recent email

I was glad to get your news. I'm glad you got to see your female relatives, and some others that you hold dear, this past weekend, for Mother's day. It always makes me glad to know your mother continues to do well. I'm glad she's got her fabulous support system of family and friends. My beloved one year old cat is in heart failure. On May 1, he was diagnosed to have hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, which is the most common type of feline heart disease. He could have a sudden death or stroke anytime - or he might be managed well by his new heart meds for a longish time (?). The vet says he is already doing better and responding, now that he's on meds. He is taking a beta-blocker and a diuretic (Lasix). I have come to see my cats as little angels that stay around me for a while - like when I could use some help and some affection. So it helps me to think of cat death as a time when my cat angel gets called to another assignment, somewhere, by someone who needs him more, right then. Someone passed along another comforting thought, about a dying veteran she was working with, at the VA hospital. He had already almost died and had been revived, yet was able to report that he's at peace with his upcoming death, now - as his pets were the first ones to come bounding towards him, at heaven's gate, and behind his pets were his many beloved predeceased relatives. I will continue to think and hope the best about any change in work situation for you - I always do, instinctively. That's because I know that cream rises to the top, and someone somewhere will remember how you've always given your all at work, and they will do right by you, even when push comes to shove. Love, 90hazelnut

Porcupine Tree "Arriving somewhere but not here" lyrics

Porcupine Tree “Arriving somewhere but not here” lyrics

Never stop the car on a drive in the dark
Never look for the truth in your mother’s eyes
Never trust the sound of rain upon a river
rushing through your ears

Arriving somewhere but not here

Did you imagine the final sound as a gun?
Or the smashing windscreen of a car?
Did you ever imagine the last thing you’d hear as you’re fading out was a song?

Arriving somewhere but not here

All of my designs, simplified
And all of my plans, compromised
All of my dreams, sacrificed

Ever had the feeling you’ve been here before?
Drinking down the poison the way you were taught
Every thought from here on in your life begins
And all you knew was wrong

Did you see the red mist block your path?
Did the scissors cut a way to your heart?
Did you feel the envy for the sons of mothers tearing you apart?

Happy Thursday October 6, 2011 from Anna

Hi, happy Thursday! I hope it's an easy and pleasant one for you.
Here we're having a notably rainy day, with times of clearing. K3's whole soccer league had soccer practice cancelled yesterday, so as to not damage the heavily-soggy fields.
I went to a National Merit Scholar breakfast at 7:00 this morning - K1 was honored, along with other recipients. We were told there are around 16,000 other such students in the U.S.A. who have scored well enough on their PSATs (fall of junior year) to get this distinction. It's a pretty special distinction that the kids are told to note in their college applications, yet there are quite a few other bright students around the country that get this.
My spouse was nice enough to let me go to the awards breakfast, since K2 needed to be driven to school halfway through the breakfast, and K3 needed driving to school by the end of the breakfast. We don't have school buses in this town. At the breakfast, I felt a little socially awkward just cooling my heels with the other students and their parents, but I enjoyed listening to the guidance counselors encouraging the kids, asking each kid his specific story. Also, the guidance counselors gave good reminders of when the kids should be doing what - Wow, everything must be completed so early! The dates seem excessively early, but yet this is reality (so wake up and smell the cat food).
I seem to have a significant cold, for how my throat hurts today and the difficulty I'm having with blocked nasal passages. I took one Sudafed and now I'm kind of ... flying - but my nasal passages are open. (I first felt this Sudafed flying feeling at age 10, when a pediatrician recommended/prescribed Sudafed for me. I used to get very swollen tonsils each August like clockwork, as an older child, leading to tonsillectomy at 13.) This cold must be what was making me so bone-weary and sleepy, since the past weekend. Anyway, now that I'm this far along in the developing of the symptoms, I'll probably be feeling a lot better by Saturday. I managed to do 4 workouts between Monday and Thursday anyway, and I met my previous requirements of myself (currently 45 minutes cardio, 45 - 60 minutes weights, because somehow this always adds up to 2 hours when I'm done wandering around and showering, and 2 hours is what I feel I have time for.
On Saturday K3 is performing at St. Mary's fair. I hope it's not still raining; we've had this rain since Monday. We have been going to that Catholic church's autumn fair nearly every year since we've been in CA - this year K3 is performing in it. :-) She is doing Tae Kwon Do demonstrations with a group at Studio Kicks. We only have to show up half an hour before the fair starts - so being in the St. Mary's fair will not be as significant of a time commitment as when one of the kids has marched in the December children's holiday parade; for that one, they all have to line up hours before start time, to be stationed in their right waiting spot, etc.
I had a big cry yesterday - the regular theme - though at least it had been quite a few days. Am trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps now, but the skin under my eyes feels baggy, heavy and tired. A little reminder of my indulgence in crying yesterday. That's okay; it's only for a day (unless I start crying again, which I'm trying fairly hard not to do. I don't want to look sad and old, for others to have to look at).
I really want to see my all my loved ones again - ask them how things turned out for them when they were dying, and shortly thereafter, and what is it like to be in a different form, and can they help me, the newbie (assuming we're all dead when we meet again)? And can we have a few laughs while we're doing so, and some reminiscences, before going on to the next learning experience?
Anyway, these are some of the things in my mind these days.
I hope you and your whole family are well. I think of you all, a lot, and wish you all my best.

Happy Sunday September 4

I hope you and your family have nice days in front of you.
I finally got back to the gym yesterday. I was off exercise a full 14 days due to a condition of mine, sadness. I had it bad. In addition to my "thing to dwell upon", I was also thinking of the September 11 families. People magazine had a spread on September 11 posthumous and young children in their September 12 issue. I almost never can resist buying a People magazine when I pass through an airport. I have to be somewhere on the actual September 11. I'm not in the mood to die in a fiery car crash that day, so I think I'll be flying.
I am of a September 11 family, in a way, in that my nephew was born on that day.
I am now trying to claw my way back out of the pit of despair. Like in the movie "Silence of the Lambs", with some of my favorite actors. For sure, I will exercise today. I always, Always feel better after having exercised, mentally and physically. It's like I've gone through the warm-ups for the day ahead, and the engine is already at a low purr.
Through all this, I feel I have been there for my family - at least most of the time.
That written, I wasn't quite a slacker at the gym yesterday either; I put in 40 minutes of aggressive cardio, and about the same time on weights (single sets). I didn't have to back off my previous weights or reps from 14 days ago, and I don't feel the slightest discomfort today. I had a shower and a nice piece of fish right after my exercise bout, so I could run morning errands before getting back to my family for lunch.
I bought some 5-HTP through the GNC/Rite Aid in our town, and started that yesterday. It's just an amino acid, so what can go wrong. (It's not tryptophan.) I started out very conservatively. No ill effects noted, 18 hours out.
My muscles and mind feel great, too, 24 hours out, probably because They thought I had just given them a Huge rest, for once. Ha ha!
Take care, Anna

Melissa Etheridge Christmas in America lyrics

I picked out a tree
And I tied it to the car
There's a wreath up on our door
Eight tiny reindeer in the yard
I drove under the downtown lights
Red and green and blue
The silver neon snowflakes
Only made me think of you
It's Christmas all around me
You're in someone else's land
So I'm sending out my only wish
Hey Santa, tell the man
Hey mister, send my baby home
This December I don't want to be all alone
Oh, Christmas in America
I need you in my arms
Far away from harm
Mister, send my baby home

I hear someone singing jingle bells
No wait, that's deck the halls
And the teenagers with candy canes
Ramble through the malls
The girls are down at Ruby's
Trying to find some Christmas cheer
There's not much to do but drink too much
When everyday's unclear
So here I am on Christmas eve
This silent holy night
And I reach up to the stars for you
And I pray that you're all right

What happened to the peace on earth
All that goodwill toward men
Oh, come on, all ye faithful!
It's time to think again.

I grieve the murder of Leiby Kletzky

You could watch the 3:21 clip at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R08q2wzGpzk

if you are interested in hearing a beautiful song, "Life is Wonderful". I intend to check out more of Jason Mraz' stuff, when I can.

I have stopped playing Linkin Park, because I just don't feel like it now. Sometimes a song of theirs will shuffle along as I exercise at the gym, and I let it play and enjoy its invigorating aspects. But I don't need to be an "angry disenfranchised white boy done wrong" right now - as motivating as the music might be at the gym. I want to be more in touch with love and wonder, now, as it's apparently All Around me, and all I have to do is open my eyes and reach for it ... I may not reach it, but at least I'll die with my arm pointing in the right direction.

The latest thing on my SO SAD radar is the murder of 8 year old Leiby Kletzky, of a small, tight-knit, protective and peaceful Jewish community in New York City, by another member of its larger Jewish community. I grieve for their community, and for my friends and classmates that are of that community. To my outsider mind, they were trying to achieve their own utopia by creating a safe, peaceful, respectful community. A main reason why a utopia on Earth can never be achieved is that evil lurks within all of us - before our alignment with any society that we think/hope works towards the best. Still, what is there to do, but to keep trying?

I need to apply for professional griever status. They could license me and tax me, and I'd be free to show up at funerals and other events. I am definitely gifted in this area. There must be a reason for it.

© 2011 (July 15) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20110708 partial journal entry

Friday July 8, 2011

It’s just after 8:30 a.m. on Friday morning in the summertime, and I just put in a load of laundry. Tears for my missing deceased kitty Posey still come several times daily. (I woke up at 3:21 a.m. today and the first thing I did is cry a bit for Posey, who I miss so much, and the last thing I did last night at 10:30 p.m. something was to cry for Posey.) Posey was my very frequent laundry room buddy and helper during the past year, so I especially miss her there. I am currently keeping in the laundry room the black igneous “broken heart” shaped rock that I found in the Russian river near Healdsburg on July 4 - as Posey is why my heart is currently broken.

When I was in the laundry room just a few minutes ago, I was recalling how when I was with K2 and K3 and Posey, I would frequently gently stroke Posey over and over, proclaiming, “We have a kitten, we have a kitten, we have a kitten” with an awe-filled voice. (K2 and K3 and I had been calling Posey “the big kitten” since we got younger kitten Oliver on May 14, and since Posey had turned 1 on about May 20.) Since Posey is missing to us now … we don’t have that kitten. So I am sad - heartbroken! I wanted to have loved her for quite many years – but I guess we did love her well for almost her whole life. So … I’m crying again for my kitty who is gone from my arms and purview (purr-view?), but whose body is actually something like only 10 feet from me as I type this now. I failed to protect Posey kitty, which is what I said I’d do when I signed on to care for her for 20+ years – and I’m having trouble forgiving myself and moving on.

The day of her demise, Tuesday June 14, I lied down on the family room sofa in the late morning with a slight headache after leaving the sliding glass door cracked for Posey, since she had been cooped up all morning. Usually we made the morning gardening rounds together, but I had been up since 12:30 a.m. with a headache, and just wanted to lie down for a bit, and maybe even try to doze to make up for some of my missing sleep. I figured Posey would just roll on the warm bricks right outside our family room door and patrol the pollinators on the lavender bush as she usually did. She usually didn’t seem to like to venture far from me, and if I wasn’t outside, she either wasn’t outside or was right outside the family room door or the living room sliding door, looking at the insects. I am so glad I gave Posey a thorough and loving stroking and cooing-to when I returned home from my volunteer commitment at 10:15 a.m.; I really got her purring that morning, good - I specifically recall making a mental note to tell K2 later that I had gotten Posey purring really well this morning. What made her go to the street? (If we can presume a car hit her.) Did she follow me to the mailbox when I checked for the mail around midday? I don’t remember her being there, or checking the mail, but I virtually always check the mail at that time. Did she stay near the street if she shadowed me, and get distracted into the street at the wrong time, or did something scare her and make her bolt into the street? Or did that happen when she was out by the street on her own, when I wasn’t watching her or exactly aware of where she was? – When I was not on guard for the sweet kitten I had signed on to love and nurture and protect. And does it even matter? Now her ions are feeding back into the soil, and she is nourishing the soil, just like some mouse ions were nourishing Posey’s mother, when she was pregnant with Posey roughly a year and a half ago. I put pansy seeds into the soil over Posey’s spot, and I put freshly bloomed jasmine blossoms there, too. I know I love getting my hands into all our soil and always have, so I feel connected to Posey in that way, too, because she is of the soil now. I also feel connected to Posey and all good beasties in being able to recall that I’ve always treated cats well and lovingly, and nurtured them, and given them “my last hamburger” (which my friend Scott once marveled at, but I wasn’t too impressed with, since I knew my next meal was due in only a few hours). I wish I hadn’t teased Scott’s cat Pancho with aluminum foil, which Pancho was very frightened of, but I was very young and stupid then, and I think that was the only time I was mean to a cat. I've always treated dogs very well, too.

We are all destined someday to be has-been corpses, because of the nature of time; it’s just a matter of when. It’s good to know corpses are part of the cycle of nature, too. I Still think it’s neat that there is life.

I have been able to exercise vigorously - but not too much, as I’m sometimes prone to do, in my fit middle-aged arrogance - at the Southwest YMCA this week. Lately since mostly having stopped running again after the Girls on the Run 5k on May 14, I’ve only been doing 30 minutes of vigorous cardio (usually elliptical, sometimes treadmill running 10 minute miles for 15-30 minutes still). My weights go quickly because I’m only doing single sets, and I get them done in not much longer than 30 minutes, these days. Last July, I set new weight records for myself at my gym, and was exercising a lot – and I didn’t even Know Posey kitty existed yet. (Strange to think, there was a Time Before I loved Posey. It feels like I’ve Always loved Posey. I first met her and fell in love with her cute and dear face on August 3, 2010.) Anyway, although I am still working fairly committedly in weights, a lot of the equipment they had last year is gone, which cut my daily weights a lot, and I just haven’t felt called to grow myself a lot in that area, recently. Maybe such progress will come again sometime, or maybe I’ll just maintain the good strength I have now. I AM leg pressing 210 pounds now, after all – 2 sets of 12 because the second set is a calf raise rather than mostly thigh. I do get my heart going hard enough during cardio each time that I can only squeeze out a few words, and I keep that up for 30 minutes, at least, numerous times a week. Anyway. Just trying to stay positive in the way that I can, right now.

By the way: an online definition of “purview”: the extent or range of function, power, or competence; scope; range of vision, comprehension, or experience; outlook.

© 2011 (July 8) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20110618 Facebook reply to grieving friend

My friend posted this on Facebook: Copy and paste this if your DAD is in heaven. If roses grow in heaven, Lord, then pick a bunch for me. Place them in my dad's arms and tell him they're from me. Tell him that I love and miss him, and when he turns to smile, place a kiss upon his cheek and hold him for awhile ... ♥ I love and miss you DAD ♥.

This was my reply to her: This is a topic that is especially near and dear to me right now, too. Your father is surrounded by roses, and all that's good, I believe. (Incidentally, I can tell that without ever having met him - I wish I could have met him.) Your dad was good while alive, and by being so, he surrounded himself and attracted and created other "good" - like your lovely self! (My father died in November 2005 and it's been a very soulful and steep-learning-curve trip since then. You'd think I'd be farther along after five and a half years, but no ... but maybe I'm where I "should" or could be, anyway. One of the tiny things I do each day is to shoot tiny good thoughts or prayers to him or his memory or what he represented to me or thanks to God or Nature for having allowed his bag of biochemicals and electricity to exist. Like when I'm on the treadmill. Seeing certain numbers on the treadmill, like his birthday, reminds me to spend a few happy moments thinking about him or fake-communicating right to him. (Who knows - maybe it's not fake communicating - maybe he or God are somehow instantly reading me loud and clear.) "Dad, you were such a Kick-A when you made us go uphill on those off-road bikes so fast!", I thought to myself one time today. I virtually always smile for a few moments. So, all I can say is, try to profit from your grieving journey as much as you can - it sounds like you are being mostly very positive. I hope that is also true for your siblings.

© 2011 (June 18) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20110609 email

Thank you for the nice reply and good news about your boy winning his game and playing great.

Here is some quick information about my oldest kid's scholarship:

http://admissions.rpi.edu/aid/medal.html

I got two full rides offered to me at that age - that was a kick for me! They were music scholarships, and were through scouts at my music competitions in high school. I didn't care about them at all, and was glad I had the choice of whether or not to take them.

I just commented to the family this morning that K1 is our first football player to be recruited. ;-) I immediately felt a tiny bit bad, because K2 was listening, and he is a bit of an underachiever at the present time, through not trying his best in several realms. For example, in math and track. Yet just yesterday, I was having an impromptu conversation with K2's principal on how his math teacher totally turned him off from math this year. He went from being a straight A student to being an A and B student, through having become disinclined to try in Mrs. Blasberg's class. She is one who gushes never-endingly about her top students - to the actual detriment of all her other students. I told the principal that at the open house in fall 2010, all Mrs. Blasberg did was to gush about the Stanford tailgating community, and about how her math and science students come back to gush about how well she prepared them - leaving 5 or 10 minutes to discuss the whole then-upcoming math 8A curriculum. At the spring 2011 open house, all she did is gush and hug her returning students, to the detriment again of being able to discuss the just-ending 8A class, and any projects that were sitting out. We were never able to greet her or discuss things with her, either time. I felt disinclined to send her a follow-up email after either event, so I guess I let my child suffer, and he didn't work to his potential, either. I am supposed to get in touch with the principal again, soon after school gets out on June 16, but again, I don't really want to, because I feel it could only hurt my child coming into the middle school system, and it could no longer help my exiting middle school child. And that's with a very helpful and responsive middle school principal with a fantastic educational paradigm. Anyway. Life will go on, and K2 will eventually rise to whichever level of cream he is meant to settle out at, I believe. Thanks for reading my missives and supporting me and my whole family, through all the years as they go by.

Best regards and love to you and your children and mother and every other relative! :-) Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2011 (June 9) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

the Boxer Rebellion "Caught by the Light" lyrics

The Boxer Rebellion "Caught by the Light" lyrics:

Caught by the light aware but asleep
Never as close as the friends that you keep
Drifting away on one final breath
The further you climb, calm silhouette

And takes you along, long, long, long
And takes you along, long, long, long

Far from a world ailing to live
Far from the wreckage you were left in

And the crossing is over where the righteous remain
In the memory it's deeper, survived by a name
The rest is sufficient, a midnight complaint
Left waiting in silence, left only to sleep

It takes you along, long, long, long
And takes you along.

Marine Science Institute June 2, 2011

Hi friend, I really enjoyed your email - thanks for writing it.
I hope your kid's first big game went well. Tell me about it ...
To me, the iPods are not much of an issue. "Whatever", I guess, would be my official stand - unless there were a reason to care otherwise. It would be good if kids worked towards them in some way.
Glad you were thinking happy thoughts involving Mellencamp memories for a few moments - also glad to hear about how well you're doing with your running!
This far after it, are you still glad you did your intensive physical Insanity recently?
I am still exercising pretty rigidly, but I freely give myself permission to cut back when I'm feeling sore or tired. That way I hopefully don't burn out. I've stuck with my current exercise program since August 26, 2009 - that's about 1 and three-quarters years - and have progressively grown my game during that time. That's pretty long for me to stick with something.
I like when "Tom Sawyer" shuffles along on my iPod; it's a fine and formative tune from my youth.
We are just back from a day-long fifth grade trip on the San Francisco bay. It was by the Marine Science Institute - we were all on a 90 foot long scientific research vessel. The kids ran actual meaningful scientific experiments and learned how to figure out the names of various estuary creatures we encountered. Great fun, also, was the actual hard physical teamwork of 25 kids pulling up a giant trawling net that got samples for them to look at, treat with respect, and figure out the names of, by identifying their main characteristics. A big smile of a day - but we were still a bit mentally worn by the end of the day. We're not used to the energy of that many kids that age, for so long. Even our kid said, "We're not used to being around our classmates for that many hours a day". Since we were tired, we let ourselves go to this cool new corner sports bar that's only a mile and a half from us. Two of the kids were along, but one groused and stayed home. "So be it", we threw up our hands and decreed. We brought him back lots of yummy sandwich remnants with plentiful tooth marks.
Friday kid three is in her grade's musical performance. She will play cello. She is a fine player. She is about to start on private lessons in downtown San Jose (roughly 20? miles away, with difficult downtown parking, so a bit of a hassle). She asked for the lessons multiple times herself, so finally we researched it and found a teacher recommended by the middle school orchestra director. We met with her in late May.
I pick up my new eyeglasses and sunglasses tomorrow morning - I haven't used any eyeglasses in about 5 years; my eye doctor marvels that for now my eyes just seem to be getting better, from their slight prescription. Nevertheless, I have a prescription, so I am getting the eye protection I was recommended by my doctor. Maybe I'll try to stick with the glasses this time - at least some of the time. These will be my first prescription sunglasses. And everything is well-reimbursed by my spouse's Good medical insurance. We are very lucky to have it, and we know it and appreciate it.
I just ran out of steam and gotta go make the rounds to everyone, one last time, before I let myself conk out. I am not used to one beer hitting me so hard.
Lots of love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2011 (June 2) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20110103 On cold and hard climates

She would LOVE the cold and hard winters of Ohio! She has always dreamed of living in a hard and cold climate.
I have also mastered such climates and enjoyed them, in my earlier life. I was proud to shovel snow first and early for all the senior citizens and busy working professionals living around me the two times I lived in Providence, Rhode Island. I shoveled as a kindness and mark of respect for my neighbors and what they did/who they were.
At Lake Tahoe, I was reminded that my ability and quick help with shoveling are a real gift of mine - an area in which I could give. I'm pleased that I've built up my muscle strength significantly since 2009; it made the shoveling lighter. I shoveled out parts of our motel parking lot in South Lake Tahoe, recently, and helped any car trying to get out, before it even tried to get out.
Or maybe Ohio's cold and hard winters would eventually cause K1 to appreciate the warmth and easy living of the California climate more - which is also a positive.

On Sun, Jan 2, 2011 at 1:43 PM, All Peach wrote:
> Hi 90hazelnut,
> Nice email with good applying-to-university info in it.
> How about Ohio State - or Ohio Dominican is excellent, too.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2011 (January 3) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

Old Joke: your married behind isn't going anywhere

A couple had only been married for 2 weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: German, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop ... but at the bar ... you know ... they have frozen glasses ..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious ... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise ... OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and port strips.

"But my sweety honey ... at the bar ... you know, there's swearing, dirty words and all that ..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? "LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR FRICKING HORS D'OEUVRES, BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A FRICKING BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER ... GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"

... and they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?


© 2010 (November 26) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101123 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

... by not being my active Facebook friend.
Actually you Are my FB friend, with only your fictitious birthdate for information.
(What does that date refer to?)
[You once indicated that you forgot the password for that account.]


Anyway, this morning so far I posted this:


"I sometimes feel I don't quite get it when people tell me, 'At least you have your kids'. I love my kids, but my having kids is independent of the statement I just issued. Therefore it does not compute. I barely know what to answer. I know by experience that it's my role to then give a gentle smile and say 'Of course you're right, and we're all healthy', so that's what I do. But it's little reactions of mine like this that cause me to think I am a little bit on the autistic end. Low in EQ, I suppose. Yet I survive."


This is what bored or lonely people do, when they want some down time - spend time on Facebook. I try to minimize the time I waste at FB - it's not all wasted - some is good friendship and fellowshipping.


This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (November 23) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101116 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, thanks for your nice email of yesterday, and also, your telephone attempt and your texting. My phone was lurking in my gym bag for a few hours until I realized I didn't have it.

We got K1's high school parking permit for MY car yesterday - that involved filling out forms and paying $25 per year. Seniors have to pay by the semester, because they have a lottery for limited better parking each semester. Then we had to go to our insurance agent for an hour and watch a safe driving video for half an hour (we saw/heard gory teenage accident footage and stories, told by teen survivors - not actual mechanics-of-driving tips) and she had to read a booklet and take a test that took a half hour. This entitled us to get an insurance discount.

K3 has play practice today. In this year's play, she has quite a number of speaking lines - also singing and dancing, etc. She is loving it, and she is still loving the martial arts - but she didn't go yesterday, because for some reason she can't tolerate the Monday class (she won't tell me why - I don't notice anything different about it). Maybe on Monday a kid comes, who she doesn't really care for, or something. Anyway, she'll still be going maybe double the minimum they ask, so I'm fine with her vetoing a specific day each week. She is good about taking the Monday class if there are too many play rehearsals calling for her character to be in attendance, on the other weekdays.

K2 is doing nothing except playing Call of Duty - ha ha. He does his homework and gets straight As. He procrastinates starting his homework until mid evening, like his older sister gets away with. He also goes on Facebook somewhat, and I heard him telling K1 his [large] number of friends. I don't think he's sucked into FB anywhere nearly as bad as the high school girls. (Yet?!) He does well in his PE classes, but nothing more. I keep inviting him to my gym for either cardio or weights. He tricks me sometimes and says he's finally psyched to start at the southwest YMCA, so he'll be ready for spring Pony - then he'll change his mind again. I actually believe he doesn't mean to deceive me, but he lets himself get psyched out by his perceived inadequacies.

I am so tired. I've been trying to work out every day of November except Thanksgiving - well, weights, for sure. I'll give myself days off, or easy days, in cardio - because my knees, etc., develop built-up pain and tiredness. I also haven't been sleeping much - 3 hours at a time for the past half week, and not much more than that, usually. I have the opportunity to sleep, but my mind won't let itself relax, or something. I hope you've been getting enough sleep. I know you often skimp on the sleep you need, in favor of the boys' needs, work, etc.

All my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (November 16) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101115 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, it just turned into Monday for me, so I'm writing to wish you a happy week. I can't sleep because my stomach is burning so bad. It was from an Italian dish heavy on acidic tomato and sausage; I was suspecting it was maybe going to be a problem. My spouse made it. But it was tasty, and at least the kids ate it. (We still have significant problems trying to get everyone to eat what is prepared, even with how old they are now.) I almost never have a burning stomach, so I'm not really sure what to do about it.

I haven't been writing much because I'm so sad about my mother's rapid decline. I've just been on a big sad kick. Grieving, I suppose. She was always saying, "That's life" - she still says that. My brother B1 gets sick of hearing her say that. He always says, "No, that's not life - that's effing Death". My mother's boyfriend is after B2 - and of course all of us - to find an assisted living place for her SOON. He thinks there could possibly be some kind of tragedy soon, if she stays at home. Her nausea (and dizziness) is very bad and she has abandoned her lifelong healthy eating; she can only tolerate sweets now. A big shame.

I need a big attitude change - but I'm not sure how to accomplish that. I've tried so many times to change my attitude through positive thinking, etc. Why is it a fight to hold a good attitude, so often? Is that "life"?

"Life is strange - oh yes, but compared to what?" - Steve Forbert

I hope your week is easy. Is it cold there yet? I saw Minneapolis got a significant winter storm by Saturday morning, the 13th, already - pretty early. Take care and lots of love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (November 16) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101028 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, Thank you for all the good wishes.

I was talking to my B2 yesterday about my family flying out for Thanksgiving for "one last visit". They haven't seen her since EVS willfully dropped the book on K3's head in 2006. After thinking about it for 24 hours more, B2 ever-so-delicately told me that it really would be too hard on EVS, for us to come see her around Thanksgiving. I wanted to do one final try, but he must be right.

For some things - it really IS too late. C'est la vie - ou plu(s)tot, la morte!

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (October 28) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101023 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, thank you for the email. I tried texting you a photo from an airport on October 21, but it did not go through.

The trip was emotionally hard. There were many happy and love-filled moments, too, though.

I hope you and your family are well, and enjoying some of life's rich offerings. All my love, 90hazelnut


This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (October 23) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

I wrote yesterday that I never wrote verse

I've been Irish, I've been French.
I swam through a deep-sea trench.
When she got there,
The corals looked bare,
And so the good girl took none.

© 2010 (October 8) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20101005 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, thanks for that email before your trip.

It was neat to hear about what you might get to see and learn on your trip. It was also interesting to read about your son and his personal coach and their interaction with the Major League manager and his son.

K2 is anxious about his homework, and spends more time moaning pitifully about how it's too hard to possibly even try to do, than he spends on doing the homework. Yesterday he bawled at us for 3 hours until my spouse really gave him a piece of his mind (not that he hadn't been, already; he upped it), saying that K2 was causing All of us to suffer for hours, which was disrespectul and annoying and bothersome to us, and that K2 wasn't even making any progress on his homework either.
On the plus side, K2 announced a few days ago that, among other workout goals, he'd like to start strength training now, in preparation for the spring Pony season. In previous recent months, he was often saying that he couldn't possibly try out for Pony, because all the other guys have grown already and he is puny. So this is a good sign, that he wants to work towards a physical goal. That's taking some responsibility for his future, and he made the decision himself. I have started to ask around at the YMCA about any good trainers that work with youth - hopefully a college guy or someone not too far away from K2's age, so he can feel like he's with someone he can relate to, somewhat, and feel comfortable with.

I'm glad to read that your workouts are going well, as you recover. I hope your recovery continues to go smoothly.

I've been working out as much as always, but I am taking it a little easier sometimes. That of course makes me feel uneasy and weak. I've been tired, and it's been hurting somewhere inside my hip for a few weeks. Then there's the GI work-up I'm supposed to have at Stanford - I've been putting that off while I think about other things, like my mom. I am a bit anxious about my TDY, wondering if it will go well - or will it sometimes be an ordeal to survive?

Well, I have school pick-up soon. I have to do double my normal pick-ups this week. I hope your flight went smoothly and that you get to relax for a few hours in your hotel room or wherever. I like the idea of some enforced relaxation for you, sometimes!

Take good care, love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (October 5) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100924 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Wow, how pretty. I would Love to go on a drive with you through such an autumn scene Real Soon!!!

Any time now, I'll start playing Midnight Oil's "Blue Sky Mining" CD. It's what we played as we sat out in the car at Taunton pond; I had recently bought it. BTW you can enter Taunton Pond at google maps and remember how it was.

I am deep in my personal misery right now, but anticipate coming out of it sometime. I was thrilled at the autumnal equinox and full moon being within about 10 hours of each other. I did some early morning sky admiring before driving to the Southwest YMCA, and on breaks between weights and cardio rooms; I even explained what I was doing to two people who inquired. Driving to the gym by the light of the early morning full moon was lovely, too; Jupiter was near the moon yesterday morning, and it was bright.

A few days ago, I acquired the Linkin Park "A Thousand Suns" CD; it was released on September 14. I have been playing it a lot in the car and at the gym, and have it memorized now. I've started to make variations of song sections in my mind as I lie peacefully half-asleep or half-awake OR exercising. That's been nice, and so much fun, and invigorating to this aging brain. It is being said that this CD represents a softer side of Linkin Park - that they're maturing past the angry young men stage they used to be in. I don't find it overly soft. I think I can see lots of homages to great musical artists, like in track 7 "Jornada del Muerto" they seem to have a long classic-Genesis-style section that's kickin'. (LP's website states their heaviest recent influences, but I am mostly inexperienced with current music.) I am loving every selection on this CD, and right now they're all thrilling me. Today I lied in bed from 6 to 7 and played that CD because I've had a nagging deep pain somewhere inside my hip area, and I decided finally today that I should just rest it.

K2 goes home with his excellent friend S today. I expect big and interesting things from S. His parents are wonderful, loving, fully committed parents, I believe; I spent the day at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk with the mother and her 2 kids, and my kids. I was so impressed by that lovely woman. I am so happy that K2 is welcome in their home today to work on a school project with S, and to have a little fun, too. S has cat ramps up from bunk beds to the highest corner of the room, where there's a ledge the cats can hang out on. K2 and I are so impressed by them. I and my spouse want to build similar ramps or a cat condo with K2, and I hope K2 is finally going to go for that project, soon. (Sometimes K2 and his father end up rubbing each other the wrong way and K2 will angrily abandon a task at hand.) S's cat ramps are carpeted all around, even underneath, so a high-spirited frisky kitten could conceivably pull herself up the underside of one, if she had spare energy. :-)

Take good care, All Peach.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (September 24) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100920 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hello, friend! How are you? I hope you and your family are well.

I have really close to a migraine headache, which started at 2 a.m. I was half-awake for many hours in a really weird mental state. I just now drank some G2 Gatorade but am going to take it easy food-wise for a while; this episode affected my intestines. I feel so weak and shaken.

(That's the first time in my life I ever drank a full container of Gatorade. I always thought of it as sweet kids' stuff, or for serious athletes, not me - I thought I surely could do without its sugar. And G2 has sucralose in it, so that's not ideal either. I don't need an artificial sweetener and I don't want one. But the doctor at Stanford University medical center is recommending I drink Gatorade before my workouts, for the electrolytes plus water. She said the intestines can't absorb pure water when in a low-oxygen setting like during my inferred runner's ischemic colitis.)

I feel like I don't have a friend in the world, though that's not true. And I remember the love my mother once offered me as a small child, and in her twisted ways years later, and that makes me feel both profoundly sad yet also as if I've been loved. And my father was usually quite loving to me, while also critical and demanding. (I could use a dose of his style of loving again, about now. Maybe he'd knock some sense into me, too.)

The kids have been really quiet around me. But K2 talked to me for 45 minutes this morning, after the others had left.

I could use a caring gesture from someone. But I guess I'll start out by thinking about "inasmuch as you do it unto the least of these, you do it unto me" - Jesus. I will have to think of ministering to those around me as doing it for Jesus. If I'm the bride of Christ, that's a pretty cool and honored position to be in, and it carries responsibilities.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (September 21) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100831 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, thanks for the email. I'm glad you and your family are well.

It was a little busy yesterday, with it being the first day of school.

I'm glad you and your K2 enjoyed the concert so much, and the baseball game the day before. My spouse ended up taking K2 and the neighbor boy to a Giants game Saturday August 28th. Sunday, K3 cried at having been excluded, and that K2 seems to be their father's favorite (nonsense, my spouse spat back at K3 without any sympathy) - then he and I had a tiny few-sentence tiff. K3 was apparently a little anxious Sunday evening, with school starting the next morning, and whiningly wanted to be reassured of her dad's love - but she wasn't, this one time. At the moment, I am her favorite parent, and I will enjoy that while it lasts. :-)

I think your and our kids are another year older and wiser than on August 31, 2009. They walked in their shoes and saw with their own eyes for an additional year, then outgrew those shoes, and the eyes also got higher off the ground during that time. They had to recalibrate their sights, on the fly! ;-)

A kitten is buzzing around my keyboard and monitor as I type. So cute. We think her name is settling on Posey. That annoys K1 to no end, but she has not been at all helpful in getting this cat named; she has only been severely critical of every suggestion. So kitty's name is supposed to be officially Buster Posey, according to me.

Say, your sister is really a fine woman. She is a blessing to her family and to probably all that she comes in contact with. I would do well to emulate her. She is a fine example of mature and loving womanhood. My sister-in-law in Minnesota is also a fine example of a good human being. So is my mother-in-law, and so is every one on that side! I was richly blessed by the family I married into, and I am still learning a lot from them.

I've been back at the southwest YMCA 5 times in the nearly 10 complete days I've been back. I've been really taking it easy. I was quite taxed on my first day back, and at the time thought that my weights were too much to go back to, after 10 days away - but later came to see that I was heavily beset by seasonal allergies and a cold or flu (on the severe end of the spectrum for about 3 days). I stepped up with my use of dilute chlorine rinse around the house, and no one else seemed to get sick, though K3 seemed to get the heavy allergies I did, for a few days. She goes to Tae Kwon Do today, after 3 days off. She didn't want to go yesterday, after her first day of school, and it wasn't even hot. She just wanted to unwind and mentally prepare for going there Tuesday (which she committed to), so I thought that was fine. I would want to think about all the new things I experienced and people I met, too. Oh, yeah, I also stepped up with my dilute salt spray in my nose, to help pathogens slide away, and I think that helped my cold or flu move through very quickly in only about 3 days. I think the salt spray also helps keep the pollens rinsed down, too, as I catch up on yard work. (I find it relaxing to go out into the yard and shift gears, when kid voices start sounding a little shrill or whiny.)

Did you get any personalized birthday attention this past weekend? Did you get a meal you really liked, out of your birthday weekend? I'd like it if you did ...

Take good care, all my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (August 31) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100822 Tip

If you've been outside all night, and you can't get to a shower anytime soon, remember this:
When you are outside for hours, carry a small cleaning brush which can tuck into your palm, like a finger grooming brush. Get yourself into pond water or salty water; salty or brackish water is better (?). Give yourself a gentle but thorough scrub all over. You could be considered as good as clean.
You don't need a towel. Water drips off and dries within minutes, on the large scale. You could flick the extra drops off with the brush, if you wanted to speed things up. Get your clothes back on quickly and leave this vulnerable position.
This has been my useful (?!) tip of the day.

20100822 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Congratulations on your kid's having made the hotshot team! I wanted to send you this message before I left, but my spouse was having a hissy fit.
I am glad your K1 has a personal coach. I believe he will thank you for this quite a few times, when he's a seasoned adult.
I am so sorry about your spouse having a rough time at work. I have prayed for her every day for quite a while. I will keep doing that. Why not; it's free, and it's good for all concerned, and it feels good. :-)
I also wish I could have gotten the messages with good mental vibes for your spouse to you much earlier, too. Oh well, the praying and the good thoughts happened for all of you.
All my love, 90hazelnut
P.S. We got back a few hours ago, safe but busy. Two cars need "emergent" alignment and new tires, and school official paperwork needs to be filled out, and there are "a ton of" little things to get done. ;-)

[~This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut. True Dat.~]

© 2010 (August 22) 90hazelnut, all rights reserved.

20100822 JournalPartial

This morning I was power-walking outside on the tarmac at Salt Lake City, coming out of an E gate, in order to get on a small plane serving a regional market. It was a lovely sunny warm morning, with low-angle shadows good for accentuating western geology by. I smiled and said to my acquaintance, "Hey, if it's Salt Lake City and I'm with YOU, this must be 1960!" I got a broad smile.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (August 22) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100810 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, thanks for writing to me. I am glad you are all well.

I liked reading about what your kids are doing. That's really neat that they are getting lessons in their sports.

Our kitten is lots of fun, and she's nice, too. I often have to keep reminding the kids to play with her and tire her out, though, so K2 can get a decent night's sleep. Kitty is bunking with K2 until he decides to change that. So far it was only the first night that he didn't get much sleep. She doesn't have a name, yet. We are trying out different names. First K2 picked "Carmella", but he decided he didn't want that, after a couple days. Then she was "Choco Taco" and "Taco Bella" for a little while. :-) Mostly she gets called "Little Kitty" or "Baby". I play with her a lot, because she's fun and nice, she needs it, and because I CAN!

I am now recalling earlier times in my life when I had kittens before - that's mostly nice, too. There was this one time I had new kittens that was bittersweet, though; my father was binge drinking around my 25th birthday and I frequently brought the kittens "home" that fall. I was going to graduate school in Rhode Island then, and it was a 3 hour drive back to see my parents. I always enjoyed making the trip, because the drive was lovely and I was happy I had parents to minister to. Anyway, that birthday weekend of mine, he wanted me to drive out and get more booze, or else he would, and so I eventually Did, to prevent him from driving, when he wouldn't let up on the matter. He had multiple sets of car keys and I didn't even know where they all were. I immediately started kicking myself right after that weekend, that I didn't think to simply barricade the driveway with my car. I Did let the owner of the liquor store know not to sell to him in the near future, though ... he said they wouldn't sell to an intoxicated person ... Oh, well. He came out of that episode nicely and probably went on to the next one, some months later. Mostly he was dry by then, because he had been going to AA for many years. He didn't stop the periodic binges until close to the end of his life, but I guess that was his escape valve. It's nice that it was only episodic. He once asked my brother, while lying in his hospital bed near the end, did my brother think my father shortened his life with his drinking? My brother thought about it, answered thoughtfully and kindly, but did say yes.

K1 drove on Sunday - I was with her. We went to see the movie Inception on that outing. It was an unusual movie. The premise of multiple layers of dreaming was interesting.

K3 went to martial arts yesterday, and will probably go today. She still hasn't started sparring, because her mouthpiece hasn't arrived. That was the most expensive item of her new sparring gear, the rest of which she's had for about 3 or 4 weeks. At her level they only do sparring on Fridays.

We (me plus kids) are hoping to sneak in a trip to Great America in Santa Clara on Wednesday or Thursday. One of K2's friends would come along. K1 is planning something else with one of her friends - just hanging out, I think - maybe even at our house, though she doesn't like having people over when her siblings are there, and when are they not. Too bad the kids didn't exercise much this summer, except for K3. Well, they'll soon be getting back into the swing of things. What day does school start for you all? Here it's August 30. Is your oldest "totally stoked" about starting high school? I would imagine!

Well, I hope you all have a lovely and easy day! All my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (August 10) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100808 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, thanks for your email, as always. It's nice to know someone cares.

Saturday late morning, we picked up K1 at camp. We got to see her world. She, as a counselor-in-training, was directly responsible for the happiness and well-being of several six-year-olds. The camp got good slave labor out of her, but she also had fun and made new, positive connections (relationships) with youths around her age. I heard them all reassuring each other that they Had given their friend their facebook contact.

I had pain from the moment I woke up on Saturday. But it never got past a 4 on the pain scale. I don't have pain this morning.

I've been going to the Southwest YMCA, but I've dialed it back in cardio since August started. I thought I eased back in weights, but I see the same numbers, when it gets tallied. I am thinking to read a bit about the muscles, because I'm getting more curious about what actually happens in the muscles on the macro scale. I once studied exercise-related phenomena on a cell and molecular scale when I was in graduate school in molecular biology. Remember those times? Isn't it neat, also, that nowadays, you could look up "molecular biology", or something else, on wikipedia dot org, and you could get a quick or thorough glance at what that field is about?

BTW, we have known each other for more than 20 and a half years already! :-)

Friday, a lady asked me to apply for a position at her company. She said she told her boss about me, and the boss already knew of me and liked me ?! (I don't think I know who her boss is.) They "like my style" and my approach to learning new things.

I am eager to read more about the sports activities of your kids. I really like reading those installments. It's nifty that our kids are paralleling each others' experiences, somewhat, in the exercise and school realm. It's nice they're all growing up in a mostly-peaceful, mostly-free country, as well as secure immediate surroundings. They have it easy and healthy, but they are learning and working, and so maybe have the best of all worlds to grow up in. We can Hope!

I hope your spouse is feeling blessed, and is feeling her load is on the easy side right now. I know your spouse doesn't seem to respond to hearing about how good she has it, even if that's true in several ways. She still feels she has a heavy load. I feel this way, too, numerous times, like when I feel I am the only one working hard around me. And sometimes I feel I am trying to spin too many plates. And sometimes I allow myself to spin off into a self-pity party, by allowing myself to think I am doing a piss-poor job with the plates.

(So?!) I try to regrip, then, if I catch myself. I give myself a metaphoric pat on the back. I pet and play with my 3 cats. I smile at and say nice things to my kids as I walk by them with a full laundry hamper.

I hope you and your family have a very nice day. All my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (August 8) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100805 Fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, I hope you and your family are having a good and healthy and blessed day.

This is my brother B1's response to the "Freedom paid for mostly by U.S. Marines" reposting. I guess it resonated well with him.

"This is good and true. I've talked to so many soldiers here (there are so many bases around here) that are active duty and they all said the same, pretty much. Namely that we are accomplishing things in Iraq and Afghanistan, and that you shouldn't believe anything the media says about those theaters of operation. They went on to say what the media reports is chronically and categorically wrong and untrue; don't believe any of it. What is going on in theater is completely different than what is reported."

My brother B2 called me on August 3 and told me that my mother didn't recognize her boyfriend for about 200 miles while in the airplane on the way back from their trip. B2 is now stepping up his interviews of assisted living facilities, and he says she is seeming to not be against moving into an assisted living facility. He says he has his first interview on Friday; I volunteered to fly out and do some interviews with him. He said it is really not needed, in these preliminary stages; he is just gathering information now. I said I know you can handle it; I'd just be there for moral support and since I haven't seen her and you all for a while. He asked, why don't you come in October? I personally think she may have lost a lot more by October ... So I am thinking a lot about this. And I have something major taking up a good part of August, and also a lovely new kitten.

Thanks for your kaizen in the form of your prayers, and your otherwise excellent attitude towards seemingly everything. You have been a great mentor and friend when I needed it. I SO still need to grow in MULTIPLE arenas!

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (August 5) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100801 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Dear All Peach, thank you very much for your interesting email and news, as always.

Today (Sunday August 1) my family and I are driving to and hiking in Pinnacles National Monument. The weather forecast is 74 F - how awesome, as it could be baking there instead, but in northern California we're having a notable cool spell lately, to even hundreds of miles inland. If you want to take a glance at an image or info about Pinnacles, here is the URL:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinnacles_National_Monument

Maybe you had even been able to visit Pinnacles during your time in California (?).

I'm glad you had a nice time on your spouse and in-law outing on Saturday. I'm happy for you all that you had such a pleasant time for a few hours.

It was really neat to read about your kids' sports tryouts and their many other sports commitments. You inspire me to want to do better by my kids' physical education. Do you have any idea how I could get started with them? I took them to the Southwest YMCA that one day recently, but it was not a very positive experience for them; they felt intimidated by how the trainers spoke to them, I think. Yesterday I (again) mentioned to my spouse that we could do some light family calisthenics together in the mornings. I think I will have to be the one to mostly run this, since he is eager to run off to work on weekday mornings, though he gets to see the kids each morning. I was thinking we could even rotate and let each person pick their stretching exercise for the group, in sequence. Do you have any specific tips in this area or in any other exercise area, for exercising with them? I think it will be nice to go hiking through Pinnacles with them today!

I am always so touched and my heart feels warmer when I read about how much face and body time your brother spends with your kids; he is such a good uncle! I am deeply inspired by what a good human being he is to the next generation. I feel sad that he didn't have his own kids, but happy that he can minister so frequently and constantly to your kids.

In martial arts, K3 and her classmates have been taught about Kaizen. [Kaizen (Japanese for "improvement" or "change for the better") refers to philosophy or practices that focus upon continuous improvement of processes in manufacturing, engineering, supporting business processes, and management. -Wikipedia]. At Studio Kicks, they define it as constant, never-ending improvement. You and your family remind me of this philosophy, too. You just keep on trying, don't you? :-)

I'm glad your kids enjoyed the festival. Even your K2 has a girlfriend?! Wow, I just couldn't imagine my K2 with a girlfriend yet. All my kids are far too reserved to pursue such a thing at the moment, I think. I think they kind of hang back and observe when they're with people their age. K1 has gotten sexting from one of her [younger!] male acquaintances, though. As far as I know, she mostly rolls her eyes when kids or other people are talking sexually or potty-mouthed.

How does your K2 feel about his new hard body? I imagine he's thrilled. Has he said anything about it?

I've told my K2 that if he frequents the gym now and starts doing some resistance, he'll have a strong and healthy physique when he does start to grow. But he seems to be too embarrassed to show up at the gym with the way he is. Poor kid. Also, one of the trainers questioned that K2 could have been trained to do the machine he was heading towards (treadmill) - demanded to see his youth I.D. - and made us all go all the way back to the lockers where I had locked them up, and present them to him. But after hearing that, K2 didn't want to go on any machine. I told K2 that the YMCA worker had to verify information for each youth on a non-wavering basis, but that didn't make too much of an impression on him. Now he doesn't want to go back. What if I would sign him up for a number of sessions with a trainer? Then he might feel "valid" there. But would he consent to that? And could his sibling take the training at the same time?

I am surprised to know that you think you could handle and love 10 kids, and I'm impressed. If anyone could do it, it would probably be you! Maybe you could work with kids during your retirement. :-) I bet you will TOTALLY love-on the grandkids, when the time comes!

People aren't up here yet. I enjoy the quiet early morning house. I've been up for several hours. I'm not going to the YMCA today since I've exercised quite many days in a row, and since we're going hiking today.

Lots of love, 90hazelnut

P.S. I forwarded the Marine story to my brothers. They will get a lot out of it. Maybe some of my other friends will get it next.

© 2010 (August 1) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100730 I was searching on Bank of America Chicago Marathon

www.chicagomarathon.com

One of the charity and sports-minded groups I associate with is doing something in conjunction with the Bank of America Chicago Marathon on October 10, 2010. That's 71 days from the time I write this. Can I get myself trained and able to perform in time? Even with potential surgery in front of me?

20100729 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, Congratulations on your successful trip and getting back home safely. I was hoping you'd get plenty of sleep, but hopefully tonight you can start catching up (?).

I hope everything operated smoothly in your absence: work, home, kids' appointments, etc.

I spent a lot of time on Facebook yesterday afternoon. I hope I don't do that today, because the kids could use my face time more than I need to read people's stuff and post silly things. I already snuck a peak at Facebook and posted a silly thing today, though. It was a joke about sayings that are evocative of a marriage between the African American and Scandinavian traditions. I'm hoping some of my spouse's nice relatives take the bait. Some of them are going through hard times, and maybe could use a few lighthearted sayings. They were fun to come up with. I proposed other people submit their own. :-)

I'm in a good mood, anyway, and that's after having a bad abdominal pain this morning for a few hours (5 on the pain scale; that doesn't happen very often). It was slight before I started exercising, but grew rapidly in strength while I was exercising. And I didn't even hardly do abs, but for one double set of 65. I'm starting to feel better now, though.

Coincidentally, the doctor called two days ago, and said he wants me to have an intestinal procedure called an enteroclysis, which uses radioactive barium as a contrast medium and then takes pictures inside the small intestine. It would be at Stanford University hospital. He first has to call the doctor who would perform the procedure to see if he'd do the procedure on me, because my doctor doesn't do it. I don't know how long this would take to schedule. I was thinking of blowing him off, or at least pushing the test out in time, since we will travel soon, and since I've been having an easy time of things these past few months, except for on the running days. But because I had this significant and unusual pain today, I told my spouse about it - it was that gripping a pain - and he said I should definitely follow through with the doctor and get it at least scheduled. I told him I'm still waiting on the doctor to call the other doctor and report back to me. But I will take it more seriously now.

I'm going to do some laundry, and then I hope to spend some real face time with the kids in a pleasant manner. I need to write a letter to my oldest at camp, because I haven't written one yet, and neither has my spouse (that is unlike us). I should clean the kitchen floor, but I may bag that in favor of the time with the kids and because I'm feeling some discomfort.

I felt Tired on the elliptical at the Southwest YMCA this morning, so I cut it back to 20 minutes today. Yet, my RPMs were a bit faster than usual, when I looked. It's as if my body picks a certain intensity and Must work at that one. Today my body chose 144-148 RPMs, for some reason. I have no say in it. Slowing down doesn't work because it doesn't "feel right". And speeding up is not an option, because I'm tired. Whatever song is playing makes no difference in this matter. Odd, huh? Of course, if I really feel tired, I slow down or stop; I'm just talking about those lesser cases where I just feel it a little.

Next I did 30 min. walking at 4.2 mph and 6% incline. That felt just fine and I could have kept on with that for a lot longer, but didn't want to be stupid about things. And, there Is a life outside the gym to consider ... I'm not trying to work myself into a case of exercise anorexia (fat chance). I enjoyed my gym music a lot today, so that was great. And last night I played a variation of a song I once wrote, after not having played piano in months/years. K2 and K3 and my spouse apparently didn't mind listening to it.

We may be going to Taco Bell for lunch. I think the kids are being nice to me, volunteering that they'd go there, maybe so that I don't have to fix lunch? They don't want Taco Bell much any more. They like when their father prepares "taco night" at home. It IS a pretty awesome spread ...

Well, I wrote a lot about my little daily details. I Was just going to check in with a brief hello, since there wasn't much new.

Looking forward to hearing what you are doing with your kids. Hope your spouse is easy on you as you recover from your trip.

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (July 29) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

Hi All Peach, happy Monday. Or maybe Tuesday, by the time you are reading this. Thanks for the nice email.

I noticed that your kid's tryouts are right around the corner. I'm glad they don't have tryouts that early here. I don't know if many people would show up. People here take their vacations seriously. I know several families who go back to where they're from, for as long as they can manage. Usually the mom and the kids can stay the longest.

I'm glad your kids are still making lots of progress in the physical realm. Do you make them read at all, during the summer? We don't, really, other than to encourage sleepy time reading. They just yesterday were saying that they keep reading all summer through all the media that hits their eyes; it's not a skill they'll lose. Okay then.

K1 got off to camp without a problem. I didn't even have to miss an exercise day at the Southwest YMCA, ha ha. K1 has an actual job with responsibilities at camp, and 2 days off when she may go to a limited number of places (like the beach). On the way home, we tried to go to "Mystery Spot" in Santa Cruz, a place in the woods that seems to have gravity anomalies, where things appear to roll uphill, even when you're holding a level right next to the area. But there were too many tourists and summer people out, and we were told to phone back to get a reservation. Anyway, we had a lovely drive through some of the smaller roads of the Santa Cruz mountains. The spouse would maybe like the kids to go to a camp in the Sierras he has heard good things about from his coworkers; they offer more water sports and waterfront training. The spouse really, really loved the sailing experience he got as a youth. I was maybe a stronger swimmer than my kids are, but I'm not sure about that; they are competent - they just don't practice stroke work ever. Well, sometimes K1 does, associated with her high school diving - sometimes being required to do a swimming workout towards the diving training.

I feel like I have water in my ear today; there is a funny sound and feeling. It's bothersome. But I haven't been in the water for something like 9 days, and that was a rarity in itself. That was the day I swam with the kids. The climate here is perfect; usually 70s to 90s in the summer with low humidity and lots of sunshine.

All Peach, I hope you and your family have a very good day. Lots of love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (July 26) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved

20100629 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, I'm having a good early week. Yesterday I took K1 to Natural Bridges State Beach in Santa Cruz, and we went on a docent-guided hike for an hour and a half, through some tidepools. It was pretty neat. After that I drove her to the Capitola mall for our first time visiting there - it looks like a nice older style mall like I grew up with.

Last time I wrote, I wrongly said that I took K2 and K3 to Santa Cruz. It was K2 and K1. K3 was in her Ninja camp at that time. She enjoyed her Ninja camp but doesn't want to do it when it's offered again later this summer. She was one of only 3 girls. She went to 3 of her regular classes, too (one is supposed to attend at least 2 per week).

I have bought K1 some of the clothes of her dreams, recently. Like, clothes she desired, but didn't completely "need". Some in Santa Cruz and some at the Capitola mall, in just the last few days. And the San Jose Valley Fair mall. K1 buys reasonable teen clothes for reasonable prices. I am pleased and relieved that she makes pretty good choices in clothes, earrings, and make-up, etc. She tends to pay full price when I'm not along, though (?).

I am glad your kids are doing well with their sports. And I'm glad they have nice friends.

I forgot to mention it when it happened, but I saw on early morning news at the Southwest YMCA last week that Obama was making a quick stop in in your area. How was that - mostly a nonevent?

That's a good idea to put your K1 in baseball camp. I should have thought of that for my K2, and insisted on it, maybe. He now thinks he will be too small to play pony next spring, so he doesn't even intend to try for it. I told him I'm sad about that - but if he's really not going to pursue baseball, he should be on the cross country team next year, and develop his gift. He says his school's team is lame. I said you just have to put up with a possibly lame middle school team for one year and then you'll be on high school cross country. I told him to put a lot of thought into that. Oh, and BTW, K2 says he can't start martial arts now, because he'd be at least one belt behind K3. I didn't even know he was considering it. He says he's too old to take martial arts at Studio Kicks without looking like a freak, because all his friends who have done that have already graduated out of the youth program. K2 also says he doesn't want to start in an adult class, even if with me, because he's too small and would feel self-conscious. I think I should sign up K1 and K2 for the one week teen fitness course at the YMCA in July. They got out of doing that the week after school ended, in favor of vegging for their first week out of school.

I'm glad you got to see Toy Story 3. We haven't been able to see that yet. We were thinking of seeing it last Saturday, until K3 said she wanted to see Toy Story 2 first. Now K2 and K3 are at camp. K1, the spouse and I saw the movie "The Lovely Bones" last night. It was weird. I had read the book a few years ago, and K1 read it more recently. The young main actress in it was beautiful, though. I hope I see more of her. I will look forward to seeing her mature in front of the camera, hopefully.

I've been unusually exhausted since June 10, the last day of school. And coincidentally that's when I got my good news about no breast cancer. Something else has to go to pot when one thing is all over with. Yesterday I dropped onto the sofa at 4:15 after coming back from the outing with K1, and I didn't move a muscle again until the spouse came home. I slept on and off during that time, with the television blaring and K1 right next to me. It was nice that she didn't need dinner made early and there were no little ones to feed, so I got to indulge my exhaustion. After my spouse fed me pesto pizza (!) (:-)), I went straight to bed and slept until 0420, then got ready for the gym, where I shredded my thighs again, just like most days. Oh and I'm still a little bit full of myself for being on the top ten women's list for weight lifted during May, so I'm certainly not dropping back on that, to see how I do for June. I might even add more stations into my circuit since I'm doing them anyway, but am not entering my code for every machine.

I'm really glad to read that work is good and life is good for you. I hope it stays that way for you and yours.

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (June 29) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100621 Happy Summer Solstice

Hi All Peach, I enjoyed reading your news from over Father's day weekend. It was nice to read that you are thinking about your dad a lot. He sounds like a very valuable person, all right. I imagine you surely must miss him. You probably talked to him on the phone a real lot.

I'm glad your K1's team did so well. It's nice you got a night out with the boys, too. It's good that your K2 is doing a sport in the summer, too. I'm glad he has something for himself. For my K3, it's her martial arts, it would appear. She is transforming right in front of my eyes. I see more respect and thanks and consideration from her at home, too.

I hope work goes well for you, especially the audit. I hope that goes seamlessly for you.

I exercised this morning, and it went well. I had to cut it back a little since I ran 5 miles on Saturday and was still feeling it. This morning I did 40 minutes at 4.2 mph and 5% grade on the treadmill, 15 minutes racing on the recumbent bike, and the weights circuit. It's nice to see the counselors and day camp kids coming into the Southwest YMCA when I am leaving it. Seeing the young, eager faces is a treat.

K3 starts her one week Ninja Training Camp at Studio Kicks this morning. The kids are to eat only lightly at midday, like maybe some fruits and a half sandwich, so I infer that they keep the kids pretty busy. K3 is excited about Ninja Training Camp. I imagine she'll want to go to her regular late afternoon lessons, too, with the level of enthusiasm she is displaying. :-)

On Friday K1 goes off to a leadership conference. It's for a youth volunteer program she is involved in. Another friend her age will also be attending, and a lady in charge of their group will be their co-participant and chaperone. I wanted to go along, but K1 moaned that she absolutely didn't want me along. I told her another time that I just wanted to have an excuse to go to that city - I wouldn't be getting into her hair - I would just visit the aquarium, etc. She then said That would be okay ... but I didn't pursue it; I thought I'd give her her space. But it's a fact that their aquarium Is pretty good - and I was there with my father in May 2004, and I still remember that visit with him well. It would have been nice memories of that trip together for me to have walked through that place again.

K2 has been terribly bored since he's been out of school, but he's trying not to bug me about it too much. I really believe he tries to go easy on me; he is always seemingly considerate of his mom. (He takes out some of his frustrations when his father comes home at night, with some annoying misbehavior.) So a few days ago, I told K2 that I was signing him up for Krav Maga with me - I was just testing the waters - so he could learn a new skill in his excess leisure time. But K2 reacted favorably to that, and surprisingly agreed to it, so we're going!

I got some of my heavy cleaning done yesterday - while hobbling from knee pain from having run more than I was used to - so I have somewhat less to do today, or I can venture into less frequently cleaned arenas. I plan to have a pretty effective and pleasant day. I prayed for you and your family while on the treadmill and the recumbent bike today. Keep sending me you and your family's specific concerns so I can pray specifically about them. Bless you and yours. :-)

Have a good day, Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (June 21) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100619 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach - what is it with women "not feeling well"? I know that affects me a fair amount. I literally don't feel well, and then will have one or the other complaint. It must be women's escape valve - when you don't feel up to doing something, you don't feel well (?). {This can be misused.} I felt not-completely-well these past 10 days, even with having had good news regarding no breast cancer. I've just been tired, sleepy and allergy-ridden. I'm trying not to take any over-the-counter medications, but I take some, when the symptoms bother me enough. Then, today, my knees are locked up, preventing me from doing certain housework easily and making me want to lie around with the kids watching Pawn Shop - because I ran 5 miles this morning. {I did enjoy watching Pawn Shop and some sniper and military shows on the History Channel with K2 and K3 today ;-) } That was my first time running 5 miles in many years. And that's already after having had 3 complaints within 9 minutes of starting exercising this morning - a rogue left chest pain that bothered me for 5 minutes and was starting to concern me with its intensity, and 2 of my other sometimes-complaints.

I'm glad you had a nice evening with your brother. I am very happy for you that you have each other. I wish my K2 had a male sibling. I wish he would have someone to "boy" with, as I call it. I wish he could have that type of male closeness all his life.

I'm glad to read that your K1 played well, and that the team won.

Well, I imagine you haven't attended a kid's birthday party in a while, and didn't attend the one that your K2 went to, but I still get to attend some of my K3's. I usually ask the parents if I can come along, even. K3 is my last kid, and I want to enjoy the "lasts" while I still have them at all. I went to a laser tag place with her for her friend Kyle's birthday on May 1. That was nice. I like Kyle's parents, too. But towards the end of school, K3 said that Kyle was not nice anymore, and that he had started to act as if he were better than everyone. I was surprised to hear that, and a little dismayed and concerned. I was wondering if I should mention it to his mother, whom I quite like. I think I probably won't mention it. K3 still has a so-called best friend, though they don't get together outside school unless I arrange it.

I'm sorry the road with your spouse is so rough right now (and usually?). I wish she would appreciate the good things she has, a little more. You are a good and honorable man; so what if you're not perfect? You really, really do right by your kids - both of you to, from what I know. Maybe you should tell her to take an "appreciation" or a "get a grip" pill - yeah, that would go over well, right?! Or every time you "sin", maybe your spouse should say a little prayer for your soul, 'cause clearly this guy All Peach can use all the help he can get, eh? Ha ha ha!

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (June 18) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100610 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, happy Friday and weekend to you and your family, and bless you all. You are good people. I am tickled pink to know you or to know of you (kids, spouse).

Late yesterday afternoon, I got The Important Medical Telephone Call. First the nurse tells me she is putting Dr. Jacob on the line, can I transfer? I say yes, thinking this seems like a big deal, putting the doctor on the line; couldn't the nurse just tell me my results? I feel weirdly okay even with this little anxiety, knowing that either outcome would be okay; I'd probably get a lumpectomy in the worst case scenario, and that might be the end of breast disease for years or always.

So Dr. Jacob gets on, greets me pleasantly but briskly, and says we have some important news to discuss. (!) I brace myself. She says I have fibro ... - other non-cancerous changes - that are benign; I don't have breast cancer.

[At least not this year, I mentally edited.]

I enjoyed all the recent news with your family, particularly the little and big sport experiences of your kids. I like reading about when your spouse is doing well, too - for example, when she's doing her exercise faithfully and benefitting from it. I hope you are in good health and good spirits, no matter what circumstances surround you - but I hope they are good circumstances (that sounds like an Irish prayer).

It would be great to sometimes be able to read of your mom's experiences, good and bad and little and big - I pray for her at least twice every morning at the gym, when her birthday rolls by on my usual two cardio machine readouts at the Southwest YMCA. It would be even better to have some specifics in what I'm praying for. :-)

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a work of fiction by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (June 10) 90hazelnut, All Rights Reserved.

20100608 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi, I'm back home from my breast biopsy now. Should have results in 3-5 days. The procedure started to go badly, but I'm OK now. They tell me I will have a large hematoma (it was imaged on Xray). Apparently my breast density is 2.4, whereas it needed to be at least 3.0 for the stereotactic procedure (they didn't know the density until they were doing it). They tell me I have thin breasts. The needle was not getting what they wanted because of the density being less than they wanted. The area in question kept slipping away from the needle and they didn't want to push the needle through to the other side (air), so it seemed they did a lot of digging and there was significant bleeding. The medical professionals were very kind and seemed very competent. They said a situation like mine will happen to them once a year. They were surprised and ready to give up and send me to surgerical biopsy. But in the end, they managed to finally capture some of those calcifications they want to biopsy.

I liked what you wrote about the kid who works out in such a dedicated manner. Wow! I am inspired by him, myself. I wish I could somehow communicate that story to my kids, but to them it would just be some secondhand account of a kid somewhere.

The kids are really excited about school being nearly out. Over the weekend K3 took a test for a new belt at Studio Kicks in Los Gatos, and passed; we were all there watching. I was very happy for her. It seems to mean a lot to her. Sunday, K2 had his baseball party, but he was kind of lackluster about that. He said he never really related to any of his teammates, this time around. So his Little League career ended with a whimper instead of a big bang.

I hope you are having a good day. I will keep you all in my prayers. I told K1 the story about your teenaged cousin who drowned while horsing around in the water with his friends when not knowing how to swim. She was being rather debonair about pool safety, so I had to tell her.

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (June 8) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

Civil Twilight Letters from the Sky lyrics

Lyrics to "Letters from the Sky" by Civil Twilight

~I feel like commenting on song lyrics today. -90hazelnut~

One of these days the sky's gonna break, and everything will escape, and I'll know.
One of these days the mountains are gonna fall into the sea and they'll know - that you and I were made for this - I was made to taste your kiss - we were made to never fall away - never fall away.

One of these days letters are gonna fall from the sky, telling us all to go free.
But until that day, I'll find a way to let everybody know that you're coming back- you're coming back for me.
'Cause even though you left me here, I have nothing left to fear.
These are only walls that hold me here - hold me here - hold me here - only walls that hold me here.

One day soon I'll hold you like the sun holds the moon, and we will hear those planes overhead.
And we won't have to be scared - 'cause we won't have to be scared - 'cause we won't have to be scared ... No ...

You're coming back for me - you're coming back for me - ... - you're coming back to me ...

~Wow, what a sensual and loving song. -90hazelnut~

© 2010 (May 21) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100521 fictional email form 90hazelnut to All Peach

Dear All Peach, thanks for the email, as always. Thank you for the big gift of your time in an ongoing manner. What a big commitment to me! TY always ...

I might have *cancer•. Then again, so might anyone be growing one, at any moment.

Thanks for loving me and for caring, and I love you and care for you, too, very much, 90hazelnut

Keep me posted on you, your kids, and your spouse. I look forward to your usual good news that you are getting through the day nicely. I will revive my fantasy about an imagined trip to Cooperstown - K2 and K3 might get a lot out of such a trip. I can see your K2 being super-nice to my K3, and slinging the shit with my K2 - such as my somewhat naive and somewhat protected K2 can sling it.

(I know K2 and his carpool friend seem to enjoy it when I poke gentle fun at Adam Lambert of American Idol. Their other carpoolmate will say, "What's wrong with Adam Lambert's singing? What does his being gay have to do with his singing?", and I'll answer "His being gay has nothing to do with his singing ability; it just connotes a certain style".)

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (May 21) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100517 fictional email from 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, it's 0230 and I can't sleep. I am having a bit of a physical problem, as previously described.

Sunday, K2 had a Challenger game with disabled kids, and all the parents were absolutely beaming. The kids showed such kindness to the disabled kids, and some of the disabled kids just hung on the kids who were assigned to help them. Each disabled kid got to go up to bat twice. There were no outs, and everyone ran around the bases. Some kids got home runs, to much fanfare. It was cool to see how much compassion is in our kids. And also in the people in the bleachers.

We went to the Red Robin Sunday night, a nice burger place. It had been some years since we had been there. It hit the spot. I had a fish burger and the texture was excellent.

That's nice that your K2 likes Bon Jovi. They were just on American Idol again. Jon Bon Jovi manages to keep his fine looks as time goes by. It looks like he must be living fairly healthy.

Yes, I've seen the people of Walmart. People keep forwarding their pictures to me. Wow.

I'm glad you're back on regular hours at work. Life is smoother when it's predictable, I guess.

Love, 90hazelnut

This has been fictional writing by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (May 17) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100511 fictional email form 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, Thank you for your email.

I had a CT scan yesterday. Have had discomfort and pain since.

Nevertheless, I jogged 4 miles in 40 minutes at the southwest YMCA this morning, then did 15 minutes bike at high resistance and high RPM, then 45 minutes resistance. I again can't do the 35 pound upper arm weights, tries 3 and 4 - I guess I should cut myself some slack at this time. Could only do one set there, so far.

My G.I. doctor wants to send a diagnostic camera through my system - kinda cool, but do I really need to do it? (pending the results of the CT scan) Now I'm off for the library volunteer shift, then my yearly check-up. I will tell that doctor all my recent health news, too. No one's done a CBC on me yet, surprisingly.

I'm glad your family and work are both moving smoothly along. Glad you can all get done what you need to do. Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (May 11) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100509 fictional email form 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, thanks for the nice Mother's day greetings! That was sweet. The words you wrote were also very kind.

I'm glad you had a nice and effective trip. It's great you all give the gift of your presence and and helpfulness and time.

Saturday night we went out to dinner at a place that's one of my, and some of my kids', favorites, "Sushi Boat". The sushi goes around on little boats in a moat. It's fun to make your selection from the boat. There are lots of places like that, here.

Back to cool weather for you, eh? Yesterday I wore short sleeves and shorts. K1 took a 4 mile loop run near Lexington Reservoir of Los Gatos, while K3 and I walked maybe 1.5-2 miles to the reservoir, then back. K3 and I were meant to be jogging in preparation for her road race next weekend. She pooped out after running •a few hundreds of steps•, so I turned it into a nature walk instead. I was remarking on every natural thing I could think of, and soon she was, too. Then she kept asking me to initiate some "interesting conversation". So I'd try, and she'd say something like, "No, that's not it", and I'd nicely invite her to put her effort into making interesting conversation, too. We found a really cool tree with huge, splaying, step-like steep roots. There's lots of poison oak there, though. We walked/climbed up into the tree a little. I'm sure teenage boys must hang out there and smoke, as K1 said; It's a cool place. It took K3 and me about 2 hours to complete this maybe 3-4 mile walk. Not very good for athletic training, but I enjoyed the one-on-one time with K3. I felt blessed to be out in nature with my daughters, all of us strong and healthy, on a beautiful day.

K2 was in two baseball games Saturday, separated by a number of hours, so he got to eat and rest. I was hoping he could come on the reservoir walk/run with us, but he didn't have enough time. I've invited him to go to the southwest YMCA with me this morning. I told him what I was hoping to do and how much time each thing would take. So far, he's just said, "umm ..." :-)

I made it to parts of K2's two games yesterday, but I was also completely involved with K3's martial arts, and the walk/run. Something funny happened to me at one of the games. I walked over to the fence where K2's dug-out was, not wanting to distract anyone from play, just wanting to see who was where, from that angle. K2's coach saw me right away, though, and motioned and said, "Do you need me to get K2?" I said, "No no no", and made hand motions indicating no; I didn't mean to disrupt at all, and I started backing away, feeling embarrassed that I had interrupted field stuff. Then the coach walks over to the dug out and Yells to K2,"K2! Your mom says she wants you to hit a home run for Mother's day!" Then I continue backing away, gulping and thinking, OMG. Then: K2 promptly Does get a home run at his next at bat!!! Kewl! :-)

> I didn't get to the gym since Tuesday, my body will be well rested when I get back to it.<

It's just like you to look on the positive side of things. Congratulations on your having rested your body. I hope you've been sleeping adequately, too.

I hope your spouse's health issue will start resolving very soon. I am a bit concerned about her, and am praying for her. I am sure your mom has her prayer brigade going for her.

I was feeling better Saturday, healing, but on Saturday evening when we were eating sushi, I started having pain and •some symptoms• again. I feel a little bit gripped up right now, and at a 4 on the pain scale. Not too bad; I can still work out.

The doctor is standing by his original diagnosis, but there doesn't seem to be that much evidence for it. He saw some areas, and imaged and gave us copies, that may be showing residual damage from an ischemic event. But these areas were no more than pin-pricks of reddened area; he thinks they were further downstream from the inferred injured area. He was setting up to take a biopsy of this area, but then it couldn't be done. The 18 images he showed me look extremely clean and healthy, except for the last few that had a few of these red pin-pricks.

I think I will have a very nice Mother's day. In the last few days, I really felt my family's caring and helpfulness, so I assume that will continue today. :-)

Thank you also for your well wishes and prayers. Back atcha. I hope your spouse has a very nice and more healthful Mother's day, too.

Love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

© 2010 (May 9) 90hazelnut.blogspot.com, All Rights Reserved.

20100507 fictional email form 90hazelnut to All Peach

Hi All Peach, I hope you and your family are well. Thank you for your email.

I just texted you, about today's procedure. Next, I get a CT scan. Personally, I think the doctor is "fishing" for a diagnosis, since my symptoms aren't lining up with any other diagnosis.

I am glad your K1's team has been playing so well. I was recently thinking about what my K2 might be learning from being part of a pervasively losing team. And they have really good coaches, I believe.

I am glad you had warm weather recently. We had some cool weather recently (in the 40s F in the morning) but we have significantly warm and sunny weather now. It was a bit uncomforable to wear long pants yesterday.

Yesterday at the southwest YMCA I jogged 3.5 miles in 40 minutes yesterday, then did 15 minutes bike at high resistance and high RPMs, and 45 minutes resistance. I managed to increase that one upper arm weight to 35 that I couldn't do on my one previous attempt. Hope it sticks. That was with my medical problem increasing slightly. Today I am not exercising because I am fasting, and ill. I hope to be able to exercise tomorrow at 6 am or else later, after I've packed in the calories a few times, pending any preliminary results from the hospital. I've only been doing every other day of exercise since Sunday May 2, as I've been trying to let my system heal. I did jog every one of those alternate days though. I am slightly on the obsessed side, though I am trying to pay Some attention to my health.

I feel I did not perform adequately as a parent at my K2's middle school open house last night. I went to every room and read the schoolwork that K2 had out, along with that of some of his classmates. I greeted his fellow students and their parents, when possible. But: my venial (?!) sin is that I did not talk to his teachers. I kept waiting for my spouse to go up to them and initiate conversation, but I guess I had to wait for hell to freeze over first. He and I sure did not communicate adequately on that one. I did not feel well enough to take the conversational lead. Maybe my spouse was not aware of that. I could tell that K2 wanted us to talk to his teachers; we even walked back to one, the French teacher, after I said "Clearly K2 wants us to talk to his French teacher". But she kept being occupied with students and parents; we hovered around her as 4 braver sets got to her ahead of us, and in the end completely wimped out and never talked to her, or to any teacher, at all. I had a big cry about that on the family room sofa in the mid evening. My spouse actually came up to me and touched my elbow and said, "Are you sicker?", and I said, "No, I feel I should have talked to K2's teachers, and I am upset with myself." I was also upset with my spouse's lack of jumping in and talking to the teachers himself, but I didn't want to get into that.

K3 had to walk home alone yesterday, and she was carrying her very heavy backpack, playground ball in a shoulder back, liter water bottle, and 30 or so dangling metal and plastic things (which can really do damage to a person or car). Turns out, she was also given her mission model to carry home, that day. It's about a Yard wide!!! She did all this carrying stuff home partially running, having been encouraged by her GOTR coaches to run as much as possible before the race. She slipped on some gravel and ripped up the area under her left knee. She claims to have washed it but it sure looked uncleaned to me when I saw it after I got back from the doctor's appointment. She said that was the stuff that oozed out after she washed up, but to my eye, it looked like all kinds of streamers of blood and dirt. She was also bitterly crying and saying she hates mom because I did not make it back in time for taking her to martial arts. That was quickly resolved when K1 told K3 that I was almost going to have had to go to the hospital yesterday afternoon immediately for the CT scan. Then: I Had to go tell K3 that I saw a neighborhood cat lying dead on the street. K3 immediately again burst into bitter tears. I was really unthinking! BTW, My neighbor saw K3 walking home with all that stuff, but before K3 was injured, but couldn't stop to give her a ride due to an appointment.

K1 saw her best friend in a dance performance at the high school Thursday evening. She would have liked to go to the middle school open house, were it not for the conflict. She also watched that friend at a varsity swimming competition earlier in the day. I'm glad K1 got the chance to be a supportive friend. I realized that she was at least a little concerned with my well-being when she told K3 to put it in perspecitve, after K3 said she hated me (which K3 has never said before - K3 is now the first of my kids to have said that). Sometimes I think not a person in the family cares at all - well, maybe K2 does; he is very loving and attentive to me - so I felt a little good about what K1 said to K3.


> K1 driving already, wow, and soon you will be car shopping. I can't wait to hear what kind.<

I have never wanted to buy any of my kids a car - not at least until they are graduating from college. They shall have access to one, with my and my spouse's approval and overseeing, if they are responsible and reliable. I feel that every ride they take during high school should be accounted for and explained, so I want them to have to go through me or my spouse. On a case by base basis, though, if it turns out K1 or another is an excellent driver and will be doing something productive and trustworthy like ferrying siblings to appointments and sports obligations, I might okay their acquiring of a trustworthy reliable used car, maybe even my Volvo v50. I could see myself getting a new car in 2011 if K1 turns out to be an excellent and trustworthy driver, then that car can be taken to college "if really necessary", or it can be passed on for K2's use (preferable). I think a car in college is a needless distraction and worry - where to park it, how to pay for insurance and gas, has it been broken into or even driven recently. College campuses are usually pretty compact and all-serving communities, so I would prefer K1 doesn't stray too far from it; she doesn't need the distraction or the risk. It will be a good learning experience, to have to plan get-togethers and outings ahead of time.

I hope you are having a nice day, All Peach. Thanks for all the prayers, and I will keep praying for you and your family. All my love, 90hazelnut

This is a fictional work by 90hazelnut.

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