A couple had only been married for 2 weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: German, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop ... but at the bar ... you know ... they have frozen glasses ..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious ... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise ... OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and port strips.
"But my sweety honey ... at the bar ... you know, there's swearing, dirty words and all that ..."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? "LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR FRICKING HORS D'OEUVRES, BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A FRICKING BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER ... GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"
... and they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?
© 2010 (November 26) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
20101123 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach
... by not being my active Facebook friend.
Actually you Are my FB friend, with only your fictitious birthdate for information.
(What does that date refer to?)
[You once indicated that you forgot the password for that account.]
Anyway, this morning so far I posted this:
"I sometimes feel I don't quite get it when people tell me, 'At least you have your kids'. I love my kids, but my having kids is independent of the statement I just issued. Therefore it does not compute. I barely know what to answer. I know by experience that it's my role to then give a gentle smile and say 'Of course you're right, and we're all healthy', so that's what I do. But it's little reactions of mine like this that cause me to think I am a little bit on the autistic end. Low in EQ, I suppose. Yet I survive."
This is what bored or lonely people do, when they want some down time - spend time on Facebook. I try to minimize the time I waste at FB - it's not all wasted - some is good friendship and fellowshipping.
This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.
© 2010 (November 23) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.
Actually you Are my FB friend, with only your fictitious birthdate for information.
(What does that date refer to?)
[You once indicated that you forgot the password for that account.]
Anyway, this morning so far I posted this:
"I sometimes feel I don't quite get it when people tell me, 'At least you have your kids'. I love my kids, but my having kids is independent of the statement I just issued. Therefore it does not compute. I barely know what to answer. I know by experience that it's my role to then give a gentle smile and say 'Of course you're right, and we're all healthy', so that's what I do. But it's little reactions of mine like this that cause me to think I am a little bit on the autistic end. Low in EQ, I suppose. Yet I survive."
This is what bored or lonely people do, when they want some down time - spend time on Facebook. I try to minimize the time I waste at FB - it's not all wasted - some is good friendship and fellowshipping.
This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.
© 2010 (November 23) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
20101116 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach
Hi All Peach, thanks for your nice email of yesterday, and also, your telephone attempt and your texting. My phone was lurking in my gym bag for a few hours until I realized I didn't have it.
We got K1's high school parking permit for MY car yesterday - that involved filling out forms and paying $25 per year. Seniors have to pay by the semester, because they have a lottery for limited better parking each semester. Then we had to go to our insurance agent for an hour and watch a safe driving video for half an hour (we saw/heard gory teenage accident footage and stories, told by teen survivors - not actual mechanics-of-driving tips) and she had to read a booklet and take a test that took a half hour. This entitled us to get an insurance discount.
K3 has play practice today. In this year's play, she has quite a number of speaking lines - also singing and dancing, etc. She is loving it, and she is still loving the martial arts - but she didn't go yesterday, because for some reason she can't tolerate the Monday class (she won't tell me why - I don't notice anything different about it). Maybe on Monday a kid comes, who she doesn't really care for, or something. Anyway, she'll still be going maybe double the minimum they ask, so I'm fine with her vetoing a specific day each week. She is good about taking the Monday class if there are too many play rehearsals calling for her character to be in attendance, on the other weekdays.
K2 is doing nothing except playing Call of Duty - ha ha. He does his homework and gets straight As. He procrastinates starting his homework until mid evening, like his older sister gets away with. He also goes on Facebook somewhat, and I heard him telling K1 his [large] number of friends. I don't think he's sucked into FB anywhere nearly as bad as the high school girls. (Yet?!) He does well in his PE classes, but nothing more. I keep inviting him to my gym for either cardio or weights. He tricks me sometimes and says he's finally psyched to start at the southwest YMCA, so he'll be ready for spring Pony - then he'll change his mind again. I actually believe he doesn't mean to deceive me, but he lets himself get psyched out by his perceived inadequacies.
I am so tired. I've been trying to work out every day of November except Thanksgiving - well, weights, for sure. I'll give myself days off, or easy days, in cardio - because my knees, etc., develop built-up pain and tiredness. I also haven't been sleeping much - 3 hours at a time for the past half week, and not much more than that, usually. I have the opportunity to sleep, but my mind won't let itself relax, or something. I hope you've been getting enough sleep. I know you often skimp on the sleep you need, in favor of the boys' needs, work, etc.
All my love, 90hazelnut
This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.
© 2010 (November 16) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.
We got K1's high school parking permit for MY car yesterday - that involved filling out forms and paying $25 per year. Seniors have to pay by the semester, because they have a lottery for limited better parking each semester. Then we had to go to our insurance agent for an hour and watch a safe driving video for half an hour (we saw/heard gory teenage accident footage and stories, told by teen survivors - not actual mechanics-of-driving tips) and she had to read a booklet and take a test that took a half hour. This entitled us to get an insurance discount.
K3 has play practice today. In this year's play, she has quite a number of speaking lines - also singing and dancing, etc. She is loving it, and she is still loving the martial arts - but she didn't go yesterday, because for some reason she can't tolerate the Monday class (she won't tell me why - I don't notice anything different about it). Maybe on Monday a kid comes, who she doesn't really care for, or something. Anyway, she'll still be going maybe double the minimum they ask, so I'm fine with her vetoing a specific day each week. She is good about taking the Monday class if there are too many play rehearsals calling for her character to be in attendance, on the other weekdays.
K2 is doing nothing except playing Call of Duty - ha ha. He does his homework and gets straight As. He procrastinates starting his homework until mid evening, like his older sister gets away with. He also goes on Facebook somewhat, and I heard him telling K1 his [large] number of friends. I don't think he's sucked into FB anywhere nearly as bad as the high school girls. (Yet?!) He does well in his PE classes, but nothing more. I keep inviting him to my gym for either cardio or weights. He tricks me sometimes and says he's finally psyched to start at the southwest YMCA, so he'll be ready for spring Pony - then he'll change his mind again. I actually believe he doesn't mean to deceive me, but he lets himself get psyched out by his perceived inadequacies.
I am so tired. I've been trying to work out every day of November except Thanksgiving - well, weights, for sure. I'll give myself days off, or easy days, in cardio - because my knees, etc., develop built-up pain and tiredness. I also haven't been sleeping much - 3 hours at a time for the past half week, and not much more than that, usually. I have the opportunity to sleep, but my mind won't let itself relax, or something. I hope you've been getting enough sleep. I know you often skimp on the sleep you need, in favor of the boys' needs, work, etc.
All my love, 90hazelnut
This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.
© 2010 (November 16) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.
20101115 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach
Hi All Peach, it just turned into Monday for me, so I'm writing to wish you a happy week. I can't sleep because my stomach is burning so bad. It was from an Italian dish heavy on acidic tomato and sausage; I was suspecting it was maybe going to be a problem. My spouse made it. But it was tasty, and at least the kids ate it. (We still have significant problems trying to get everyone to eat what is prepared, even with how old they are now.) I almost never have a burning stomach, so I'm not really sure what to do about it.
I haven't been writing much because I'm so sad about my mother's rapid decline. I've just been on a big sad kick. Grieving, I suppose. She was always saying, "That's life" - she still says that. My brother B1 gets sick of hearing her say that. He always says, "No, that's not life - that's effing Death". My mother's boyfriend is after B2 - and of course all of us - to find an assisted living place for her SOON. He thinks there could possibly be some kind of tragedy soon, if she stays at home. Her nausea (and dizziness) is very bad and she has abandoned her lifelong healthy eating; she can only tolerate sweets now. A big shame.
I need a big attitude change - but I'm not sure how to accomplish that. I've tried so many times to change my attitude through positive thinking, etc. Why is it a fight to hold a good attitude, so often? Is that "life"?
"Life is strange - oh yes, but compared to what?" - Steve Forbert
I hope your week is easy. Is it cold there yet? I saw Minneapolis got a significant winter storm by Saturday morning, the 13th, already - pretty early. Take care and lots of love, 90hazelnut
This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.
© 2010 (November 16) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.
I haven't been writing much because I'm so sad about my mother's rapid decline. I've just been on a big sad kick. Grieving, I suppose. She was always saying, "That's life" - she still says that. My brother B1 gets sick of hearing her say that. He always says, "No, that's not life - that's effing Death". My mother's boyfriend is after B2 - and of course all of us - to find an assisted living place for her SOON. He thinks there could possibly be some kind of tragedy soon, if she stays at home. Her nausea (and dizziness) is very bad and she has abandoned her lifelong healthy eating; she can only tolerate sweets now. A big shame.
I need a big attitude change - but I'm not sure how to accomplish that. I've tried so many times to change my attitude through positive thinking, etc. Why is it a fight to hold a good attitude, so often? Is that "life"?
"Life is strange - oh yes, but compared to what?" - Steve Forbert
I hope your week is easy. Is it cold there yet? I saw Minneapolis got a significant winter storm by Saturday morning, the 13th, already - pretty early. Take care and lots of love, 90hazelnut
This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.
© 2010 (November 16) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.
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