frump, and came back out thinking of myself as a bit of a middle-aged cougar; how much is That worth?!

So anyway, this morning I told my spouse I would be grateful for a side view picture of myself; could he please take one for me, so that in seeing an image of myself, I might actually get inspired to tone myself and maybe lose 5 pounds. I'm apparently still in the middle of the "small-boned" weight range recommended for women my height, but I still think I could do a bit better.

Should I send weekly update photos? ;-)

Just playing around a little with ya! ;-) Funnin' ya.

I am not that cheerful, fun-loving person you think of me as - I am very much of a hard-A uptight sucess-oriented person in many of the situations of my life - but I can still get to fun-loving and playful some of the time. ;-)

Love to love you and to fun you! :-)

© 2008 (July 27) 90hazelnut All Rights Reserved.

90hazelnut dot blogspot dot com is conspicuous via blending-in

2008-07-06T12:25:00.000-07:00

Title: 90hazelnut dot blogspot dot com is conspicuous via blending-in

Key words: blending in, body language, F.B.I., John Gotti, surveillance

FBI Surveillance Team Reveals Tricks Of The Trade, by Dina Temple-Raston, July 6, 2008

Weekend Edition Saturday, July 5, 2008 · The FBI has an entire army of people whose sole job is to do surveillance. Whether they are tracking a terrorist suspect or mobster or potential spy, the secret isn't about being a master of disguise. Instead, it is all about blending in.

Turn on any cop show, and the surveillance always seems pretty straightforward. There are always a couple of guys in a van and maybe another two in a car outside some apartment building. But the truth is, real surveillance is much more subtle.

The Special Agent-in-Charge of the Special Operations Division of the FBI in New York is Todd Letcher. He says if his team is doing the job right, you won't even know they are there. "When a target comes out of the bodega with a cup of coffee, they don't see where we are, or they don't see our people," he said. "Our people look so ordinary, they just look over them."

So, for example, that guy with the flat-top haircut who looks like a cop could be one of the people following you. In fact, there are some scenarios in which the FBI wants you to think he's actually following you. But what you probably won't see is the roster of other people who are with him. Those people, the members of the FBI's Special Surveillance Group team, or SSGs, operate just below the radar — and that is where they are most effective.

When I met three SSGs in New York City recently, they would only talk to me under the strictest conditions. I had to promise not only to not use their names, but they didn't even want me to describe them either. They say that might compromise their mission. And their mission is to gather intelligence for the FBI.

Once the ground rules were set, the trio — Tango, Bravo and Poppa, for our purposes — and their supervisor in charge, Charlie Muldoon, agreed to demonstrate how to follow someone in lower Manhattan.

"First of all, you would spread out," Muldoon says, waving his arms around. "You wouldn't stand in a parade behind the guy."

And, he says, you'd have a team dressed for the occasion. SSGs carry entire wardrobes in their cars — a business suit in case they need to go to Wall Street, gym shorts in case surveillance requires them to go for a jog through Central Park.

Muldoon says he has some SSGs who travel with a bicycle in their trunk so that at a moment's notice they could ride through the streets of New York pretending to be a messenger. "They are prepared for anything," he says.

I pick out an unsuspecting Manhattanite and ask Bravo how they would start.

"We usually key on something, whether a bright color she has on or a particular item that might be unique," Bravo says. "We relay that to other team members so they can see her when she comes to the next corner, so they would be able to identify her."

Poppa chimes in. He says the team would set up some sort of "picket surveillance" in the surrounding area.

A picket surveillance would have the team covering all the subway entrances. They would be stationed at various corners. Bravo, who has been doing this for seven years, says the team would radio ahead with information.

SSGs have all kinds of techniques, and they all have catchy names like Picket and Web or Leapfrog. Leapfrog is kind of what it sounds like: SSGs will follow a target up to a certain point, then pass him off to another group up ahead, and then leapfrog to pick up the surveillance farther down the street.

When operating under Leapfrog surveillance, Tango says, they would be telling the people ahead that the target was coming up to them. "They should be telling us the next movement, so you don't have to run and pullback, and run and pullback," she says. "That's kind of obvious, especially if there is a possibility that someone could be watching you from the rear."

That kind of countersurveillance happened all the time during the Cold War. Tango was a member of one of the first SSG teams. They began as an FBI experiment in New York City in the 1970s. The pilot project was so successful that it went nationwide. Back then, it was all spycraft, like out of the movies.

"Some days it was really like war," Tango recalls. "Push them off the road if you have to, don't let them through the tollbooth. Other days you were right in their shoes practically, making sure they didn't meet the other person they were handling."

Robert Hanssen — the former FBI official who spied for the Soviet Union and Russia against the U.S. for more than 20 years — may be the most famous case the SSGs have handled.

"I think the Hanssen case probably and the movie Breach really, for the first time that I can recall, highlighted what the special surveillance group does," Letcher says.

In the movie, a young wannabe FBI agent begins following Hanssen around. He has no idea that Hanssen is a spy. He also has no idea he is in the middle of one of the biggest cases the FBI had ever run.

The SSGs are often in the middle of the FBI's biggest cases. And Tango says that's what has really changed since the Cold War. Now, the surveillance requires more political savvy, more finesse.

"Every day you just get a little piece of the puzzle; you don't have to get the puzzle all in one day," Tango says. "It's like something builds up to a very long story, if you will, like a soap opera more so as opposed to a cut-and-dry short story. ... And you build on it every single day."

And because it is a drip, drip, drip information operation, the SSGs end up learning a lot about the people they are following. Before Charlie Muldoon was supervising the SSGs in New York, he was doing surveillance on mobster John Gotti. He says he could read him like a book.

"You could just tell by his body language whether he was surveillance-conscious," Muldoon says. "You could just tell by his body language and the way people related to him whether he was in the middle of a crisis."

That's an important piece of information if you are working with the FBI trying to avert a future bank robbery, or even terrorist attack.

"John Gotti's tell was that when he used to get mad, he used to talk a lot more with his hands; he used to be very very physical with his hands," Muldoon says.

Once Tango, Bravo and Poppa had finished with the interview, I was determined to keep an eye on them as long as I could. I even followed them for a bit, trying to use what I had learned. Within minutes, I lost them in the crowd.

Copyright 2008 NPR
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